Through Their Eyes

Through Their Eyes….

Through Saudi eyes:

For those of you have been following me for quite some time now many know how much passion and obsession that I have had throughout the years for Arab world specifically main interest in Saudi Arabia, Ever since I had met my previous Saudi friends back in 2003 my adventurous curiosity set off wanting to know everything about their life, their culture, how to see things through their eyes to the point I made myself exclusively only to them!

Why make myself solely to them? I thought what better way to understand the life of someone is to put yourself literally in their life? I wanted to see the struggles through their eyes I was deeply obsessed with Saudis and Saudi Arabia (don’t worry I’m still deeply rooted to Saudis and Saudi Arabia) I have seen so much struggles that the Saudis have faced that I began to not care about how others specifically  the *expats* who lived here felt in their struggle. I have seen so many Saudis come to USA or to other countries to work their bums off in their degrees only to come to Saudi Arabia to find that the jobs that they wanted to work were not available to them mainly because those jobs were offered to expats why? Because lower salary!!! A common mistake that I see some Saudi students make is when they graduate from the universities and when they go to apply for jobs they expect and demand a high salary in a high position it doesn’t work like that it is gradually earned by experience and sometimes starting with a low salary and prove yourself worthy of a higher position to a higher salary with that being said having the opportunity to work with a few companies still the desire is to higher expats due to lower salaries and wages….

Sadly Saudis get a bad reputation that Saudis are lazy and don’t want to put in the effort to work I have seen the hatred towards Saudis from expats who have been given the opportunity to work inside Saudi Arabia. I had applied for a position in Carrefour and my manager would had been Indian I remember him telling me that Saudis are so lazy and don’t want to work and downright degrading Saudis the ones that have brought him to Saudi and to investing him literally biting the hand that is feeding him and sheltering him. I have seen the same issue with the previous company I worked for my manager was a Filipino who was always getting paid to visit other countries due to work getting a attractive salary only to hear him degrade the idea of 2030!!!

Sadly Saudis will not get the same advantages as the expats will. Expats if they are working for known companies even private companies they get accommodation, yearly tickets to go back home to their country Saudis are not offered the same thing this I found highly unfair when Saudis have worked twice as hard for their degrees as other expats would.  Alhumdullilah I have had the great opportunity to work in Saudi Arabia I have met hard workers who are Saudis who work their asses off and I have also met my fair share of lazy ones and same meeting lazy expat workers and hardworking expats as they say the fingers on your hand are not the same it is unfair to label all Saudis as the same.

Through eyes of expats

My time living in Saudi Arabia has been one of the most eye-opening experiences I could ever have I have come to know many great Saudis but lately the country and the people I love so deeply I have come across some major disappointments. I have l a few friends who are “Yemeni” these people I didn’t expect to affect me this deeply but each of the friends that I know from my previous manager to my closest friends they have opened my eyes through their life in Saudi, the struggles that they face to plain discrimination I have debated in how to talk about some of these issues because I know for both sides Saudis, Yemenis and other expats it’s a sensitive topic… With the rapid changes of Saudi Arabia things are changing for the good of Saudis which is a good thing but for the friends that I have acquainted I can not only help but feel their fear, their worry.  The three Yemeni friends I know I have known for quite some time and all three of these families have been living in Saudi Arabia for more than 50 or more some years they grew up here they studied here they lived respectful lives in the community contributing to building Saudi Arabia to what it is today, now with all of the sudden changes not only my personal friends but other Yemenis or expats who have lived here are now scrambling to find other jobs that will sponsor them to stay inside Saudi Arabia or have to face the being sent back home to Yemen which Is now a dangerous war zone!! I have come across some Saudis that will say send them back home to build their country “Saudi Arabia” belongs to “Saudis” I have seen some Saudis think because they are Saudi that they’re better than any other Arab or expat that comes to their country!!! I can’t help but to think this isn’t the Saudis that I grew to love to be discriminative is it?

I recently been helping a close friend of mine who is going through some troubling situations ether from his work not paying his well-earned salary on time to health concerns of his family, I have attended the hospital with him and his family to be there for support only to learn that they were rejected by several hospitals because they were not “SAUDIS” I waited with my friends mother as the doctors were talking to me about her options they then mentioned to me that they could not further treat her in that hospital I asked them why not? They said because she’s not Saudi we cannot treat her she has to go to a private hospital at this point I could not hold my mouth! I yelled at the doctor I told him “she is a human being who’s severely sick and you won’t continue treating her because she isn’t Saudi? This is inhuman it is a basic human right for any person to be treated regardless of his or her nationality” they said this is the Saudi regulations and these same doctors that are taking care of my friends mother are also expats!

I really don’t know how this article will come across some people I love Saudi Arabia I love Saudi people and will always and continue to be in support of their country but there has to be something done in the way people are thinking in the end or grandfather an grandmother are Adam and Eve no one is better than anyone many will probably sit and think “Oh she’s American she has an easy life”  I maybe American but my life here hasn’t exactly been that easy yes alhumdullilah I have stability in the country alhumudllilah one thousand times for that anyone who knows me personally knows that I don’t even throw out my nationality to get special privileges each company I have worked for I ask them to higher me as Saudi not as an American so I’m getting treated the same as Saudis because I don’t see myself or my nationality better than them I see them as a human being and we should be equal.

The thing is if I see something wrong I can’t just stay quiet I love Saudi Arabia and want the best for them but I also want the best for those who have lived in Saudi Arabia their entire life to be treated and respected with decency this is what Islam teaches us love one another take care of one another and imagine yourself in the other persons situation imagine it and ask yourself would you be happy if not find a way to help one another.

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The Silent Worker

The Silent Worker:

When I first came to Saudi Arabia 5 years ago before the thought of starting to work in Saudi Arabia the thought of it terrified me;  not because I didn’t think I couldn’t do it but because it was a whole new work environment that I had yet to learn or to experience.

My work experience from working in America when you see something wrong you were always encouraged to speak up and most times rewarded in some rare cases you could be reprimanded and sometimes employers will indirectly find a way to get rid of you or to let you go in some cases even if you didn’t do something wrong a potential competitor that would see you as a threat could say anything to try to get you fired but in my country you can easily take them to court and sue them for being unethical.

                                                                                                                                                                                         

My work experience in Saudi Arabia wasn’t the easiest and finding a job here without a wasta *Influence* in some places difficult when I started looking for work many companies don’t want to hire someone who didn’t get to complete their major or doesn’t have the right amount of 5 or more years of experience but if you’re lucky some companies may give you a chance if you have the right connections. The first company I worked for my Ex-husband was had a friend he worked for who knew a guy that gave me my first opportunity I was so excited even though the salary was low I didn’t care the first thought that came to my mind was I need to gain experience before I can request and demand any high salary.

My first day I was so happy my driver came to pick me up I met with the girl *Safi*  that would be my manager I thought the world of her she was so nice to me helping me learn about the products how to talk to the clients we went to business conference’s together with the CEO than later on as my time progressed and I started to get better acquainted into my work the lady I had worked for had to go on holiday for personal reasons leaving me with the CEO most of the time; me I was helping the CEO to practice his English speaking, I felt that our relationship started to get a little bit stronger he made so many unrealistic promises I had hope that he was being honest. When the girl that I was working with came back and realized we’d gotten close the day she came back she had called me and told me that her and the driver were on the way to pick me up, that’s how it always was the driver would pick up me and then her but that morning it was her first and then me for some strange reason during the 10 minutes I waited for them to pick me up my son had accidently put my phone on silent so when the driver was waiting with my friend that I worked with they called and I didn’t hear my phone that made Safi mad it was an honest mistake she didn’t even let me explain in what happened instead she went to the CEO to tell him that I wasn’t serious about my work only to be removed from marketing to be moved to the factory the (medical department)

When I transferred to the factory I was so angry but kind of relieved because when I worked with Safi there was never really much work to do most times we’d wait in the women’s area waiting to know if we had clients to visit when I worked in the factory I enjoyed it, it was more technical work and writing sending emails etc. the factory manager had family emergencies and needed someone to finished editing all of papers to be sent to be finalized I was happy to take all of those documents home with me and finish editing them and sending back and forth with the factory manager he liked my work, he wanted me to work as the assistant manager for the factory when my time was finished in writing all the papers they sent me back to the marketing office Safi had learned about the factory managers plan in requesting me to be factory manager and her she was to travel to Tabuk to a university to do marketing I wanted to go with her but ironically I wasn’t able to go with her and the CEO wanted to speak with me the next morning, I felt so scared that night I felt it I felt a slump in my throat that I was being let go everyone assured me that I was going to be fine even the girl *Safi* she lied to me she stabbed me in the back she smiled to my face as she was dropped off first to her home the last day we worked together and said if I needed anything that I could always call her. The next morning came the driver came to pick me up I was brought to the main office to speak to the CEO but only to find he wasn’t there his secretary and assistants were the ones who talked to me and to inform me that I’d been let go my probation period had ended, they asked me if I had any conflict with Safi I told them that we did but I thought things we’re fine *safi* later called me to ask what happen she said she knew but deep down I know she said something that influenced the CEO to let me go I was so devastated that the person I thought was my friend stabbed me in the back.

As the time past I started looking for another job, I applied for everything it took me 4 months after losing my first job to find another one a friend of mine had contacted me before and mentioned that his brother that he had been working for was looking for a secretary and asked if I was interested I immediately said yes and this company was the break that I needed, I had little experience in secretarial work I mean the last time I used Microsoft Word or Excel was before I graduated High School and my first year in college so it was a long time I was rusty but I lucked out in having very skilled people to teach me how to use excel, how to create purchase orders, to sales invoices etc, how to talk to clients make contact I was hired as a Sales Representative, but was also the CEO’s secretary at the time I was the only woman in the office I kind of liked being the only woman I don’t mind working with women but from the past company it kind of made me on edge working with ladies in who I could trust.

I worked for this new company for a good year I stood by their side through thick and thin to the point I defended our CEO even received threats from a former angry employee but I was okay because the CEO said we were a family so family stuck together and I was happy with my new claimed family later on the company had ran into some issues I was temporarily laid off until things were resolved  during that time I was frantic I don’t like siting and doing nothing it made me nervous and over think to much so the moment I was called back to work I was so happy as if I won the lottery then everything was fine again, until one morning I was talking to warehouse and a mysterious woman walked into my office  no one knew who she was I was told that she’d be working on tenders but they wanted me to help show her how to make quotations, sales orders etc. I was happy to comply little by little I found my work load getting slower and lighter to the point the lady I was training slowly started taking over my work by responding to the CEO’s phone, sending invoices to my assigned clients I had sat with the CEO and told him I was unhappy things we’re not the same over I asked him who’s this girl ‘’he assured that it was only temporarily” 6 months passed she’s still there and me? I’m being given petty work  just to keep me silent It felt humiliating that this new girl who was working with us that was working on a visiting visa was now trying to act as my manager and demanded I had to listen to her that didn’t settle well at all, 2^nd time I complained to the CEO about the situation I was assured that I was important to the company boy I didn’t feel important at all I felt betrayed by the 3^rd time I complained and nothing was done the message was clear that she would replace me but why? I don’t know and I may never know why so I set out to find a new job.

When I found a new job I was so excited to put my resignation into the company that I happily worked with for over a year it was kind of bittersweet because no one wanted me to leave but I felt my work wasn’t appreciated that I had to move on. The new Company I started to work for I was the Executive Assistant  I felt yes finally I will work with a company who will see my potential and who will appreciate my work, but during the time I waited for my offer I felt a little hesitant because I waited over 2 weeks I felt okay this company is a little slow but I’ll still give them the benefit of the doubt before I had started working for the new company I had brought them new projects I felt happy to prove myself as strong that I was there to work and was serious to prove my dedication to the company that wanted to give me this new opportunity only to learn that I left a company hoping to leave drama to come to a new company to face what I’d say a dead end company I decided to start a day before my starting date to get an update on the project I had brought them 2 weeks prior no one acted no one contacted the company that I had brought them causing them to lose many projects at that moment I felt and knew I had made a huge mistake leaving the previous company but I tried to be patient and keep silent but for me to keep quiet when there’s obviously a problem is beyond complicated I normally call myself non censored because if I see something wrong I’ll call it out as I see it but I tried to give everything I could I sat with our GM *general Manager* I asked him what he expected of me in a time that he wanted to let me go I addressed him and told him look if there is an issue than you should had talked to me so I can fix it he did give me another chance to prove myself but during that time I realized no matter how hard I proved myself he was already set into letting me go any idea he would disregard than bring the idea back and claim it as if it was his own brought more projects no one reacted no matter what I wasn't good enough, now I’m facing legal issues in seeking my rights with the ministry of Labor to retrieve my salary….

The moment I was let go of the my last job, I began to question my ability to ever to be able to work in Saudi Arabia, will I ever find a company that will take the time to help train me and will see my potential dedication as a hard worker? A few weeks ago I sat with a couple friends at a shisha café I had told them my bad work experience in Saudi Arabia  they applauded my boldness in telling it like it was if there was a bad situation but they also reprimanded me for being too out spoken, they said many will love you for being brave to speak out but you will never survive the work environment in Saudi Arabia they told me in order to survive the work force in Saudi if you see the corruption you’re expected to  keep silent and just let it go if you want to keep your job and keep getting a pay check, just  come do your job and keep your mouth shut even if it means that the CEO Bob takes your idea you’re expected to tell him “wow that’s a great idea” while you sit there and think about how you want to bop Bob on the head for taking your idea you can’t..

They reminded me that in the Arabic culture that when many have something they feel most will keep it to themselves and will just let things go but me as an American this is the first time I’ve really felt out of place, I’ve always told my kids in order to change things in life you have to speak up otherwise nothing will change and now I’m being told in order to receive a salary I must keep my mouth shut and just smile, I know my potential I know I’m a good worker and I can act well but for it to cost me my dignity is the hardest thing ever I’ve had to do from what I’ve learned so far in the workforce here in Saudi is everyone is out for himself most of the time and to never trust anyone I’ve even been instructed for job interviews to be open don’t seem to be religious so I’m stuck between being myself and playing a double role just to obtain and to keep a job I had much more higher expectations when it came to working in Saudi I was terrified in the beginning I still am but I’m ready more than ever to take on the next challenges that come my way.

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Stories of the single life In Saudi Arabia

Chapter 1

Stories of the single life In Saudi Arabia,

I bet you were expecting a story of the single life from a man’s view? So many say that Saudi Arabia is a man’s world country, but this is Autumn’s story; my story of my views and struggles, and achievements, an obstacles I still have yet to face…

People will see me and think wow she’s so lucky to be living in Saudi Arabia, Alhumdullilah I feel blessed to be able to be living in one of the most difficult countries to get into but keep in mind the process to getting to come here was not the easiest, worth it? Yes, would I do it again? Yes in a heartbeat! As most know that who’ve been following me well as most know I’m a divorced American woman with 3 children, no my children don’t stay with me at the moment they live with their father and his wife; Did I want it to be this way? No! But financially I couldn’t provide for them on my own let alone having no one to stay with them at home while I worked so their father and I agreed that they’d stay with him in the meantime.

What are some of the biggest achievements I've reached so far? well with the help of a few good friends (KHALID and SALEH) I have successfully changed my iqama status, I'm now no longer under anyone's sponsorship but my own, how you're asking? well my kids are Saudi and their father is Saudi  so I now have permanent residency status and basically be treated as a Saudi, I've been living on my own for almost a year now so I guess that's an achievement within its-self, women will be driving here soon (WOOHOO)!!!! will I be driving after Ramadan? not exactly!! i'll probably be waiting for a good 6 months to a year until they can fix any problems with the traffic laws etc, Do I have a car in mind that I want? YESS!!! No its not a Mercedes or BMW I just want an Hyundai Azera preferably in a dark blue color with a bumper sticker that says (Queen) 😉 

DipNdip with my kids (sorry I don't share kids pictures publicly)

What do I do in the time since I’m single? Really not much I guess I’m kind of boring really I tend to hang out with friends from time to time all though my friends call me anti-social I mean I can be but sometimes I just tend to be alone but I do hang out with friends I really enjoy going to public events and interacting with the locals. I spend a lot of time at the mall for some strange reason being at the mall relaxes me seeing happy people make me happy, or I like to spend my time at the corniche (sea) and feed the stray cats and mostly and most importantly I spend time with my children every time I can but these days I haven’t been able to see them much because of financial issues.

Art drawings near the Khobar Corniche sea front.

Since my move to my new home things are nice I enjoy living alone it does get lonely at times but hey at least I can walk around naked and be sloppy from time to time and not have to feel bad about it in the end I’m cleaning up after myself.  I did however adopt 2 kittens their bit crazy at times but as my habibi said to me they give the home life or they bring life into the home (something like that, anyways you get it) lol.  Many are wondering is there a new person in my life? And the answer is yes those who’ve been following me for a while already know lol! Will there be a wedding in my future? To be honest I really wish so! But here’s the possibility in it not happening and why! Firstly he’s not Saudi (SURPRISE) he’s Yemeni but he was also born and raised here as much as we’d both love to get married with the changing in Saudi Arabia with the Saudization and the increase of iqama fees unfortunately it doesn’t seem to be possible or in the meantime it doesn’t seem like it will happen but I have hope and praying that something will happen and we can be together but if not In the end I guess I will be marrying a Saudi or stay single but for now he has my heart and my attention.

My furbabies big grey is Queen Bella small fry is Princess Zara

In the beginning of last year I had started working with a Hospital supplies company that I really enjoyed working with but with some circumstances I felt the need to leave and search for another job, I think in that moment I wasn’t thinking clearly I just wanted to leave without thinking things through first and without listening to what my manager had said to me he said to me ( go to them stay for a couple weeks if you don’t like it come back this is your home) boy do I wish I would had taken his advice, because the company I had joined after words was is the worst company I’ve worked with well I guess I can’t blame the company but the poor management, the company had decided to let me go due to financial problems and due to those financial problems I haven’t received 2 ½ salaries so here I am in the month of Ramadan with 150sar to my name alhumdullilah I have enough food in my home but even that is going quickly.  

To be honest even though the company I worked for let me go it was actually a sigh of relief at the same time I’m struggling to find my next work place before I have to pay my next rent payment in July!  Insha’allah I’ll find something but alhumdullilah I do have a pretty good support system even though I’m a very shy person when it comes to asking for help, I don’t like to ask really I feel ashamed and most times I have to fight with the ones closed to me to accept their help.

Overall I knew that living the single life would have its timing and challenging moments and well I’ve reached the top of my ride of the roller coaster and I’m waiting to see where it’s going to lead to. Will I stay in Dammam, will I move to a different city for work, will I end up moving to a different apartment because I can’t afford the payments of the one I’m in now I don’t know even though I’m quiet calm about my situation I have at least 3 close friends that I trust deeply to tell my deepest struggles and personal issues so (MAJDA,HASSAN,ABDULLAH) without these three I’d be completely lost  without them and I’m sure I will come out of this hard time just fine I’ve gotten through much darker situations and I’m confident that I’ll make it out okay..

Where there is darkness in your life surely there is light at the end of your dark road keep going until you find that light -Autumnbreeze83-

Just because someone is living the life that they wanted doesn’t mean that it came easy or are having it easy every success has its struggles, losses before things become smooth in the end really if it’s really what you want nothing and no one can stop you from getting to where you want to be.

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A New Chapter.

A new journey in life can be ether positive or negative ether way both teaches you a valuable lesson.. 

For those who've been following me for the past years has known that I was struggling with marital problems  last month of November of 2017 my divorce was finally finalized through the court.... 

The day before going to the court to receive my divorce papers I was terrified I've heard so many stories that women had to cover their face or they'd be turned away let alone that I was told that no one would speak English I felt a huge fear probably not that big of a fear to many but I really didn't know what to expect. As the day approached I had asked my driver if he could please take me to the court he drove me there and he'd went inside with me I will be always grateful to him because he helped with everything to translating, when it came to talking to the judge my driver had told him that I was scared the judge than said in his broken English "please don't scared"  we both laughed a little  and he then had told me of my rights after the divorce that if I wanted to seek support from my ex husband that I could do so to receive a payment for each child along with housing payment and money for me he insisted that I should do it I told him in the mean time I would not but maybe in the future that I would, he had than instructed me in the future that If I had decided to get married again that I'd have to have my divorce papers present for the "sheikh" to document everything before I got remarried in the future.

You'd think that the divorce part was the difficult process of my journey to the single life inside of Saudi Arabia, but it was finding living arrangements finding an apartment that was to my standards let alone my price range, I checked near the area I worked in but most of the areas that I checked were in Indian and Pakistani neighborhoods and I wanted to live in the Saudi neighborhoods, Alhumdullilah I did happen to find an apartment a little bit far from my work that wasn't really the issue the main issue was finding someone who'd rent to a single woman let alone an "American woman" they'd instantly think that i'd bring problems to them so out of his "rare kindness" my ex- husband put the apartment under his name then everything waited to fall into place, from buying appliances to home furniture...

I never thought that i'd say it but I've started to hate shopping well not all shopping but shopping for furniture, trying to find the right color of bedroom set to the prices and also paying someone to deliver it to the house and than putting it all together for you ALhumdullilah for the sales in the right moments an even more i'm grateful for the friends that I have that have helped me find the things that I needed to help me start my new life.

Moving into my apartment wasn't so bad, the worst thing was saying goodbye to my children.. Many are wondering "why couldn't you take your kids with you"? it's not that I didn't want to I want to but financially I could not provide for them in the way that they deserve where their father makes enough money  that he could, I'll never forget the look in the eyes of my children as I hugged and kissed each one I don't think it really sunk in until they got home and got ready for bed and that Mama wasn't there to tuck them in and hug and kiss them or read them their bedtime story before they went to sleep. It had crushed my heart to know that they cried for me even more when I had called them the next day and to hear my youngest baby who's 3 say to me " I love you mama" it made me smile but made me cry like a baby but this time away from them and them away from me I think will only strengthen our bond I see a big difference each time that I see them they're more cooperative and listen more but this hard struggle has encouraged me to fight and work  harder so that they can be with me again...

I've been criticized so much by so many about my decision to divorce, I didn't want to when I came to Saudi Arabia I wanted a long life until death with my ex husband the thought of divorce never crossed my mind even though we've had a lot of issues in the past we're both patient with each other, but the patients had ran out for both of us I think we're both emotionally and physically tying to make things work on top of that I could not handle his rude attitude towards me and him constantly putting me down and bringing me down I tried for 8 years to make it work for the sake of my kids but I got tired of crying for the things he'd say or the things he'd do and the things he didn't do to make me happy, I'm not perfect I made a lot of mistakes also but I've also learned from those mistakes and insha'allah will not repeat them for the future but I'm also teaching my kids that they don't have to just settle for anything even unhappiness in a relationship its bad for the kids to see their parents fighting its more damaging than divorce trust me I've been through it and I'm still traumatized from the things my mother had put up with my father so I speak from my own personal experience that I didn't want my own children to suffer the way that I did. 

Is living single easier in Saudi? it depends many will say that it would be much easier for men and they'd be right to some point because they can drive and do a lot more things without having to seek approval or permission, Where a woman here would have to rely on Uber or friends or family to driver her around where Saudi women they just go back to live with their families.... 

As for myself I like the independent life even though I can't drive yet Insha'allah within a few months Alhumdullilah we'll be able to until then I kind of enjoy being taken care of by the friends I know because I know and they know that I'd help them also in the future if they needed me to. With that being said its kind of nice living the single life I can go to work and go to the mall if I wanted to or to the corniche (SEA) without seeking approval I can stay out late I can visit friends and when I come home no one asks why or they don't yell at you for taking time for yourself and if you want to walk around the house naked and be a little sloppy in your house work its okay no one's their to judge you or make you feel bad about it, but  the single life does have its downside especially when you get lonely you want someone to hug you or talk to you and for me my home is quiet I kind of miss the sound of my kids and someone eating my favorite snacks I miss not having someone next to me when I wake up to hug them or kiss them so the single life is like that everywhere though I think but that's the life.

Will I go back to America? eventually! I have a obstacles to get through before I can go, like my Iqama *my resident status* my ex husband is still my sponsor so I still have to be nice otherwise he can cancel my sponsorship but they can't kick me out *hahah*  I still have to go to the passport place to fix my status my iqama will change from "wife of Saudi" to "Mother of Citizens" but that will make things a lot easier I think at least according to my resources I'd become my own sponsor so I'd have to issue my own entry exit visa's and pay for everything or I think the  Government takes care of the reissuing or money to pay for those things once those things are taken care of I will right about this journey and insha'allah i'd love to help those who're facing similar issues because I know how hard it is to not have much support around you,  but once this issue with my Iqama is fixed yes I will return to America to visit its really a long overdue trip that's truly needed...

Is there a new love in my life? Not at this point... 😊  I have high hopes that the right "Saudi man" is out there yes I'm wanting to marry another Saudi  that's not the issue facing the obstacles of the marriage permission process is the nauseating part because it's not exactly easy unless you have a pretty good wasta *influence* to help you with the process or to get the approval faster, also theirs some restrictions with the new age the man has to be at least in his 40's  and the men who're in the military or governmental such as *police, Military* etc they can't marry foreigners they have to marry Saudi women  all though it's not impossible I do have a friend who's married to someone in the military but they had to go directly to the prince to seek approval but insha'allah with all the things changing in Saudi Arabia I really hope this marriage permission thing is one of the things that's changed or removed I love Saudi Arabia and respect all their rules but this rule is the only one that I can't agree with even though I understand why it is the way it is but still you shouldn't prevent people who love each other from marrying its better to marry than to commit haram *Zina* (adultery).

Do I feel happier? Yes and no.  why? well its another failed relationship and it makes you think that theirs something wrong with you sometimes especially if it's not  your first failed marriage but also it gives you the chance to focus on yourself and to fix what ever issues there is before you decided to get into another relationship, in all sense yes I do feel happier I'll feel much happier once my work life is clear  once that is in clear focus I think I'll be much more relaxed but i'm much better than I was but it will take one day at a time to adjust to everything because finally I get to be independent again after 8 years I know that sounds funny especially from a woman who lives in Saudi Arabia but when you can feel comfortable being yourself than that's freedom and I am finally free. 

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My letter to "Him"

I have wrote this blog many times deleted and wrote and deleted again not really sure in how I can express how I've been feeling these past final times together.

I know I haven't always been the best wife you imagined and I'm sorry for that, I know you had such high expectations of this perfected wife you imagined me to be and I'm sorry I couldn't fit those expectations but for me  and I am grateful for you to be as patient as you were with me, all though you watched me struggle and fall apart I have worked hard to better myself and fell apart so many more times with my past.

The beginning of our marriage wasn't exactly pleasant there were many misunderstandings on both of our sides we both worked to try to understand one another we fought together to keep our family together but with all that effort in keeping things together something was missing....  Was it something I did? maybe? was it something you did? Yes most defiantly I will not sit here and say that I didn't have any hand in things failing but I will not take full credit for not making it work I remember as you used to tell me that it takes two hands to clap and if both are pulling the string than one day it will break.... an here we are at our final breaking point the string finally broke but why? 

We've both said many things we shouldn't have said we've both apologized to one another well mostly I apologized but apologies are kind of worthless if the behavior remains the same I know you sacrificed a lot for me and I know I've not said it enough but yes I am more than grateful for the things you've done and sacrificed for me but also I have sacrificed for you...I had your children all though you were not that happy when I was pregnant with them and not very supportive, I was patient with you throughout your student days, I learned a lot in how to handle a Saudi man I never expected it to be as complicated as you made it to be I left my family to be with you in another country but I learned to understand and learned to accept your ways but there was only a few things that I tried to accept but I could not... Your rude attitude,Your racism towards others, Easily angered and look to blame others and not take responsibility, For the fact you made material things your priority and more over your phone and computer..

I know for myself I have had anger issues and may still struggle with them from time to time but I've learned to try to deal with it and If I know I've done something wrong I immediately apologize and try to makeup for it and try to start a new page  to make things better...I know you may not even care to hear my advice and I know you're in the stage of looking for a new spouse from the app you've been searching in hoping you find better but there are somethings that you really need to change and here are those things...

1. Don't make your cell phone or computer your priority if something can wait for your reply and its not an emergency than it can wait and pay attention to your wife because that thing that's waiting for your reply will be there when you're done. 

2. Don't be materialistic  as they say money does not buy love or happiness some ladies are materialistic some like the simple things like a simple message, take her  for a walk at the sea but put your phone away and don't look at it when your with her make her feel she's the only thing important that needs your attention.

3.Compliment her praise her even if its not to your high expectations  appreciate her efforts because she did what she could to try to make you happy don't just compliment her occasionally compliment her often so she feels confident....

4. if its important to her don't criticize her or make her feel there is something wrong with her for liking something you may not. we all have something we care about or feel strongly about or may care about it may not mean anything to you but if it means something to her support her encourage her and most importantly always be positive in your response to not crush her enthusiasm.

5. When she's angry remember women are not men and are sensitive so even if it doesn't seem to be nothing to you apologize and I don't mean by words but by your actions and behavior to not repeat it!!! an if you're the reason for the tension own up to your mistakes no one ever died of swallowing their pride to admit they were wrong! 

6. An never talk highly about another mans wife and make her feel she has to compete to be better value her uniqueness and don't make her feel she isn't good enough...

7.If you must look to another woman *its haram by the way nature or not* don't do it in front of her and hurt her feelings or do it to test her jealousy this is an asshole move and if she gets pissed off don't get angry at her reaction.

8. Learn to be more positive when you get angry learn to handle it in a cool manner don't be always fiery and angry calm down there are more things that are worthy of your anger and small things are not worthy of anything!!!!

9. Treat her how you'd like someone to treat your mother or daughter and sisters!!!!

10. Always make her feel like she's your most important #1 priority!!

11. If you don't understand something don't get angry ask and try to understand what she meant to say, after all we have our own way of expressing things and maybe she has a better way...

12. Even if you've been fighting with her or angry at her never leave her angry or go to bed letting her feel sad..

13. Do not ever make her feel like you're feelings are more superior than hers you maybe the head of the house hold but her feelings matter too.

14.If she ends up having your children, be supportive because pregnant women are already under a lot of change and need support and love and as her body gets stretched out tell her she's beautiful because after having children our bodies don't always look the same and can make us feel not beautiful.


15. When you find out the things that make her happy do them an keep doing them if you want to always keep her smile never stop doing the things that keep her smile...




As I write my advise to you these are the many things that lacked in our marriage the simple things that I really needed from you but never got but was what I really needed an the things that destroyed our marriage.

 I really hope and wish the best for you and hope you find the right woman for you an will give you all the things I was unable to give you and may Allah grant you all the best this life has to offer to you.

I really don't know if this message will anger you if it does that is not my intention I hope that you can accept my advice with an open mind and hope it can help you to be better and anyone else that need the advice.

Yours truly your past life.💜

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Saudi Arabia the country of peace

When most people hear the name Saudi Arabia they would probably automatically connect it to terrorism and as some of you read the title of this blog you're probably thinking Saudi Arabia and peaceful country shouldn't even be in the same sentence, do you ever sit and ask yourself why? is it because what the media has told you or maybe you have a friend who already has ill feelings perhaps they were raised to hate something that they don't know much about, I know I'm guilty of that and I know many others are also, I too once thought Saudi Arabia was bad and the people scared me I didn't like them even though I never met a Saudi person  but why was I hating them? * I have written about my fear of Saudi Arabia in another blog if you care to read it please check it out (http://loveforksa.blogspot.com/2012/10/why-saudi-arabia.html)... 

So now back to the main topic *Saudi Arabia the country of peace! what does Saudi Arabia think about terrorism and how exactly do they and why don't they do anything to speak out against it?? and is it safe for westerners to travel here let alone work here!?

I know many people are thinking how ironic for a blog like this to come out especially with the current attacks in London and now the and now the news making it a huge deal because the apparent terrorist visited Saudi Arabia a few times, please know just because you visit a country it doesn't turn you into a terrorist and to be honest that is what pushed me to write this blog to try to teach and educate the people who have been fed the lies of the media listen to those who've lived here everyone has a different experience and majority have a positive experience living here!!!

First off Saudi Arabia does not support terrorism let alone allow it to happen here! if someone is caught being suspected of terrorism this is a serious crime and is not taken lightly if you're involved with any terrorist groups or linked to any attacks you're punished by execution which means the person is beheaded! lethal? yes but effective! this link talks about the execution of 47 terrorist convicts (http://www.arabnews.com/featured/news/859176 ). Saudi Arabia is a Muslim country Muslims from all over the globe come to Saudi Arabia to visit Makkah and Medina to pray, to ask for forgiveness to ask for better health an for a better and safe world to live in etc. because this is what Islam teaches anyone who commits an attack by killing an innocent person or themselves doesn't represent Islam, Islam is perfect people are not! 

So what does Islam say about killing innocent people? 

"The Holy Qur’an says, “Whosoever killeth a human being for other than manslaughter or corruption in the earth, it shall be as though he had killed all of mankind, and whoso saveth the life of one, it shall be as if he had saved the life of all mankind.” (Al-Mai’dah 5:32).

“The Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) has strongly prohibited killing of innocent people. One of the Hadiths says, “Whoever killed “Muaahadan” (a term used in Islamic state to refer to non-Muslim citizens), will not smell Paradise. And its scent can be smelled from a distance of 40 years (a term in Arabic means “far distance”).” (Narrated by Al-Nasaie)

There are many other Hadiths that urge Muslims not to kill others.

Before engaging in a battle, the Prophet Muhammad  used to instruct his soldiers:
• “Do not kill any child, any woman, or any elderly or sick person, or Unarmed  or the one who surrenders .” (Sunan Abu Dawud)
• “Do not practice treachery or mutilation. Do not uproot or burn palms or cut down fruitful trees. Do not slaughter a sheep or a cow or a camel, except for food.” (Al-Muwatta)
• “If one fights his brother, (he must) avoid striking the face, for God created him in the image of Adam.” (Sahih Bukhari, Sahih Muslim)
• “Do not kill the monks in monasteries, and do not kill those sitting in places of worship.” (Musnad Ahmad Ibn Hanbal)
• “Do not destroy the villages and towns, do not spoil the cultivated fields and gardens, and do not slaughter the cattle.” (Sahih Bukhari; Sunan Abu Dawud)
• “Do not wish for an encounter with the enemy. Pray to God to grant you security, but when you (are forced to) encounter them, exercise patience.” (Sahih Muslim)
• “No one may punish with fire except the Lord of Fire.” (Sunan Abu Dawud)
• “Accustom yourselves to do good if people do good, and do not do wrong even if they commit evil.” (Al-Tirmidhi)” http://www.arabnews.com/node/375112

So why hasn't Saudi Arabia spoken out against the current attacks? We have we speak out against it and we're working hard to try to fight it!  here are some links to prove that yes we indeed speak out against these attacks and will never support such hideous crimes.. http://saudigazette.com.sa/world/saudi-arabia-condemn-terrorist-attacks-in-paris/ , http://www.arabnews.com/node/960431/world, 

http://www.arabnews.com/node/946651/saudi-arabia, http://www.middleeasteye.net/news/arab-and-muslim-leaders-condemn-vile-terrorist-attack-nice-860788171

Saudi Arabia is also fighting terrorism inside the country this is a recent video of a shoot out between police and 2 terrorists...

I think we can agree on one thing, terrorism is like cancer it has no religion and it doesn't care in who you are and what your race or religion you are it's only mission is to destroy you and the only way to defeat cancer or terrorism is to stand together and fight together and put discrimination aside because as long as we keep pointing fingers in who created what then terrorists win, if you ever meet a Saudi student he or she will tell you that we don't accept this behavior because its "HARAM" (forbidden) and not Islam! 

Why does Saudi Arabia send their people to America? well majority of the saudis you'll ever meet in America or any other country outside Saudi Arabia are students or for business with companies and are some of the most kindest generous people you'll ever meet and are very interested in learning about your culture and life style so do please be hospitable and kind cause the students that come there not only come for education but to better their future when they return to Saudi Arabia and none of them want any trouble their normal people like anyone else so do please be kind....

Okay, how safe is Saudi Arabia for westerners to travel to let alone work?? first of all Americans, people from London or Europe are some of the most respected people in Saudi Arabia majority live in some of the best compounds that is only for them no Saudis are allowed to enter because in those compound areas the people that live there are free to do what they want, from ladies driving inside the compound yes you heard right women can drive in the compounds and also in some small cities in Saudi Arabia anyways, women don't have to wear abaya or hijab in these areas if you went into these compounds you would think you're in one of the beaches of California its that luxurious!

One of the homes in one of the compounds, photo taken by Jessica Fay.

Aramco beach photo taken by Jessica Fay.

A lot of companies that hire Americans get paid tickets to go back home at least once a year or more, they get paid medical, schooling for their kids Saudi Arabia is also tax free so you don't pay taxes but don't forget you still have to pay taxes from what ever country you're coming from... American's and Europeans that come here to work  they're some of the highest paid people in the country an the most respected they get double the salary that a Saudi citizen would get even if they had the same qualifications!

on of the beaches inside the compound. *photo taken by Jessica Fay*

So what is there to do for foreigners  that choose to come to work here? well if you like shopping we have a ridiculous amount of shopping centers here for almost anything you can think of. If you're a foodie we have some of the best restaurants here American restaurants too!!! So how do women get around if women can't drive? well that's easy!! if you're sponsored by a company to work here and if you're a woman you'd be provided with a driver who will drive you to where ever you need to go and also we have car services like *Uber, and Careem* to get you to where you need to go and the old taxi services.

So how safe is Saudi Arabia to live in?? Saudi Arabia is one of the safest countries I know you may laugh, but do you know what the number one cause of death is in Saudi Arabia??? I know you probably thought by suicide bombers right? Wrong! and no its not by murder or violence. The number one cause of death in Saudi Arabia is  Coronary Heart Disease, number two being Stroke!  surprised??? 

TOP 50 CAUSES OF DEATH Rate World Rank 1. Coronary Heart Disease 165.67 27 2. Stroke 126.77 47 3. Influenza and Pneumonia 44.89 70 4. Diabetes Mellitus 35.61 65 5. Kidney Disease 32.09 6 6. Road Traffic Accidents 25.33 33 7. Hypertension 22.36 35 8. Lung Disease 14.11 125 9. Inflammatory/Heart 11.00 45 10. Breast Cancer 9.61 148 11. Tuberculosis 8.54 77 12. Liver Disease 7.69 130 13. Colon-Rectum Cancers 7.21 87 14. Skin Disease 7.01 20 15. Lymphomas 6.34 45 16. Prostate Cancer 6.04 148 17. Liver Cancer 5.17 91 18. Endocrine Disorders 5.10 97 19. Lung Cancers 5.09 127 20. Congenital Anomalies 4.99 125 21. Asthma 4.86 83 22. Low Birth Weight 4.44 117 23. Fires 4.31 61 24. Falls 3.16 124 25. Leukemia 3.06 112

TOP 50 CAUSES OF DEATH Rate World Rank 26. Stomach Cancer 3.06 138 27. Diarrhoeal diseases 3.02 97 28. Ovary Cancer 2.68 147 29. Pancreas Cancer 2.60 101 30. Other Injuries 2.56 167 31. Drownings 2.46 106 32. Other Neoplasms 2.41 99 33. Malnutrition 2.33 87 34. Peptic Ulcer Disease 2.17 99 35. Meningitis 1.98 89 36. Birth Trauma 1.69 116 37. Oral Cancer 1.68 138 38. Bladder Cancer 1.64 103 39. Oesophagus Cancer 1.57 119 40. Uterin Cancer 1.49 109 41. Epilepsy 1.31 117 42. Alzheimers/Dementia 1.21 144 43. Cervical Cancer 1.20 168 44. Poisonings 1.18 90 45. Rheumatic Heart Disease 1.15 130 46. Parkinson's Disease 1.13 111 47. Violence 0.94 152 48. Hepatitis B 0.87 64 49. Skin Cancers 0.60 151 50. Dengue 0.56 24

http://www.worldlifeexpectancy.com/country-health-profile/saudi-arabia

So as long as you're in good health you really have nothing to worry about, because Saudi Arabia is known for their harsh punishments and for that reason crime rates are verily low, not say they don't happen they do but they don't rank number 1 of cause of death and if anyone was to attack a foreign person let alone an American not only does the embassy get involved the the police will protect you as if you're a VIP because you're a guest in this country and we take care of our guests because this is what Islam teaches us to take care of our neighbors and to protect...

 So do women have to wear the hijab or niqab??? No they don't I had addressed this in another blog but when I first arrived here to Saudi Arabia the first thing that shocked me is the women who didn't cover but were respectfully dressed....

This being example of women wearing what she likes, yes the ladies face is covered because in Saudi Arabia if you take someones picture without their knowledge you can get in big  trouble so in all aspects i'm protecting my ass and also her identity!

So you may ask yourself why would anyone want to visit Saudi Arabia let alone work there? my question for you is why not!!! what is there to fear? you're at higher risk at getting shot by wearing the wrong color in the wrong neighborhood than you are to get attacked here! in fact firearms are not allowed here, even the police and Military are not allowed to use their firearms unless given authorized to do so so yes Saudi Arabia is safe and probably one of the most hospitable countries you'll ever visit and people you'll ever know... an also coming to a different country will open your mind and views about another culture and religion and life style and if you get bored Bahrain and UAE, Kuwait, and Qatar, Oman are near by to feed your needs of drinking or clubbing eating pork and watching movies in the cinema... 

My conclusion is this Saudi Arabia is safe there is no doubt about that but all I can say don't believe everything you hear in the media the media tells you what they want you to know and most of that time they will feed you what they want to put fear and hate into your minds and heart so when you see something ask the people of the countries and the religions the media is attacking and ask with an open mind and open heart and with the intent of wanting to learn and to understand and always keep in mind "the fingers on your hand are not the same they're all different and nether people"!

I end the blog with this video, I hope I was able to answer some questions and misunderstanding about Saudi Arabia 

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