It’s been a longtime since the last time I have posted. So
much has happened that I have felt completely gutted and broken. So many
changes in my life have derailed me where some positive changes have literally
saved my life.
I don’t even know where to begin with this. As I write about
the things that have happened I write with a broken heart that is holding on to
the last brittle thread of hope and a shattered faith that I’m slowly trying to
find my way back. I had debated rather I should write or not but realized
writing is what helps me feel better and to heal…
Three years ago things were going fine in my life, I had
just started a new job with an Oil and Gas company I was promoted as office
manager for the V.P. of the company I
was still newly single from my recent divorce I was finally free from the toxic
hell of a marriage and was starting to rebuild my confidence I didn’t need to
rebuild my Independence that never left I’ve always been a independent person
where I’d accept little help I always felt ashamed to ask an I didn’t want to
burden anyone.
My ex-husband moved on rather quickly in his life he
remarried my 3 children stayed with him as heart aching of a decision it was to
let them stay with him I felt it was in the best interest of my children, their
father made double or triple of what I made and I couldn’t have given them the
life that they needed and the new wife she seemed to be okay the kids were
happy and didn’t complain so I felt happy. I was able to come and see them
anytime, I had them over at the house on the weekends or I’d stop by after
finishing work to spend time with them. Things came to a halt with visitation
when I had suddenly was let go from a previous job that had withheld my salary
for 3 months I was literally living on Indomie noodles and bread and cheese for
three months I felt ashamed because I couldn’t afford to bring my children to
my home and I didn’t want to ask their father that I needed help with getting
them food and I didn’t want them to feel board from staying home so I ended up
not calling as much my heart broke not talking to them but it broke my heart that
I couldn’t explain in why I was unable to come visit them I didn’t want to
disappoint them and I also didn’t want their father knowing that I was
struggling and to have that ego like “oh I knew she couldn’t make it without me”
so I literally kept to myself I did have help but it was more like forceful
help because my pride gets in the way of requesting for help.
I applied for three months for different jobs, I had friends
help me by sending my cv, arranging interviews but nothing all the money that I
was actually saving was from my country but was saving for rent which was
around 9,600 for every 6 months on top of that paying utilities leaving me with
literally 1-200sar to buy any food with and I bought very little so I would at
least have enough to go to interview if I received a call.. Finally after excessive
applying I received a call for a interview it was a rather weird interview but
alhumdullilah I was happy I got a job finally and could start spending time
with my kids again everything was getting better until I learned my kids were
moving to a different city, I admit it I lashed out at the new wife because I felt
actually I know it was her idea to move so she could be closer to her family I
mean we were in the same country but it was an extra expense that was hard for
me to afford, I would go visit my kids every other month.
My first visit with my kids when they moved to Jeddah was
not as pleasant as I had wished, I had spent nearly 650sar on a plane ticket
and around the same for a hotel and was only allowed to see my kids for 4
hours!!! 4HOURS!!!! I didn’t know what to do I had limited money with me at the
time so activities were limited but thankfully the hotel had a swimming pool so
I was happy my kids wanted to go swimming one they had fun, two: it saved me
money. After finishing the kids went back up to my hotel room I searched
through my bags searching for shampoo and soap I packed everything in a hurry
that I forgot them so I felt it would be okay that they had just rinsed off in
the shower all three rinsed and showered and we cuddled in the bed waiting for
their father or the driver to come pick them up. I cried. I wanted more time
with them it literally broke me into pieces. I had thought about moving closer
but I really didn’t want to move I was comfortable where I was at and felt the
distance was better even though the expense was a bit inconvenient… I had
booked the hotel until Saturday I had arrived late on Thursday due to plane
late arrival so I had to wait until the next day to go to the airport and see
if I can catch an earlier flight back home. As I was waiting for my flight I
had received a message from the step mother accusing me of being careless in
not cleansing my children after the swimming pool resulting in my youngest in
having a rash, My first thought he had a reaction to the chlorine from the
swimming pool and it would just go away but she belittled me and made it out as
if I deliberately tried to make my child sick turned out it was hand and foot
disease. According to medical studies hand and foot diseases don’t just show up
instantly like that they would had to already infected prior the symptoms take
time to show up so in that aspect I let their cruel words go knowing that it
didn’t happen from my end but theirs. Still I was broken and angered from how I
was treated and only able to sit with my kids for a misally 4 hours; finally my
flight arrived, I boarded my plane and went back home as I waited for ever for
uber arrival at the airport I wanted to get home quickly so I could sleep and
be ready to go to work the next day.
Thankfully things became better I worked, traveled back and
forth I was finally able to breath and live freely. Work was good all though
the manager was not very kind he treated me and any women who came to an
interview like they were not good enough I only held onto the job because I
didn’t have anything else lined up.. I enjoyed working there I enjoyed the
girls I worked with until one day a couple of the girls had got sick and couldn’t
make it so I ended up working alone in the woman’s section. I was doing my work
trying to help new employees get medical insurance then heard a knock at the
door, It was the manager he came in to discuss what I was doing and what more
tasks he needed me to do as I listened taking notes he walked closer to me and tried to kiss me; I pushed him a way and he
shoved me back down to my chair and left the office I didn’t know what to do at that point I had asked a friend in what I should do, he
asked me if I was able to prove it I said I couldn’t because there’s no cameras
in the women’s section and it would be my word against his my friend instructed
me to just start looking for another job and pretend like nothing happened…
I did as my friend suggested by my manager would not stop humiliating
me he would be little my work where I was the only one coordinating with the
other offices to help get new employees their insurance and doing interviews
that were his job to do he would say things like I’m wasting money on you and I
wasn’t worth the money he was paying me.. As I learned I just kept silent I
kept applying different places until finally I found a job in a company I was
trying to get into from the start of applying for work, I went to the interview
an waited for their reply I was nervous thinking I wouldn’t get in
ALHUMDULLILAH I received the email I asked one of the other girls to read it
because I was afraid to be disappointed and not accepted, they were so happy
for me that I was going to somewhere better but I would miss them but they
luckily went to better companies as well…
Finally I was hired into a company I wanted to work for
things were a slow process but I didn’t care I was in that’s all I cared about
because with Oil and gas once you’re in your in and to finally have an identity
with one of the biggest oil companies even if you’re a subcontractor is a
stepping stone to better things. I was hired as a logistics coordinator it was
something I enjoyed and was very eager to learn, I was then asked by the V.P.
if I would be interested in working as his office manager I gladly accepted as
it was a higher position and I’d be able to meet important clients of the
company.
Things were going great I was working where I wanted, I
lived where I needed to be, I was single, I was I was seeing my kids frequently
and talking to them even though the step mother and I clashed from time to time
we seemed to have gotten along things were perfect.
I was asked by the companies VP and CEO that they had
important clients coming and because I’m a woman they trusted my choice in
selecting oud, they gave me a budget and had one of the other secretaries sit
in as I went shopping for oud. I booked my uber ride and headed to the Mall of
Dhaharan, I went to several shops for bakhoor and oud but all were out of price range for what I
was given I finally went to one last shop where I met a salesman who I never
expected would be my husband today lol. I purchased the oud the salesman and I
talked for a couple hours but I had to get back to the office my manager was
calling me asking where the hell I was lol I had exchanged numbers with the
salesman but it would be 3 months later that I’d actually start talking to him.
I would go that same mall often it was always so full of life especially on the
weekends I would hang with friends from time to time but I often enjoyed my own
company.
I don’t know what made me contact my husband that day, I
guess I was just feeling a bit lonely and decided to go to the mall and see if
that salesman was working I had seen him pass me at a glimpse I messaged him
and said I seen him he didn’t reply so I didn’t really bother me I just let it
go until I headed into the mall and passed by his shop, He asked me to come in
and have a seat we’d talk for hours as he would work in between customers. It
was a bit of a challenge because his English wasn’t that great but he had me to
practice with, I would come each day after work to go to the mall he then
mentioned to me that he was married and had children, it was at that moment I
respected a sister and said I would no longer talk to him, I deleted his number
and blocked him from messaging me.
It was I’d say 4
weeks later I had received a message from a strange number from a woman
claiming to be the wife of the salesman I was talking to so often she had requested
to meet me, I was honestly scared I don’t know why I agreed to meet her but
felt it was her right so I met her, we talked she had asked me if I would
accept in being her husband’s second wife as she was planning to go back
to Yemen and didn’t want him to fall
into haram and respected me for stopping the communication when I learned he
was married I told her I would think about it, a few days later the sister would
message me asking if I would accept in marrying her brother I said insha’allah I
need to clarify things before accepting because I was enjoying my independent
single life I wasn’t really looking to meet or marry anyone.
It took my husband a good 9 months to finally convince me to
marry him. His wife went back to Yemen our husband started the process in our marriage
medical checkup after completing the medical checkup and being in the clear it
was 3 months later that we finally got married.
While I was in the process of marrying I had went to go
visit my children little did I know it would be the last time I would see them,
we went to the cinema to go see the last Toy Story 4 we enjoyed a good meal we
went to toysrus and allowed my kids to choose their own toy my oldest chose a
nerf gun, my daughter a hula-hoop, my youngest son chose a set of hotwheels. We
went back to the hotel to rest for a while I had ordered our dinner and we
slept for the night I asked them what they’d like to do the following day and
they wanted to go to the pet store it was a odd request but who am I to say no?
We went where my oldest son held his first snake he felt so proud and brave I
was proud that he wasn’t scared he’s always been my adventurous child insha’allah
he will always be that way. We finished with the pet store and we had a bite to
eat before they would go back to their father we sat in the lobby of the hotel
as my son was scrolling through my pictures where he’d seen pictures of my fiancé
and I together, I had planned to tell them but in the right moment.
Their father had finally arrived where it would be the last
time I would hug and hold each one and take many selfies together I remember
telling my oldest baby as he came back to hug me one last time crying I told
him don’t cry I will be back again in a month.
That month came and contacted the step mother as it was in her request
that I had to go through her to talk to my kids or discuss anything about them
instead of their father because apparently to her it was haram for me to talk
to my ex husband. I had told her I had planned to come in October which was for
my oldest sons birthday it was at that moment my entire world would completely shatter,
she told me I would no longer be allowed to see my kids until I had permission
from the court, I wasn’t given an explanation but to give up full custody I was
completely gutted and confused I asked why and was never given an explanation
until I decided I wasn’t going to give up custody but would seek my rights for
visitation I hadn’t done anything wrong.
I panicked a million things went through my mind in why I
was suddenly being prevented from seeing my children one of my friends refereed
me to a lawyer who offered me his help for free unfortunately that free service
changed when he learned I was engaged to a Yemeni he pleaded with me to meet
other Saudis to change my mind but once he realized my mind was set and he
couldn’t detour my mind his services to help me became garbage! The last time I
had seen that lawyer he had requested me to come in when I arrived and went into
the office to my shock my ex husband was there I jumped and looked like a deer
in headlights I was angry at my lawyer for not telling me I felt ambushed, it
was there I sat and listened to the lies my ex husband fed me while watching
his crocodile tears about our son not doing well he then asked me who the man
was in my social media because him and his wife were stalking my social media
profiles to gain a much bigger case against me. I told him he was my fiancé where
he didn’t believe me he told the lawyer I was going through said that was doing hashish and a bunch of
random lies that I was also allowing men to meet my children which never happened I have always been very
private when it came to my time with my kids that time was with me and them and
no one else, it clicked that the man they were referring to was my fiancé.
Each time I had went to Jeddah I had booked a single flight
a single room with a king size bed so me and my children could share it anyone
knows in Saudi Arabia that you can’t rent a hotel room with someone who’s not
your husband without proper documentation of proof! My fiancé never met my kids
I had asked a sheikh if it was haram for be to be close to my fiancé intimately,
the sheikh instructed you have the intention of marrying and have gone through
the proper requirements so no its not haram its allowed to be intimate with
your fiancé my ex husband made it out to be that I was committing haram that
was the last time I seen my ex husband face to face and the last time I dealt
with that bad lawyer he handed me my file an said to find a different lawyer
and he had wasted time on mine when he could had made money else where.
The claims my ex husband made against me were also in that
file it was at that point my ex husbands fake tears and trying to get me to
settle things outside the court were all fake so he could further more control
me to have supervised visits as if I were a threat or danger to my children.
The claims against me were;
1. I had cats
2. I smoked
3. I was doing hashish
4. I was committing haram with my fiancé who’s now my husband
5. a case that I was abused a child was also used against me.
6. It was mentioned I was mentally ill and unstable
7. I had a brain tumor (because I was being screened for MS and had
to be hospitalized)
8. I don’t pray on time
9. For being to Western (American)
I was appalled at the claims
even if they were true none of them a reason to prevent me from my kids well
except the hashish one but I wasn’t doing that..!!!
I took the file and went to
a different lawyer I had went to before to see my rights before I married my Yemeni
husband I felt he was the perfect fit since he knew I was being sincere and not
looking to make any problems an wasn’t committing haram I ended up giving him
power of attorney paying him full up front he helped but not to the extent I
needed someone to help fight for me.. I had to go under psychiatric evaluation
to assure that I was not mentally unstable I brought documents to support that
I’m medically fine that I didn’t suffer from any mental illness and was in no
way a threat or danger to my kids and explained to them that everything was
agreed before that I could see them anytime and didn’t understand why they were
doing this to me. Every time I would call my kids the innocent laughter and
jokes started to slowly change into serious questions and short phone calls
that were evaluated by my ex husband and his wife it broke my heart and it all
made sense in why my kids were not doing well! I know divorce can be hard on
kids but using children to be against their mother would be beyond damaging alhumdullilah
I passed the evaluation only to be told I’d have to go under a second evaluation
WHY!!!! During the second evaluation I completely broke down and told them you
guys are against me because I’m not Saudi and of course you will side with him
as I handed them proof against the false claims it was then that the court
sided in my favor to see my kids… Finally a sigh of relief right? WRONG!!!
Well during the times of
fighting my case I did have some bitter sweet moments I married my husband in
January 21,2020 it was a very trialing time because when he met me I was so
full of energy and spontaneous when things happened with my kids being
prevented from them it literally devastated me mentally, physically, to the
point I ended up losing my train of thought in my work I couldn’t focus anymore
and I didn’t care it came to the point of me losing my job from my unite being
restructured then facing court for my kids I hit rock bottom, I had planned to
visit USA with the settlement from the company then corona happened we were all
quarantined I felt well fuck I just can’t win!!! I just want to breath and to
live without the fucking problems what did I do to deserve to be dealt with
like this just why? I didn’t even start anything with them!!! I’ve done
everything they requested and they still want to fight me to make me miserable!
I was able to find work with
my husband as a salesman its not what I wanted but it was work and it kept my
mind distracted from the chaotic problems it would be in June that I found out I
would be expecting my 4th child I was ecstatic so happy to the point
I stopped smoking my baby girl literally saved my life from rock bottom and
gave me a reason to keep fighting in this life and for my rights alhumdulliah
she was born February 23rd 2021 3 days before her younger brothers
birthday with a 7 year age gap.
Meanwhile I was winning my
case in the court the step mom was
stalking my social media an slandering me on her whatsapp messenger for
everyone to see talking about me being a bitch (whore) or saying I wasn’t good
enough so I was replaced (which was funny since shes’ also divorced and
remarried) I didn’t understand why until
I received a call from the police station, I asked for what! He had mentioned
that the step mother had filed a claim against me saying I talked badly about
her on my social media I thought it was only 1-2 posts until I had to make a
trip the police station to see page after page of accusations against me
claiming I talked badly of my ex-husband asking for money and exposing them to
the media demanding my rights and talking against the country.
My heart sank more and more
as I read each post that they had reported it came to the post I had talked
about talking to my oldest daughter when she asked why I didn’t want them that
they were shown lies of me saying I didn’t want them I broke down and told the
police this man is trying to prevent me from my kids he told me to bring all
proof so it can be added as support to my case it would be 3 months later that
I would have to face the public prosecution to explain more in what I had meant
in my comments that were used against me, I told him that the problems I’m
facing in the court in regards of my children that the man I was married to for
8 years knows very well I’d never speak against the country let alone the government
and he’s using it to further prevent me from my kids.
It has been since before Eid
Al Adha since I’ve heard anything from the public prosecution office in what my fate will be, the last thing that
was mentioned was that they’d contact my ex to try to get him to drop the case
and to forgive me. It has been 2 years since I have seen my children it has
been almost 1 year since I have been able to talk to my kids since the step
mother has blocked me from calling my kids it is like my children have been
kidnapped from me I can see them, I can’t touch them, I can’t talk to them I
can’t even tell them they have a new sister which I’m sure they know since they’re
probably still watching my social media.
The past 2 years have been
incredibly hard every day I pray that I seek justice and will see my kids
again, everyone tells me that my children will come back and will be looking
for me I just fear that they will hate me with the lies that they were told
about me, Im not a perfect mom but I love my kids and nothing I’ve done was
ever in intent to hurt them I love them so much I miss them it hurts so much
being away from them and not being able to hold my youngest son having his soft
arms around my neck I miss the laughter
and the random math questions my oldest asks me I hope insha’allah soon that I
will seek justice and that the ones who have been unfair will seek their
punishment for their unfair and unjust actions .
Things have been a never ending roller coaster ride I'm holding onto the faith that I have and onto hope that justice will soon be served and i'll again be able to see and hold my kids again and be able to be happy again..
For my sweet babies if you
ever see this or get to read it please know your mother loves you so much an
will always love you and will never stop fighting for you until my heart stops
beating and please do not listen to the lies of the people around you may Allah
keep your health, May Allah keep you safe, and May Allah reunite us again soon
Ameen.
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| وَلَا تَحۡسَبَنَّ ٱللَّهَ غَـٰفِلاً عَمَّا يَعۡمَلُ ٱلظَّـٰلِمُونَۚ إِنَّمَا يُؤَخِّرُهُمۡ لِيَوۡمٍ۬ تَشۡخَصُ فِيهِ ٱلۡأَبۡصَـٰرُ (٤٢) |
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