My letter to "Him"

I have wrote this blog many times deleted and wrote and deleted again not really sure in how I can express how I've been feeling these past final times together.

I know I haven't always been the best wife you imagined and I'm sorry for that, I know you had such high expectations of this perfected wife you imagined me to be and I'm sorry I couldn't fit those expectations but for me  and I am grateful for you to be as patient as you were with me, all though you watched me struggle and fall apart I have worked hard to better myself and fell apart so many more times with my past.

The beginning of our marriage wasn't exactly pleasant there were many misunderstandings on both of our sides we both worked to try to understand one another we fought together to keep our family together but with all that effort in keeping things together something was missing....  Was it something I did? maybe? was it something you did? Yes most defiantly I will not sit here and say that I didn't have any hand in things failing but I will not take full credit for not making it work I remember as you used to tell me that it takes two hands to clap and if both are pulling the string than one day it will break.... an here we are at our final breaking point the string finally broke but why? 

We've both said many things we shouldn't have said we've both apologized to one another well mostly I apologized but apologies are kind of worthless if the behavior remains the same I know you sacrificed a lot for me and I know I've not said it enough but yes I am more than grateful for the things you've done and sacrificed for me but also I have sacrificed for you...I had your children all though you were not that happy when I was pregnant with them and not very supportive, I was patient with you throughout your student days, I learned a lot in how to handle a Saudi man I never expected it to be as complicated as you made it to be I left my family to be with you in another country but I learned to understand and learned to accept your ways but there was only a few things that I tried to accept but I could not... Your rude attitude,Your racism towards others, Easily angered and look to blame others and not take responsibility, For the fact you made material things your priority and more over your phone and computer..

I know for myself I have had anger issues and may still struggle with them from time to time but I've learned to try to deal with it and If I know I've done something wrong I immediately apologize and try to makeup for it and try to start a new page  to make things better...I know you may not even care to hear my advice and I know you're in the stage of looking for a new spouse from the app you've been searching in hoping you find better but there are somethings that you really need to change and here are those things...

1. Don't make your cell phone or computer your priority if something can wait for your reply and its not an emergency than it can wait and pay attention to your wife because that thing that's waiting for your reply will be there when you're done. 

2. Don't be materialistic  as they say money does not buy love or happiness some ladies are materialistic some like the simple things like a simple message, take her  for a walk at the sea but put your phone away and don't look at it when your with her make her feel she's the only thing important that needs your attention.

3.Compliment her praise her even if its not to your high expectations  appreciate her efforts because she did what she could to try to make you happy don't just compliment her occasionally compliment her often so she feels confident....

4. if its important to her don't criticize her or make her feel there is something wrong with her for liking something you may not. we all have something we care about or feel strongly about or may care about it may not mean anything to you but if it means something to her support her encourage her and most importantly always be positive in your response to not crush her enthusiasm.

5. When she's angry remember women are not men and are sensitive so even if it doesn't seem to be nothing to you apologize and I don't mean by words but by your actions and behavior to not repeat it!!! an if you're the reason for the tension own up to your mistakes no one ever died of swallowing their pride to admit they were wrong! 

6. An never talk highly about another mans wife and make her feel she has to compete to be better value her uniqueness and don't make her feel she isn't good enough...

7.If you must look to another woman *its haram by the way nature or not* don't do it in front of her and hurt her feelings or do it to test her jealousy this is an asshole move and if she gets pissed off don't get angry at her reaction.

8. Learn to be more positive when you get angry learn to handle it in a cool manner don't be always fiery and angry calm down there are more things that are worthy of your anger and small things are not worthy of anything!!!!

9. Treat her how you'd like someone to treat your mother or daughter and sisters!!!!

10. Always make her feel like she's your most important #1 priority!!

11. If you don't understand something don't get angry ask and try to understand what she meant to say, after all we have our own way of expressing things and maybe she has a better way...

12. Even if you've been fighting with her or angry at her never leave her angry or go to bed letting her feel sad..

13. Do not ever make her feel like you're feelings are more superior than hers you maybe the head of the house hold but her feelings matter too.

14.If she ends up having your children, be supportive because pregnant women are already under a lot of change and need support and love and as her body gets stretched out tell her she's beautiful because after having children our bodies don't always look the same and can make us feel not beautiful.


15. When you find out the things that make her happy do them an keep doing them if you want to always keep her smile never stop doing the things that keep her smile...




As I write my advise to you these are the many things that lacked in our marriage the simple things that I really needed from you but never got but was what I really needed an the things that destroyed our marriage.

 I really hope and wish the best for you and hope you find the right woman for you an will give you all the things I was unable to give you and may Allah grant you all the best this life has to offer to you.

I really don't know if this message will anger you if it does that is not my intention I hope that you can accept my advice with an open mind and hope it can help you to be better and anyone else that need the advice.

Yours truly your past life.💜