A mothers cry

It’s been a couple years since my last blog life tends to be pretty busy with my 2 daughters and with work. 

Not much has really changed in regards of the issue with my kids I’ve faced some issues a little over a year ago in regards of my ex and his spouse stalking my social media profiles only to report comments out of context to the police I found myself facing public prosecution for a comment I made that I always heard my ex husband say but apparently it shouldn’t be said publicly. 

They made claims that I had made insults  against the country as well as the neighboring country, I told the public prosecutor anyone who knows me on social media well enough knows about my strong pro views on Saudi Arabia along with the government along with submitted proof. 

Alhumdullilah with the long effort of my embassy and careful evaluation of the prosecution office they had me sign a waiver to not do it again. Ever since then I’ve been very cautious in what I put I’ve stopped with political discussions out of fear of saying something and it being taken out of contents again and facing the same issue, I felt as long as I stuck with giving “dawah” I should be fine and just keep private things viewable to people in my life or I personally know. 

I felt that given dawah has helped me a lot, it has helped me heal religiously and helped my relationship with Allah all though I still stumble from time to time that’s life. 

The public prosecution was supposed to arrange a meeting with my ex and try to come to an agreement in regard of my children but unfortunately nothing has taken place InshAllah it will. 

In the mean time the only way i can get updates on my children is through a suspended twitter account watching my exes wife boast about her time with my children and going on and on about how awful of a person I am while she gets praises and I’m slandered Alhumdullilah is all I can say she still religiously watches  my social media accounts waiting for something new to report  to the police or to criticize it’s funny how people stalk for different reasons mine to see how my kids are hers out of spite and to be malicious. 

Ever since being prevented my children my mental health has deteriorated something my exes wife has recently found out about me and likes to humiliate the people who suffer from mental illness and link it to lack of faith. All I can do is feel bad for her though I think it’s commons  though if you take a mothers children away from her prevent her from talking to them and violating court agreements of course it’s going to cause a mental breakdown. 

Everyone keeps telling me that one day my kids will be back with me I really hope that one day and I hope that they will not hate me as I know they’ve poisoned their minds against me I have to be hopeful one day they’ll be back in my life and maybe one day Allah will soften the hearts of my ex and his wife to allow me in my children’s life and to coparent like civil people for the sake of the children. 

I’ve made bad choices that has caused all of this in well aware of that but not in the circumstances of the rumors that people believe. Overall I’ve changed I’ve repented and keep repenting to Allah to forgive me and reunite me with my children. 

Who knows maybe Allah has kept me and my kids apart for a reason for what ever the reason I pray that Allah guides my children back to me I love them more then my own life and that he protects them from illnesses and harm and keeps them on the straight path of Islam and puts in their hearts to forgive me for my mistakes that I made to cause their hardship Ameen. 

Until then I’m reunited with my children my heart will continue to bleed and cry for them.