Emotional roller coaster

Today is 11/18/2012 and insha'allah with in 2 or 3 weeks we will be flying to Saudi Arabia insha'allah, so far we have sold pretty much all the major things like the living room set, and the kids things we still are in need to sell our dinning room set I swear people are really cheap when it comes to buying things I understand the need to save money but sheesh we have had to drop prices just to get rid of things...

so lately since the kids literally have no crib or toddler bed they sleep with me on the bed or sometimes we make a bedding on the floor, ehk wallahi I can not wait until they have there own sleeping quarters I love my kids but I need a long good nights rest but the kids there adjusting well. I think they know something is going on but they are quite not sure what it is I just hope insha'allah that they will adjust well to the move.

 I know the flying is the biggest worry that I have I'm not gonna lie as I told many people before I'm more afraid of the long flight then going to Saudi Arabia, I have a 3 year old and a 18 month old and my 3 year old doesn't want to potty train like I hoped so I have 2 small kids in diapers and I keep thinking how is this gonna work when I have to change them? I hope insha'allah its not going to be to bad and it will go smoothly I know every body is telling me don't worry they have changing areas in the plane and you can get up and walk around with the kids and make sure to bring lots of things for them to do such as coloring, games, etc I hope I'll have more then enough things for them to do let alone calm my anxiety for the whole entire trip....

as for my emotional roller coaster ride, as everything sells I feel slightly depressed I have just recently sold one of the kids's toys and I felt so bad for selling it but there is no way that we could take it with us it would be to expensive to have it shipped over there and I already have a huge box of toys that we are going to ship over to Saudi Arabia before we go I cried when I sold my living room set because that was the first major thing I ever purchased on my own and it was sad to see it goI know Insha'allah that the ending out come of it all will be a happy ending but now that everything is getting so close anxiety and nerves are taking tole and honestly  its interfering with my appetite that I'm not eating as much because i'm just nervous and I just want everything to be sold and we are at the airport so I can finally relax...

another thing that has been toying with my emotions is for 1 its around the holidays Thanksgiving is just around the corner, and I wont be going home before I leave to see my family so that is a little hard to sink in and also even though I don't celebrate Christmas I absolutely love the Christmas lights the holiday music the holiday shopping  just the atmosphere of everyone enjoying this favorite time of the year its just that its all that I have ever known my whole life and in a few weeks it is all going to change and I will get to learn and experience a whole different way of life.

 I'm at least excited that this will be my first Ramadan, and Eid in a Muslim country so insha'allah the atmosphere of being around my own people "Muslims" it will shake this homesickness feeling of missing the non Muslim holidays I am so excited for that and even more that I will insha'allah get to make ummrah shortly after I arrive there, and anyone that has met me and knows my story on how I became Muslim and my fight to come to the "kingdom of Saudi Arabia" will know how much of a reality dream come true this is for me and I can never be more grateful enough to mostly Allah and the people that Allah sent to me to make it possible may Allah reward these people insha'allah and may this experience of the lifetime of happiness as it always is in my dreams <3

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so today is 11/20/2012 I thought I would blog a little bit while I take a break from clearing out the kids's closet I decided to clear out there dressers and use there suitcases for the remaining 2 weeks that we have left as there dresser, as things are coming around the corner I'm seeing suitcases being packed things are really starting  to come in to focus and into reality and I'm thinking holy crap this is really happening I'm happy but at the same time so overwhelmed with what we have left to sell which is not much but as I mentioned in the beginning people are so frigging cheap they want things close to nothing I have dropped prices left and right just to get stuff out of here hopefully insha'allah everything goes quickly and we can get the ball rolling...

so another emotional road block I have hit I have kept several toys that I know that the kids play with and I know that they will be pricey to re-buy in Saudi and guess how much it weights???? "38 pounds and 33 ounces shipping it through united states postal service would cost me up to almost 600.00  when I seen that price my throat and my stomach combined and I was like choking like wth I really want to take these toys with me so hopefully we can find a shipping service that will not charge us a bunch of money just to ship there toys I just really want them to be happy and have the things that they love maybe that's the problem for the 600.00 but its a sacrifice I'm willing to make so they will be happy and adjust well to the things around them...



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Today is 11/26/2012 and less then a 2 weeks or even in a week I will be leaving my apartment to stay at a hotel for the remainder time here in America to go to Saudi Arabia, can you guess where my emotional feelings are now??? I don't think I have any at this point they are all mush and grinned into my stomach I have been eating less these days and you would think that I would have lost some weight with all of this stress and worrying and all the stuff I have been dealing with, but nope still the same hopefully it will fall off as I arrive in Saudi with all the emotions coming up to my throat I just want to get his all done and over with and get to the airport so I can relax that's if there will be any relaxing when I arrive lol...




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Today is 12/2/2012  and I we 4 days away from the our departure date to go to Saudi Arabia everything has been pretty hectic getting bags packed, getting rid of stuff we no longer need buying new clothes and things that will be much more expensive in KSA, I am literally exhausted sick to my stomach not because of the trip but for the fact we have been eating pretty crappy these days a lot of take out and my body is telling me enough of this crappy food give me some veggies and fish or chicken. 

Everyone is kind of tensed I'm more tired then tensed well I guess both  because I haven't had a decent amount of sleep since I got rid of the children's bed those where the first things that I sold I know that's only the minor stuff to be exhausted about our flight date is terrifying enough, because we have to be at the airport at 6am so we have to get up around 3 to 4 am to get up and head to the airport and we have a connecting flight before we actually get to our international flight, we are connecting with United Airlines before we get on Saudi Arabia Airlines it's not a bad thing but United Airlines since they don't have a contract with KSA Airlines then we have to pay 100.00 extra for any extra bags alhumdullilah only 3 of us have actual tickets because it would be 400.00 we would paying instead of 300.00 and it don't help when each back has to weigh in at 50 pounds  there has been a lot of removing and getting rid of stuff just to get the bags to weigh the right weight luckily there are 6 bags so we should be able to get this tackled down.

 I just want the day to get here so we can get on the plane and just get going so I can finally relax I guess my only fear is flying with the 2 small kids I've said it before but flying with 2 kids in diapers since my 3 year old is giving me such a hard time with potty training i'm more worried about him during diapering then my 17 month old, but Insha'allah everything will play out well so far I have gotten the kids a couple coloring books, a travel game of go fishing and some toys to hopefully get the kids entertained if the movies on the airplane are not enough but I hear that they have plenty of things to keep them through the airlines so Insha'allah once we are flying I'm sure my nerves will settle down but I am hopeful and have faith in Allah that everything will work out just fine insha'allah <3


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it is 12/4/2012, 2 days before our departure to Saudi Arabia and can you talk about the twisted nerves? we are doing the last minute things such as getting rid of food, clothes, doing the last batch of laundry I am so excited and so nervous but not as nervous as I have been but so ready to get the ball rolling and finally get on the airplane everyone is tensed so things are like walking on egg shells right now but overall so far so good alhumdullilah, I know this is a short blog update but I have so much to do that I couldn't right much but what's going right now because we literally have well I thought 2 but today is almost over with so 1 more day -------> Insert scream here "AAHHhhhhhhhgrrrrrh"<------- I am really going to miss Iowa  and especially the snow, it hasn't snowed yet and I was hoping to see one last snow fall but alhumdullilah who knows maybe the snowfall would have kept us snowed in at the airport, I will mostly miss my friends and the community of the people around here but Insha'allah I will adjust well and make new friends and enjoy my new surroundings...<3