A Dreamers Reality.

 

When I look back on the dream that I had in the past, I misinterpreted a lot of their messages. For instance, before coming to Saudi Arabia, I had dreams of being happy. I used to think that it was Allahs way let me know that I will be fine and happy and content, but in reality, it meant the opposite being happy and a dream, and Islam means to stress, sorrow and unhappiness.

 I wish I would’ve known that before I went on my journey but then again, if I didn’t, I would not be where I am at now, I have faced imaginable amount of distress and still and now that I look back on those dreams where I felt happy it was a message of warning me of what was to come. 

I will never regret coming to Saudi Arabia like every Muslim. It is every Muslims dream to live in some Muslim country it was mine to live in the kingdom of Saudi Arabia even though the circumstance I have faced not once do I regret it and I am forever grateful to my previous spouse forgive him with the ultimate gift to be able to stay here and may Allah always reward him for that ameen. 

Every time I have attempted to return back to my country in America, I have faced circumstances they have prevented me from returning I could be angry, but I can’t. I feel that Allah is protecting me from something. I hope Inshallah to make my journey back home soon to visit my family. I often wonder if another occurrence will arise. 

I have always had intense streams some of the messages of warning or comfort to let me know that my distress will soon be at ease. I have always been reliant on my dreams. I used them as a source of guidance that a Allah talking to me through my dreams either warning me or something distressful is to come, or a warning that I need to change my ways before things become worse for myself. 

It has been four years now since I have seen my older children and all honesty I have no one else to blame myself for my behaviors and actions and the end myself and my older kids are paying the price and every day I live with that regret unfortunately, I cannot turn back time I can only learn from my mistakes and try to make up for last times and try to tell My Kids and why the things happened. 

I often see my kids in my dreams and in those dreams I am at my happiest and I fight to stay asleep. I don’t want to wake up. I miss them and I hope that Allah will reunite us soon and the reality I know that Allah is keeping us apart for a reason, and I have to trust Allah‘s plan and the meantime I need to fix myself the broken parts of myself that the people in the past have left me with to fix. 

So my conclusion, when it comes to interpreting our dreams, it is important to pay attention closely and to find someone who can properly interpret those dreams so we can know what to expect, and Islam says if it’s a positive dream it is from Allah could also be a warning from Allah it’s a bad dream or a nightmare then that dream is from Sheitan and spit three times to your left, and to not mention it anyone to prevent it from coming true also a dream can occur from when you keep thinking or seeing something I enjoy my dreams they give me something to look forward to but also, they can be distressful not understanding what they mean if I cannot forget a dream I take it that it’s a sign or a message that I have to figure out I believe Allah has given me a gift by giving me dreams as a guideline and my life I know my story may not benefits anyone, but it’s my story that I have learned from. 

I know some people would think I’m overly sensitive about when it comes to dreams positive and negative energies, but that is who I am. God has given me this gift, and I have to embrace that but not be ashamed.  

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A mothers cry

It’s been a couple years since my last blog life tends to be pretty busy with my 2 daughters and with work. 

Not much has really changed in regards of the issue with my kids I’ve faced some issues a little over a year ago in regards of my ex and his spouse stalking my social media profiles only to report comments out of context to the police I found myself facing public prosecution for a comment I made that I always heard my ex husband say but apparently it shouldn’t be said publicly. 

They made claims that I had made insults  against the country as well as the neighboring country, I told the public prosecutor anyone who knows me on social media well enough knows about my strong pro views on Saudi Arabia along with the government along with submitted proof. 

Alhumdullilah with the long effort of my embassy and careful evaluation of the prosecution office they had me sign a waiver to not do it again. Ever since then I’ve been very cautious in what I put I’ve stopped with political discussions out of fear of saying something and it being taken out of contents again and facing the same issue, I felt as long as I stuck with giving “dawah” I should be fine and just keep private things viewable to people in my life or I personally know. 

I felt that given dawah has helped me a lot, it has helped me heal religiously and helped my relationship with Allah all though I still stumble from time to time that’s life. 

The public prosecution was supposed to arrange a meeting with my ex and try to come to an agreement in regard of my children but unfortunately nothing has taken place InshAllah it will. 

In the mean time the only way i can get updates on my children is through a suspended twitter account watching my exes wife boast about her time with my children and going on and on about how awful of a person I am while she gets praises and I’m slandered Alhumdullilah is all I can say she still religiously watches  my social media accounts waiting for something new to report  to the police or to criticize it’s funny how people stalk for different reasons mine to see how my kids are hers out of spite and to be malicious. 

Ever since being prevented my children my mental health has deteriorated something my exes wife has recently found out about me and likes to humiliate the people who suffer from mental illness and link it to lack of faith. All I can do is feel bad for her though I think it’s commons  though if you take a mothers children away from her prevent her from talking to them and violating court agreements of course it’s going to cause a mental breakdown. 

Everyone keeps telling me that one day my kids will be back with me I really hope that one day and I hope that they will not hate me as I know they’ve poisoned their minds against me I have to be hopeful one day they’ll be back in my life and maybe one day Allah will soften the hearts of my ex and his wife to allow me in my children’s life and to coparent like civil people for the sake of the children. 

I’ve made bad choices that has caused all of this in well aware of that but not in the circumstances of the rumors that people believe. Overall I’ve changed I’ve repented and keep repenting to Allah to forgive me and reunite me with my children. 

Who knows maybe Allah has kept me and my kids apart for a reason for what ever the reason I pray that Allah guides my children back to me I love them more then my own life and that he protects them from illnesses and harm and keeps them on the straight path of Islam and puts in their hearts to forgive me for my mistakes that I made to cause their hardship Ameen. 

Until then I’m reunited with my children my heart will continue to bleed and cry for them. 

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