Many ask what would cause an American woman to move to such
a conservative country like Saudi Arabia. Many say women don’t have rights and
are treated like second class… I used to think so too before I became Muslim
and before I met my previous Saudi friends watching them and observing them
made me curious and made me want to know more and influenced me so much to move
here and to live among the Saudi community!
So the root of the reason why?? My story is personal and
most say you should keep such things private and to yourself, but why? Because it’s
considered a taboo or I should be ashamed of what happened to me? For those who know me personally know my past
for those who don’t you will after you read my story think as you wish after words
but don’t judge me after you know my reason.
Years ago I was adopted by a man who is my step father
someone to protect me and love me, instead he betrayed me and hurt me and
damaged me permanently, From the age of 2 reports of it happening before the
age of 2 until 9 years old I was sexually molested tortured to keep silent and
threatened to have my mother killed and starved so I kept silent.
luckily I got out of
that situation another person who had come into my life who was also supposed
to protect me I told him what happened I spent a long time in a hospital to get
help I was really sick for a long time I tried to commit suicide at the age 9,
after my long stay in the hospital I got better.. as time went the person I had
trusted betrayed me to by molesting me also not as badly as the other person
but I trusted him and he did the same and that person would continuously beat
up my mother I then learned at a young age of the destruction of Alcohol. I eventually told my
school teacher what happened only because my teacher found suicidal notes in my
bag and contacted the school counselor, after this point I spent almost a year
in a mental hospital for treatment for the things that happened and to help
convince me to want to live in this toxic world.
I was released but I felt unsafe without
being in the hospital in the hospital I felt safe I had people to talk to me
people to listen to me and people who made me believe that I had a reason to
live I still didn’t understand why I had to live and what was my purpose so I
ended up overdosing on prescription pills I was giving to help depression, and
sleep, and anxiety and a few other pills (anti depressants’ increase the
thoughts of suicide) so without any reason I took all the pills I had so I could
return back to the hospitals I felt so safe in I had ran away from the private
school I had attended for special need kids like me who had mental health
issues and ran away to my home where the police eventually found me and took me
to the hospital to clean my stomach from the pills, and then later on turned
over to another hospital to stay in I stayed for a good 5-6 months I felt sad
alone but I felt safe, as time progressed I started to get better and they
wanted to released me I remember this moment so well I didn’t want to leave I
cried so much that one of the staff members in the hospital held me and let me
cry in her arms I didn’t want to leave and she assured me if I felt something
bad or scared to call and ask for her and I could talk to her and I felt
relieved after that to know I had someone to talk to.
After my release from the hospital I had become acquainted
with a policeman I liked him so much he was kind and encouraging to the point
he influenced me to want to help others and to also become a police officer, as
time grew I grew feelings for him I was 15 and felt safe and a relationship
grew between us I didn’t think it was wrong because I thought it was okay I let
it happened at same time I knew it was wrong until investigators came to my
house questioning our relationship I denied them because I felt I was
protecting him and he liked me, only to find out he was after other ladies my
age too I felt betrayed and crushed why would he do that to me? I then became
friends with friends where I experienced with different drugs alcohol I drank
heavily at that age I started drinking earlier on but it got worse at this time
to the point I had gotten into a fight with my mother and then was later
arrested at this time it was a turning point to straighten up.
I then became Christian and then became curious with
different religions and cultures I was easily influenced at the same time I was
very curious and never let anything stop me from learning what I wanted…
I admit I had a very bad image of Islam and Saudi Arabia
until I met the ones I met in 2004 as I stated before they influenced me to the
point I wanted to move to Saudi Arabia, why you ask??? After the things I had
went through I ended up being diagnosed with post traumatic stress disorder,
boarder line personality disorder, clinical depression and society isn’t always
kind to people with mental health issues ether they drug you up with pills or
they make you feel like there is something wrong with you or make you feel
stupid by putting you in lower levels of class in school and after I became Muslim
a lot of my family cut me off some of them not even accepting my children
because I’m Muslim.
when I met my Saudi friends they accepted me they didn’t
treat me like I was stupid when some of them knew what happened in my past they
became protective of me they became the family and the security I had been
needing when I asked them what is the punishment for people who rape or molest
in Saudi Arabia because in America we think the victim is the one who gets
punished they told me those people who commit a crime are executed! I remember opening up to the one friend
thinking what is wrong with me for these things to happen he told me nothing is
wrong with you Allah allowed these things to happen to strengthen you and look
where you become now, you’re Muslim.
One of many reasons
why I wanted to move to Saudi Arabia is for #1. To start a new fresh life
leaving my nightmare past to get away from it. #2. For once in my life my Saudi
friends gave me a reason to want to live Allah sent these people in my life for
a reason #3 I felt safe around Saudi people…
Don’t get me wrong I know there
are assholes everywhere I have met my fair share here but I have never felt
more safe and accepted and loved and appreciated then I have here in Saudi Arabia
and by the Saudi people! They have loved
and encouraged me accepted me and helped me in any way that they can or able to that I feel
like meeting my Saudi friends saved my life Allah saved my life by bringing me
to Saudi Arabia because I know no one here would let anything happen to me from
my friends to the government this is one of the main reasons why I love Saudi
Arabia with all my heart, Is it the place for everyone? No! but it’s the ideal
place for any true Muslim!
.jpg)
0 comments:
Post a Comment