Saudi Arabia through American eyes

What is the life like in Saudi Arabia? That is the question I'm always asked, people are always intrigued to hear the experience from an American who's from a more open country even more when the view comes from a woman....  

Why do I do what I do spend hours on debating and trying to change the views of people? is because there is so many good things about Saudi Arabia and the people that no one gets to hear about and that's my mission is to get those good things out there and heard!

Most of the time with people hear the name "Saudi Arabia" automatically people will relate it to 9/11 or they think of women of having no rights because women aren't allowed to drive or barbaric for its harsh punishments for crimes... As many who know me my views were exactly as those who strongly dislike Saudi Arabia for those who'd like to know how my views changed please check my other blog "Why Saudi Arabia http://loveforksa.blogspot.com/2012/10/why-saudi-arabia.html" Many talked before coming here that I would face a major culture shock upon arrival to be honest I've never had any issues with that the culture shock hit when I returned to America....

Now to the questions how is the life in Saudi Arabia, Is it like you hear on the media? and what made me love it so much to willingly want to live there for the rest of my life?

First of all lets address the driving issue....Is it really an issue? yes and no! depends in how you look at it!  it is an issue if your used to driving, is it religiously wrong for us to drive? no!!! so why are women not allowed to drive yet? firstly take for example when women were not allowed to vote in America and how long it took to get the society to get used to the idea to allow women to vote let alone hold an governmental position, its the same for us here in Saudi Arabia!!! an for anyone who's ever lived here knows how dangerous the driving can be at the same time the traffic laws need to be applied  but within time we will drive Saudi Arabia is changing rapidly.... apparent rumors are claiming that women will be allowed to drive next month, how true is this rumor? only time will tell but insha'allah *God Willing* we will and lets face it is driving what makes a woman independent??? I don't think so!!!

this article is in Arabic so if your not arabic speaking google translate may not be your friend but the article talks about women driving next month or possible soon!
http://www.alanba.com.kw/ar/last/729694/16-03-2017-


So another question I'm always asked women are not free to wear what they want their forced to wear the face veil and to cover their hair! I think one of the things that had surprised me the most when I first arrived in Saudi Arabia is the women who were not wearing hijab at all I thought why were they not wearing hijab this is haram!!! Saudi Arabia hosts many foreigners who are Christians or non who we do not force them to wear hijab or ladies to be forced to wear the face veil *niqab* me for myself I never wear it and most who know me knows i'm a huge makeup lover and I get told a lot that if I go out like that in public i'll be flogged lol but no one cares to be honest if you respect yourself the people will respect you regardless of your faith and where you come from but we are expected to dress in our abayas *long black dress* and most don't mind they do it out of respect of the countries customs and respect to our religion..

so what are the rights for women here in Saudi Arabia? can they hold a  job, can they work? can they go to university can they travel without a male guardian let alone open a bank account without a male guardian! and the answer to all those questions is Yes!!!  I've had the honor of working for a few months with a small company with a Saudi lady who traveled with the company without her husband and also I had the opportunity to do so many think "but you're american so its easier for you" not so much!!! I'm married to a Saudi man so I am treated as a Saudi lady!! an I know of many ladies who hold PhD's and those who prefer the life of taking care of the home  in the end its up the lady in what she wants to do with her life...

What is with the male guardianship is it culture or religion? most find it unfair but those who understand it do not find it unfair at all and secondly its Religion not culture! many find it degrading to a woman or unfair but in reality its not its out of respect for the women to protect her.. "why can't a woman protect her self"? yes she can but who knows maybe there will be a situation she will face and will need her husband or brother or father to help her and a lot of ladies...

Another thing I hear a lot is Saudi Arabia is  a mans world country its no place for a woman and she can't do anything.... this is where I said to myself before coming here "Challenge accepted" and to be honest its not if you're going to use the "driving" as a reason why its a male dominated country than this doesn't fly or you may say are women and men treated equal? I would say yes in some aspect especially if its a crime you do a crime you pay the punishment regardless of your gender. as in Jobs? some may find it unfair that women are not allowed to do some jobs but the way I see it the country looks out for the well being of the women here they want to protect the women is how I look at it instead of find it degrading and to be honest I love that aspect about Saudi Arabia is I feel protected and the country truly cares about us and I feel safe...

I feel safe? really as a woman?!! You may laugh at this but really it is that safe here and as many may think because our laws are harsh and yes they are but it makes you think long and hard before you commit a crime...and Yes it is safe I can go to the sea and walk along the beach shore at 2-3 am and no one will bother you I've had to walk to the pharmacy at 10am to buy medication for my daughter who had an ear infection and no problems at all because if someone harasses a woman in this country people are willing to step in to stop it immediately and its punishable by lashes and fines and jail if you harass a woman let if you rape a woman you can say goodbye to your head because that is an execution-able punishment!

One of the most annoying questions I hear is Saudi Arabia has billions and yet they don't take in any refugees or help anyone in need! see this is where I come in many people tell me you're wasting your time trying to show the good things about Saudi but for me if I'm able to change the view of one person than I've done my job! Now has Saudi Arabia taken in any refugees? I'll post a video below and than you can think for yourself! in my neighborhood I have met 4 families who are syrian refugees and one who was a doctor who performed surgery on my son so yes Saudi Arabia has taken in millions of refugee on top of that giving the countries in need millions upon billions of aide from schooling, to medical, and food...

https://english.alarabiya.net/en/News/middle-east/2016/12/05/Saudi-sets-pace-globally-in-humanitarian-aid-says-envoy.html

Oome people ask me do you miss anything back home? I'd be lying if I said no! I get homesick mostly during the holiday seasons and birthdays but the answer is yes!! I miss my mother and sisters and family everything else not really I don't miss it at all, I have everything I need here. "Do I miss going to the movies" not really I never really enjoyed paying 50 dollars on snacks at the movie theater an to be honest I really hope they never get a cinema in Saudi Arabia its not something necessary, is Saudi Arabia for everyone? no its not because it is a very conservative country but I love it for everything is and for everything it will become...

Lastly what have been my opinions on living here and why do you love it so much? my views of this country are coming from the heart many may say "oh she's brainwashed" but lets face it if you haven't lived here or never plan to live here than you have no right to speak about a country you don't know about other than what the media feeds you!!  Firstly I find Saudi Arabia to be a family oriented country and the life is a very simple life the hospitality of the natives here is beyond over the top at times but the intentions are pure  one of the things I love is how close the communities are here is their so close as if their family and they respect you and accept you and if you love the Saudis they love you and you're one of them as they say and this is something I agree with 100% I honestly don't know what I'd do without my Saudi community family  as a friend mentioned to me yesterday a quote as I explained in how I felt about the community.. 

"انا على ولد عمي وانا وولد عمي على الغريب"

meaning "I'm against my cousin, and me and my cousin against the stranger"

(if the translation is wrong please help me in changing it 😊 ) 

For the most part I feel safe in this country if I don't wear face veil no one questions me or forces me if I choose to not to wear the head scarf I don't have to  if I need to go somewhere I can just request a ride with Uber *I've never drove or ever had desire to drive* so the no driving has never been an issue its been a phobia so Its the reason why I've never had a licence  and most importantly no one judges you here no one cares if your Muslim, or Christian or non Muslim the people respect you I may struggle in speaking Arabic but you know what I get around lol someone speaks English and if they don't I just try my best to speak in broken Arabic or I just call a friend to translate and the life here is so simple the people are kind an the best part is Makkah and Medina are here regardless if they were here or not I'd gladly still want to live here maybe the life is boring to some because mostly people go to the malls or the beach or the park but many of us we can travel outside the country to Bahrain, or Kuwait,Qatar,U.A.E. to meet our needs of entertainment but over all I love the simple life here and just simplicity is the life I love!

"Love the life you live, live the life you love"

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A new beginning

A new beginning

For the past 2 years I’ve been searching for work in Saudi Arabia, you would think that it would be a brainer to score a decent job as an American even if you don’t have a degree but that’s far from the case. Things are changing here the demands in hiring more Saudis is in the rise so decreasing the demand of foreign workers which isn’t a bad thing at all its good I just wish that Saudis would get the same benefits as foreign workers especially the ones who bust their asses going to other countries to study for their hard earned major, it’s not impossible to find a job here if your foreign but some places  if you don’t have a degree or a certain amount of experience the hunt can be challenging along with finding a decent salary to live in the community if you choose to not live in a compound let alone paying for a driver if the company you work for does not provide you with one…  

Many people would think that for me being American it would easy to find a job I’m a native English speaker but here is where it gets harder for me it may have been easier a few years ago but with the demands of hiring natives here it’s not as easy and when many companies think “American” they think “High salary, paid tickets to go back home, Compound living etc” so it’s a struggle. Being married to a Saudi has made things a little easier at the same time has also made things a bit shady as well, Why you say?  Once employers know that you’re married to a Saudi if it’s not a big known company like Alshaya they’ll treat you as a Saudi because you’re married to a Saudi which means you don’t get your benefits as a “foreign employee”.

 I’ve applied for several positions and since everyone has insisted I try teaching I looked at some schools I had one school I went to they said they didn’t go by any particular curriculum and whatever I had in mind they would help me set it up, and said since you’re married to a Saudi we are offering a salary of 2,000sr that’s around “600 American dollars” and no iqama transfer to them. I’ve been trying to get into Alshaya for a long time since their contracted with a lot of companies like Victoria’s secret (which is the one I’m trying to get into) I’ve applied for so many positions and they finally called me I was ecstatic but they wanted me in Kuwait and offered promising benefits and other things which was very tempting but my family are all in Saudi and told her I’d have to decline since it was in Kuwait she mentioned that they were opening a store in Riyadh she seemed to be impressed with my experience and sent my papers to Riyadh and I waited for them to call unfortunately they never called back.

So it was back to the drawing board of job searching I had scored an interview with one company which I will not mention to prevent any problems, I had went to the interview and it was for an Administration assistant position I had no experience but he was very kind and willing to pay for my training or anything that I needed I was a little shy for the fact when I came in for the interview he reached to shake my hand and for me and as all Muslims you’re not supposed to shake the hands or touch someone who is not your guardian so I held my hand down to my side and slightly bowed to him kind of like a Japanese greeting, and he felt a little shocked and said you scare me lol but after talking to him he seemed fine I would had accepted the offer but for the fact he had offered me a “private dinner in Bahrain” I declined his offer and felt my dignity was more important than the job offer and decided to keep on looking for the right job.

The last promising offer I had was as a store manager for “Lush Cosmetics” they were ready to sign a contract with me than they had asked me are you a Saudi citizen? I said no but I am a resident and I am married to a Saudi, the politely apologized and said unfortunately we are looking for Saudi lady for this position but we’ll keep your information on file for future opportunities I was seriously crushed because I know I can do it I have the ability to manage the store and to take care of customers and my employees it was honestly a very depressing moment because I thought I’m not going to find anything and I only have two certificates one for public safety and one for Law enforcement two certificates that have no benefit here unless I decided to become a certified EMT but the classes for that where hard to find.

I’ve spent so much time searching Linkedin.com also bayt.com which are really good places to search for jobs if anyone is looking because I had uploaded my cv’s my experience and had some other calls and offers some where just not meeting up to my expectations and to them I wasn’t fitting as they expected since “I’m not a Saudi”  I just felt like giving up to be honest with all the searching and the interviews and the low salaries I’m like I’m going to be stuck where I’m at but Alhumdullilah finally I found work… does it offer the best salary? Not really but it’s for starter only and I’ve signed a temporarily contract for a few months so I can learn from them and to see if it’s the job I want to stay with and also for them to see if they like my performance and if we both like how things are I will sign a permanent contract.

 I felt finally someone is going to give me a chance and insha’allah I’ll be working as a marketer for (www.goodlivelihood.net) the manager he is very kind and very open minded and the boss I’ll be working with she’s amazing and like a sister and insha’allah I’ll get to travel to different countries for my work such as Thailand, Philippines, Japan hopefully if I can influence them I hope they’ll contract with South Korea but I’m really excited and hope to learn from them and help build their company and hope to build my future to be a better one insha’allah.

For all of those who have helped me in finding work and listening to me vent about my struggles wallah I am beyond grateful to you all I could have not made it this far without the support and encouragement from those who have helped me and who have stood by my side during all of my struggles this is dedicated to all those who have helped me and I hope and pray to Allah that he grants you all the best in this life can give you....

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How I met him

How I met him

The question that is always asked, how did you meet your husband? I normally tell them I met him in school which is the truth but my journey in meeting him is another story a long story so if you’re interested in reading about my past relationships and drama then please read on…

First marriage:

Is my husband now my first husband? No. He is my 3^rd husband!  My first husband was an Egyptian who was a very good man and a religious man masha’allah who was the one who helped me grow as a Muslim in teaching me how to pray how to recite qur’an. Prior meeting my first husband I had dated a Saudi man “yes he was the start of my Saudi obsession” but he was a good man also but we were just not fit to be together but we were not fit for each other so in the end we ended up ending our relationship so I thought the easiest way of getting over the Saudi boyfriend was to get married and at that time I met the Egyptian man and accepted his proposal thinking that it would make me forget my ex it didn’t I learned a valuable lesson in why dating is haram!

 As time went by in my new marriage with the Egyptian I still loved the Saudi guy and I felt it was unfair to my husband to be married to him and still in love with someone else and I really didn’t know what to do I was young and I remember going to the Imam of the masjid asking for his advice I remember him telling me “if you divorce your husband for this man Allah will not make that relationship easy” I ignored his advice and followed and we ended up divorcing to be honest it was a mistake on my end because he was a good man the Egyptian man but me I was young and stupid.

Engagement to Saudi guy:

I ended up getting engaged to the Saudi guy. You think I would be so happy? I was ecstatic but the Saudi guy we ended up fighting about everything and he had said he had done things that made my feelings for him not as strong as it used to but still loved him but I didn’t know what to do at this point, I remember talking to an old friend he advised me since Ramadan was coming up he told me for the entire Ramadan don’t talk to him and ask Allah if it’s meant to be than let it be with no problem if it’s not than let me forget him, and throughout the Ramadan my feelings no longer were strong enough to build our relationship so as soon as Ramadan ended he had called me and said what do you want to do? I told him I love you and always will but I don’t think it will work out and I wish you all the best in your life.

Second marriage:

Finally I felt ready to find a suitable husband to marry I wanted to marry a Saudi specifically so I joined a Muslim single site to hopefully find the right man for me, I had many offers as a second wife which I almost accepted one who lived in Saudi but felt it wasn’t the right step for me just yet then a man he had messaged me he said. I’m from Saudi Arabia and I am interested in meeting you, I accepted his request in meeting him I lived maybe 30 minutes away from him he had come to my work I met him we talked with each other than later on he had met my family my mom and sisters and he ended up coming to family events with me he was nice he may not had been that attractive to others but his kindness at that time was what I was looking for and he was good to my family so he had asked me to marry him I accepted I loved him and we got married in Cleveland Ohio. 

As time went by I started working and he had started applying for green card at this time I never thought anything of it and was happy to help him get it never questioned his intentions because I thought he was being honest with me in the end he sat me down and said “sahar I need to talk to you about something” I said okay what is it? He told me please I need you to promise me to not to be angry at me I said okay than what is it he told me that I was born and raised in Saudi Arabia but I’m not Saudi but my family is from Eritrea, he assured me that it wouldn’t be any problem for us to come to Saudi Arabia I was upset because he lied to me later on I thought okay it’s not a problem if we could still go to Saudi.

I had than started going to school to study in the criminal justice *law enforcement*  he supported me and at this moment I met a Saudi man he was nice we sat and talked all the time in the computer lab he was studying the same thing as my husband was so I felt I comfortable with him and he was also a good listener. As time progressed between me and my husband at the time I felt alone he didn’t want to spend time with me and was always out of the home after he had gotten his green card he had stopped doing anything for me from driving me to school to even answering my phone calls and I didn’t know what to do and one night he was talking to me and he had told me  he said back home in Saudi Arabia I had a lot of gay friends and one man he knows he’s married and he could never go to bed with his wife until he slept with a man I thought okay whatever until one day he came to one of my work places and I worked with a gay man and he met my husband when my husband left my friend he asked me “is your husband gay’’ I said no why? He said because we kind of know each other but I’ll find out for you and sure enough my gay friend confirmed that my husband was indeed gay so In the end I married a man who lied about from where he was from and also I married a gay man I never questioned it and was married to him for 2 years he had painted such a good image to get his green card so he can work freely in the US.

After learning all of the things of the man I was married to I tried everything I could to make things work in the end he wasn’t interested in me to begin with he had asked me to sign a document to confirm he didn’t marry me for citizenship I ripped up the paper and said no! since I knew that my marriage wasn’t going anywhere I decided to ask for a divorce at this time I started talking to my Saudi friend for advice he said if you’re not happy than you’re not forced to stay and it takes hands to clap you can’t clap with just one hand so in the end I ended up divorcing my gay husband and I made the mistake in jumping into another relationship I was lonely for so long and just got out of a marriage that was based on betrayal that was the wrong thing to do…

A new beginning 3^rd marriage:

Getting out of a 2 year marriage that was based on betrayal was one of the hardest things to deal with someone I loved used me my family loved him I loved him in the end he didn’t! only to get what he wanted as time went by I quickly decided to get married again  which was with the Saudi man that I talked to all the time in the computer lab he was a good listener and he paid attention to me I fell for it… I accepted his proposal without giving myself time to heal from the 2 years of hell so when we did get married it was not so smooth we fought I was angry a lot of it had to deal with the fact that I was lied to and used and hurt so much that I was taking it out on my husband but he didn’t know how to deal with it “due to cultural” and common sense on his part of understanding! It wasn’t a happy marriage at all to begin with before marrying him I had many people telling me to not to marry him I prayed Istakara before marrying him and the signs I now recognize I wish I had seen them beforehand  because so many people told me not to marry him he asked me to stop things that I loved doing from going to Islamic conferences he would say “I don’t want my wife going to another city for 3 days mixing with guys” I told him I’m going to learn about Islam not sit with guys and were separated guys on one side women on the other he had also made me quit my jobs and would not help me to drive me to school which caused me to stop going to finish my criminal justice degree all these things now I wish I had seen!

I know I probably didn’t make it easy as we were married but I just wish my husband now would understand the hurt and betrayal that I had been through to make me feel the way I did I thought it was my fault to think how I was being maybe it was maybe it wasn’t but what I was looking for was compassion but in the end I couldn’t find it. I had quickly gotten pregnant after we gotten married for most women it’s the happiest moment in their life for me not so much instead I was blamed for not stopping it and threatened that he would leave me and forget me and my baby he put so much stress on me that I ended up miscarrying the baby you would think that he would had shown a little sympathy but no he said it’s much better this way I was crushed and needed his love instead I got his wrath of anger…

As time went by I had gotten pregnant again same thing blamed for not stopping it I ended up staying with my mom because I couldn’t handle how he was dealing with me I mean what’s the point of marriage if you’re not going to accept the things that come with marriage that includes “having babies” and I shouldn’t had been the one that had to prevent it, Anyways… I ended up having my first son It was a happy moment for me and my husband he started to change a little but not a huge change I felt okay maybe it’s because he’s a student and he’s just under a lot of pressure so I kept letting his behavior towards me slide and I’m not going to lie I have my moments like any other woman but a woman needs someone who is going to be soft with her not hard with her like a man this is not how you deal with your wife and same time he didn’t really pay much attention to me he paid a lot of attention to his electronics but has not put much effort in understanding his wife.  

My son had gotten older and at that time my husband started working with a hospital and I honestly wanted another baby he didn’t but I did and sure enough I ended up pregnant with my second child same thing blamed for not stopping it. there has always been a huge lack of support in all of my pregnancies which puts a lot on a woman who really needs all the support and encouragement she can get to help her feel good about herself and I never got that I was grateful for the friends around me at that time to help me to be honest they helped a lot by visiting me and bringing me food after my recovering delivering my baby but my husband’s towards me has always been harsh I remember the first time I had gotten pregnant he said to me “If you have my baby I will make life hard and will be harsh with you” and he has been the entire time we’ve been married I thought he would eventually change and same time I loved him he was the father of my children and he helps provides for the home but for me I was missing something very important to any woman… “compassion, encouragement, support, Respect, sensitive, Attention, and love” I’ve never been the type of wife that always demanded money even though islamicly it is my right I’ve never been this type I’m always the type that I want the things money can’t buy but are the simplest things to give…

When we moved to Saudi Arabia it was the happiest moment in my life honestly I’ve been trying to come here for so long and finally it was coming to reality and thought maybe being back home my husband would change and be better, WRONG!!!! It got much worse there where some minor issues with his work that needed fixed and I thought once they were all ironed out that he would treat me better his brother even begged me to be patient with him and I said okay your right I will be more patient with him but after things were fixed my husband’s harsh attitude and treatment towards me still remained the same.

 It was my first year in a new country and he expected me to know and how to understand everything when he never took the time to explain anything to me I was honestly really hoping for a happy life with him when I came to Saudi Arabia I had all the plans in my mind to build a happy life and happy family with him but how can I build a happy life with someone who has such a negative mind and an envious personality??? Do I love him? No do I hate him?  I hate how he is with me and how he can’t admit to his mistakes even more when he blames me for all the mistakes in our relationship and he takes no credit… 

I’m not a perfect wife I will never claim to be one but I also will never deny my mistakes and I will always try to fix them things though have gotten so bad I don’t know where it will end up, will it end up in divorce? More than likely… did I try everything? I think I did many tell me to stay for my kids but to be honest abuse isn’t just physical it’s also verbal and mentally and I will never get the things I need as a wife from my husband now so sadly it will more than likely end up in divorce is it what I wanted? Not at all but what I’m dealing with I never wish it on anyone because trying to destroy someone to get them to do what you want is not the way to live your life, will I get married again? I don’t know from my point now? No! and I don’t want to get married again I just want to live In Saudi Arabia and work to be with my kids only my kids are the most important thing in my life and their all that matter and Insha’allah I’ll have a happy ending in a happy loving relationship because every man and woman deserves to be happy and to be with someone who understand them and supports them in the end my husband and I we are far from each other our differences causes us to fight and I'm expected to understand his view point but he isn't open to understand mine.

I know some who may read this and think I thought she’s happy and Saudis are not acting like this! Firstly not everyone is the same the fingers on your hand are not the same and nether are all the Saudis just because I got a bad apple doesn’t mean that I can’t find a Golden apple that will change my life and will make my life that I deserve no matter what happens in my relationship now my views of Saudis will never change because I know in my heart there are a lot of good men in Saudi Arabia and insha’allah I’ll find the right one and if I don’t Alhumdullilah for everything.

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What's In a dream?

What’s in a dream?

Is it wrong to look to dreams as a form of guidance?? Is it wrong to depend on dreams in what we should look for in life? Some people are deep dreamers some may not have dreams at all or don’t even sit and think about their meanings…as for me I would consider myself a deep dreamer and sometimes I depend on those dreams a lot as a message from Allah that be patient there is more to see..

Sometimes I dream of things that I’ve never seen before but actually exist:

Dream 1: Before becoming a Muslim the day before 9/11 I had a dream of being in front of a black cube and a man had come to me and said, I would like to invite you to Islam at this moment I didn’t think anything until the next day the terrorist attack of 9/11 happened and I hated islam but I kept having dream after dream of Islam to the point I ended up researching Islam and then reverting September 12,2002 after my reversion to Islam the man who gave me shahada told me not please take shower and go to sleep and you should wake up refreshed and learn the prayers as you soon as you can. I did as instructed but that night I had the same dream I did in the beginning of being in front of the black cube but come to find out that black cube was the Kabba in Makkah and at this time in the dream I was surrounded by many Muslims and the same man approached me with a smile and said “Masha’allah sister you’re on the right path” after waking up I felt like something had lifted from me and I felt so light...

Dream 2: I had dreamed of flying into the airport the time of day was ether early morning or perhaps in the afternoon in this dream I was flying with a man and a lady I did not see ether of their faces but I remember the voices and the man knew my name for the longest time I didn’t know which airport I was seeing the runway had palm trees nearby and was an empty desert near I remember asking my husband a while back about which airport he had flew out of he mentioned he had flown out of the Dammam Airport, I had googled the airport and subhan’allah the exact description was the Dammam Airport but my confusion when I flew to Saudi Arabia the first time I landed in Jeddah so this dream to me tells me that the person who was flying with me was not my husband now but I fully believe who is my husband in the future and who is the mystery woman ? I don’t know!!!

Dream 3: as I became pretty close to Saudis and wanting to come to Saudi Arabia the dreams of Saudi Arabia increased many of these dreams I felt happy so when people would say to me “You’re a woman what makes you think you’ll be happy there” I’d always tell them every time I have dreams of being there I’m always happy I feel that Allah is telling me when I’m there I’ll be fine and I’ll be at peace… In the same time  I had dreamt of a long bridge surrounding big bodies of water I remember asking a friend who lived in Riyadh at the time I asked him is there a long bridge in Saudi Arabia that is surrounded by water I described the bridge in detail from my dream he told me to stop and told me “that’s the bridge from Bahrain to Saudi Arabia “

Dream 4: This type of dream I’m going to describe some would say keep to yourself but I felt it had deep meaning and had to find out before I had married my current husband now I had dreamt of 3 yellow baby cobras, In the dream I remember calling for someone to come help me with them because I didn’t know what to do with them in the end of the dream a man came “ I don’t know who it is and not It’s not my husband” he took the snakes and they had been killed the man said to me now insha’allah everything will be fine. I had a few different interpretations some said 3 enemies or 3 problems 2 of the problems have already occurred the 3^rd problem has not or I’m already in the 3^rd problem and the solution hasn’t come yet.

Dream 5: A while back while still in America I have often struggled with my prayers but from time to time I was normally on time with my prayers but at one moment in my life I had struggled and stopped praying I had dreamt of a Masjid at the time I had thought it was in Egypt.  I had described the dream as the athan was going off and I’m walking by and there are tables where you can eat at nearby I never thought anything of the dream except a message from Allah to remind me to keep up with my prayers a few months ago my husband took me to this shopping area that has many stores and it was the prayer time and we had went outside in this area I told my husband this masjid looks so familiar it looks like the one in my dream accept the one in my dream was surrounded by dining tables to sit at as we turned the corner to our destination there where the dining tables in front of the masjid I honestly froze I didn’t know what to think at this moment but other than Subhan’allah in how strong dreams can be and is it wrong to believe in them or rely on them, because so far everything I have dreamt of being here in Saudi Arabia I have seen them all but 2 of the dreams in the reality…

The masjid from my dream

So is it wrong to depend on dreams? I don’t know but I trust these dreams as a form of guidance I think we dream of things for a reason sometimes a warning, sometimes a message some dreams are meant to be shared some are meant to keep secret in the end dreams are special and sometimes a very important message from Allah…

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Why would an American woman would want to live in Saudi Arabia?

Many ask what would cause an American woman to move to such a conservative country like Saudi Arabia. Many say women don’t have rights and are treated like second class… I used to think so too before I became Muslim and before I met my previous Saudi friends watching them and observing them made me curious and made me want to know more and influenced me so much to move here and to live among the Saudi community!

So the root of the reason why?? My story is personal and most say you should keep such things private and to yourself, but why? Because it’s considered a taboo or I should be ashamed of what happened to me?  For those who know me personally know my past for those who don’t you will after you read my story think as you wish after words but don’t judge me after you know my reason.

Years ago I was adopted by a man who is my step father someone to protect me and love me, instead he betrayed me and hurt me and damaged me permanently, From the age of 2 reports of it happening before the age of 2 until 9 years old I was sexually molested tortured to keep silent and threatened to have my mother killed and starved so I kept silent.

 luckily I got out of that situation another person who had come into my life who was also supposed to protect me I told him what happened I spent a long time in a hospital to get help I was really sick for a long time I tried to commit suicide at the age 9, after my long stay in the hospital I got better.. as time went the person I had trusted betrayed me to by molesting me also not as badly as the other person but I trusted him and he did the same and that person would continuously beat up my mother I then learned at a young age of the destruction of Alcohol.  I eventually told my school teacher what happened only because my teacher found suicidal notes in my bag and contacted the school counselor, after this point I spent almost a year in a mental hospital for treatment for the things that happened and to help convince me to want to live in this toxic world.  

 I was released but I felt unsafe without being in the hospital in the hospital I felt safe I had people to talk to me people to listen to me and people who made me believe that I had a reason to live I still didn’t understand why I had to live and what was my purpose so I ended up overdosing on prescription pills I was giving to help depression, and sleep, and anxiety and a few other pills (anti depressants’ increase the thoughts of suicide) so without any reason I took all the pills I had so I could return back to the hospitals I felt so safe in I had ran away from the private school I had attended for special need kids like me who had mental health issues and ran away to my home where the police eventually found me and took me to the hospital to clean my stomach from the pills, and then later on turned over to another hospital to stay in I stayed for a good 5-6 months I felt sad alone but I felt safe, as time progressed I started to get better and they wanted to released me I remember this moment so well I didn’t want to leave I cried so much that one of the staff members in the hospital held me and let me cry in her arms I didn’t want to leave and she assured me if I felt something bad or scared to call and ask for her and I could talk to her and I felt relieved after that to know I had someone to talk to.

After my release from the hospital I had become acquainted with a policeman I liked him so much he was kind and encouraging to the point he influenced me to want to help others and to also become a police officer, as time grew I grew feelings for him I was 15 and felt safe and a relationship grew between us I didn’t think it was wrong because I thought it was okay I let it happened at same time I knew it was wrong until investigators came to my house questioning our relationship I denied them because I felt I was protecting him and he liked me, only to find out he was after other ladies my age too I felt betrayed and crushed why would he do that to me? I then became friends with friends where I experienced with different drugs alcohol I drank heavily at that age I started drinking earlier on but it got worse at this time to the point I had gotten into a fight with my mother and then was later arrested at this time it was a turning point to straighten up.

I then became Christian and then became curious with different religions and cultures I was easily influenced at the same time I was very curious and never let anything stop me from learning what I wanted…

I admit I had a very bad image of Islam and Saudi Arabia until I met the ones I met in 2004 as I stated before they influenced me to the point I wanted to move to Saudi Arabia, why you ask??? After the things I had went through I ended up being diagnosed with post traumatic stress disorder, boarder line personality disorder, clinical depression and society isn’t always kind to people with mental health issues ether they drug you up with pills or they make you feel like there is something wrong with you or make you feel stupid by putting you in lower levels of class in school and after I became Muslim a lot of my family cut me off some of them not even accepting my children because I’m Muslim.

when I met my Saudi friends they accepted me they didn’t treat me like I was stupid when some of them knew what happened in my past they became protective of me they became the family and the security I had been needing when I asked them what is the punishment for people who rape or molest in Saudi Arabia because in America we think the victim is the one who gets punished they told me those people who commit a crime are executed!  I remember opening up to the one friend thinking what is wrong with me for these things to happen he told me nothing is wrong with you Allah allowed these things to happen to strengthen you and look where you become now, you’re Muslim.

 One of many reasons why I wanted to move to Saudi Arabia is for #1. To start a new fresh life leaving my nightmare past to get away from it. #2. For once in my life my Saudi friends gave me a reason to want to live Allah sent these people in my life for a reason #3 I felt safe around Saudi people…

 Don’t get me wrong I know there are assholes everywhere I have met my fair share here but I have never felt more safe and accepted and loved and appreciated then I have here in Saudi Arabia and by the Saudi people!  They have loved and encouraged me accepted me and helped me in any way that they can or able to that I feel like meeting my Saudi friends saved my life Allah saved my life by bringing me to Saudi Arabia because I know no one here would let anything happen to me from my friends to the government this is one of the main reasons why I love Saudi Arabia with all my heart, Is it the place for everyone? No! but it’s the ideal place for any true Muslim!

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My struggles and lessons

Still the question always remains in what have Saudis have done to help me or why do I love them so much and mostly what have I learned from them from the experience in Saudi for 3 years?

From meeting my first Saudi friends in 2004 learning in how kind these people are I made it my personal mission to learn everything about Saudi people and culture and to show the world the good things about them everything good! The negative? We all have them but people seem to excuse all the good and focus on the bad only!  

When I met my Saudi friends years ago I was kind of a mess I didn’t have respect for my mom or myself after spending my time with Saudis I always admired their relationship with their parents something I always wanted with mine but was always a gap between our relationship ether from our differences or just being a rebellious brat I remember one time talking to an old Saudi friend and told him about an experience of being arrested years ago for fighting my mom, the look on his face towards me was the face of disgust in how could you harm your own mother after all she has done for you and you know what he was right! 

  My mother had stood by my side through some very dark times in my life and how did I pay her back by not respecting her, I know that respecting the parents is a huge foundation in Islam but I have never seen it done like how Saudis do it! They practically almost worship their parents to the point if you’re a foreigner marrying into a Saudi family you may feel very jealous but this is something that they have taught me one of the major things that they taught me is to take care of your parents and forget the bad things they have done because we’re not perfect ether.

So what else have they taught me besides bad habits? Lol I’m a firm believer that Allah sends each person in your life for a reason ether for a lesson or someone to help guide you. For some of those who know me I have been struggling with my prayers for quite some time sometimes I pray one prayer sometimes two or three sometimes none at all each person I have come across they always tell me whatever your struggle your facing no one will ever listen to you the way you want but Allah tell him whatever you want cry to him he hears you and he cares about you and I was always in doubt of praying because I was told that the things I have requested you can’t ask that in a prayer  and I asked a friend I asked her what if what I want is a divorce? She said a divorce isn’t haram if your unhappy tell Allah that and insha’allah you will be granted with what you want and may Allah make it easy for you! Sometimes it takes the right words to help generate a person’s mind in to restart something good.

You may ask are you really going through divorce. Insha’Allah yes! Is it what I planned, no! but you know sometimes you realize that the perfect picture in the beginning wasn’t perfect at all and no Saudi Arabia isn’t the issue at all I absolutely adore it here and will do everything I can to try to stay to live here and to be with my kids many say stay for your kids and I think this is a selfish thing to say! Especially when you don’t know what that person is going through and as someone who had parents always fighting I can tell you it’s better to have 2 separate homes then one home that is always fighting!!! So those who been following me wondering why I haven’t been blogging much this is major reason why because it’s been a rough depressing road!

 How has living in Saudi Arabia been for the 3 years that I have been here??? Well it’s had its rough and amazing times rough meaning my personal life but living here well it’s not for everyone. Everyone asks me how was the culture shock when you came to Saudi Arabia? I think for the fact I had many Saudi friends prepare me for how the life was here I didn’t have much culture shock at all! When I’ve visited Bahrain, Dubai, or back to America is when the culture shock sunk in because for one in Bahrain and UAE.  Women are allowed to drive, everything is very westernized to accustom the foreign people who live there also men and women mingling side by side the stores not closing during the prayer time while music is still playing I think I’ve gotten so used to the Saudi life that everything else felt so odd I know your probably thinking strange American you should feel much more relaxed lol I did but I felt more comfortable with the conservative lifestyle, as I have told many people Dubai and Bahrain are nice to visit but not for living I feel like these places are not very family oriented where Saudi Arabia is very family friendly and tries their hardest to stay along the Islamic ways of life it’s the best place for me and for my kids to live I want them to be in touch with their roots and their culture and Islam more than anything else so that way when they go to other countries they will be grateful to their life in Saudi Arabia…

Living here in Saudi Arabia I have had the honor to see so many things happen here from a community coming together for a marriage, a new baby, or a death in the family. My father in law unfortunately passed away a few months ago and I see so many people come together from our neighbors to strangers coming to pray for someone they don’t know. My previous neighbors I had when I lived in Jeddah Saudi Arabia after I had my last son they took care of me as if I was their daughter! They brought food offered to care for the home to watch the kids even, I have never met people like this before not even in America would you find like these people.   When you have Islam in your heart and the right teachings and a good rich community I don’t mean rich in money I mean rich in morals, and respect for one another the saying it takes a village to raise a child that’s the way it is here!

 As I said Saudi Arabia is not for everyone I know personal friends who may struggle here even I struggle here as I look for work without a degree but I am hopeful that Insha’Allah I will find something I have faith in Allah that he brought me here and he will not let me leave here I will live here until I die insha’allah I hope and pray that anyone who has a dream to come to Saudi Arabia please don’t give up on this dream go for it and never stop until you get it!!!

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First Fasting in Saudi Arabia

It's been quite a long time since I have blogged, and I apologize to anyone who has been following me and waiting for so long life happens and just got caught up in it...

So it is Ramadan right now we have a week left to go until Eid, and I'm sad that Ramadan is ending. This is actually my first Ramadan to be able to fast here in Saudi Arabia the first 2 years being here I was pregnant and always sick, then the following here was nursing my son so this was my first fasting here in the country and it has been such an amazing experience I wish others get the chance to experience.

all though this isn't my first Ramadan as a Muslim I have fasted many times before in America and it has is positive benefits too others eat around you, your co-workers ask questions about the fasting month many raise their eyebrow in surprise and ask " You can't eat or drink for a whole month" and you get to give dawah so its a win win actually you fast and you gain hassanat by teaching others at the same time its not the same when you fast in a Muslim country. 

These days it's pretty humid and hot around 105 degrees at the moment that's 42 celcius and going out in this humid heat it is hard to fast and you see people working so hard in this heat and not being able to eat or drink to replenish their energy, most times many people will sleep throughout the day at least until the asr prayer which is the 3rd prayer of our 5 daily prayers while most women are preparing iftar for the breaking fast meal.

it's the most beautiful feeling to be in a country of other Muslims who are fasting with you everyone waiting for the athan *Call of prayer* to take a drink of water and eat dates then moving on to eating, some people will break their fast on just dates and water then go to the Masjid (Mosque) then return home then eat the prepared iftar because if you eat to much before prayer its not very comfortable to bend up and down on a full stomach after relaxing and after meal time most will enjoin in good conversation or go out because a lot of the shopping centers are closed during the day time for the fasting including restaurants and of acourse grocery stores are always open but from my experience going out in this times are some of the feel good vibes I love the most everyone is out,and full and has their regained energy and many of us will end up at a nice resturant or the mall food court ordering food for suhoor *meal before fasting*.


 I really wish I could submit my feelings into this blog in how happy it makes me feel to be here fasting with other Muslims especially in Saudi Arabia fasting in genreal is amazing but when a whole country is doing it with you its an amazing experience especially hearing qur'an recitations throughout the cities my first fasting ramadan here has really impacted my heart in such a good way that I am so content to where I am and could not imagine another place to live in to be as I am.

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