First Fasting in Saudi Arabia

It's been quite a long time since I have blogged, and I apologize to anyone who has been following me and waiting for so long life happens and just got caught up in it...

So it is Ramadan right now we have a week left to go until Eid, and I'm sad that Ramadan is ending. This is actually my first Ramadan to be able to fast here in Saudi Arabia the first 2 years being here I was pregnant and always sick, then the following here was nursing my son so this was my first fasting here in the country and it has been such an amazing experience I wish others get the chance to experience.

all though this isn't my first Ramadan as a Muslim I have fasted many times before in America and it has is positive benefits too others eat around you, your co-workers ask questions about the fasting month many raise their eyebrow in surprise and ask " You can't eat or drink for a whole month" and you get to give dawah so its a win win actually you fast and you gain hassanat by teaching others at the same time its not the same when you fast in a Muslim country. 

These days it's pretty humid and hot around 105 degrees at the moment that's 42 celcius and going out in this humid heat it is hard to fast and you see people working so hard in this heat and not being able to eat or drink to replenish their energy, most times many people will sleep throughout the day at least until the asr prayer which is the 3rd prayer of our 5 daily prayers while most women are preparing iftar for the breaking fast meal.

it's the most beautiful feeling to be in a country of other Muslims who are fasting with you everyone waiting for the athan *Call of prayer* to take a drink of water and eat dates then moving on to eating, some people will break their fast on just dates and water then go to the Masjid (Mosque) then return home then eat the prepared iftar because if you eat to much before prayer its not very comfortable to bend up and down on a full stomach after relaxing and after meal time most will enjoin in good conversation or go out because a lot of the shopping centers are closed during the day time for the fasting including restaurants and of acourse grocery stores are always open but from my experience going out in this times are some of the feel good vibes I love the most everyone is out,and full and has their regained energy and many of us will end up at a nice resturant or the mall food court ordering food for suhoor *meal before fasting*.


 I really wish I could submit my feelings into this blog in how happy it makes me feel to be here fasting with other Muslims especially in Saudi Arabia fasting in genreal is amazing but when a whole country is doing it with you its an amazing experience especially hearing qur'an recitations throughout the cities my first fasting ramadan here has really impacted my heart in such a good way that I am so content to where I am and could not imagine another place to live in to be as I am.

Read More

My Journey to Islam ...

My Journey to Islam

Hi, My name is Autumn I’m also known as  Sahar! I was born August 17,1983 In Bryan Ohio, Born to my single mother  Debbie Clauson. I grew up most of my life in Ohio I was a raised Christian in the Church of Christ, I always went to church with my mom, I grew up singing songs praising Jesus known to me then as the Son of God and praising him for dying for our sin. I really enjoyed those times going to church going to youth groups, camps among other Christian teens and children learning about the word of God!

Being raised Christian was easy I could do whatever I want and all I needed to do is pray to Jesus to forgive my sins! But something that I never understood Is why do I have to pray to Jesus to forgive my sins in order to get to God? I remember asking my mom and other people, and they would tell me you cannot question what God says you have to accept it women are not allowed to speak out in the church during services so I never asked anymore after that but there was always that wonder of why and so many other questions I had to ask but I wasn’t allowed to ask and when I did ask I was left more confused before I asked, Like Where did God Come from?, Why do I have to Pray to Jesus in order to get to God why can’t I talk to him directly? Why would someone else pay for my sins that I committed, and most of all how does God die? And God, Jesus, holy spirit =1?.

  As I got older my independents grew and choosing my own life style and ways also grew! I was learning about different things about cultures, Religion, life styles, Political senesce. And I was very curious to where I fit in and what made sense! So I started with Religion. I never knew there were so many different religions but I thought ok Jesus was a Jew so I will start with learning about that. And thought Is Autumn a Jew? But when I asked other Jews about Judaism and how I can become a Jew they told me I could not I had to be born a Jew so I then knew that Autumn was not meant to be a Jew.

 I then came to other beliefs such as Satanic or Wicca and I was drawn to it but didn’t know the dangers of it! A friend of mine I went to school with was into Wicca and satanic worship and she had what they called the Satanic bible as I read I was curious to know more I unfortunately cannot remember what was read and really don’t want to remember all I remember about learning about that is going to sleep and seeing a dark shadow in my closet telling me to come to him, and my friend told me that It was Satan telling me to come to him after that I had no desire to learn more about religion!.

In the year of 2001 I became pretty distant and not sure on what to do with my life I worked, went to school came home and that was pretty much it. I watched my sisters tried to help my mom out as much as I could and felt that I wasn’t going anywhere, in sorting out what type of life am I going to live!  I suddenly started to have weird dreams that I didn’t know what they meant I then had a dream. I was standing in front of a black cube and a man had come to me and said I want to invite you to Islam, after that dream I ignored it until September 11th happened. After that I remembered the dream and was like I don’t want to be a part of a religion that kills innocent people I was planning to go into the U.S. Army  I had already taking my tests to join all I needed to do is take my final test and sign on the dotted line and I was in after 9/11 It was the encouragment ! then at work one day I had become friends with a person who was from Iran I didn’t care much of him because of what I was seeing and hearing on T.V. and I remember him saying don’t believe everything you hear on the T.V. it’s not what it always seems! And I remember saying to him “of course you would say that your one of them”. After 9/11 I kept having dreams about Islam things I had no idea what they were about I tried to ignore them but I couldn’t! So I decided ok the media is saying Islam is so horrible and I wanted to see what was so horrible about this religion! So I finally had access to a computer at school and my mom had gotten us a computer for the home so I went to chat rooms asking about Islam and I remember thinking to myself  I’m going to be a good Christian and lead Muslims to Christianity! But when it came to debates I could never answer their questions but they were able to answer all the questions I had as a Christian from explaining to me that only Allah can forgive your sins not a man and remember him asking me how does God die?!  after these talks I became confused on what to believe because all I knew was what I grew up on learning in Christianity.

 I had kept getting these dreams about Islam and they just would not go away and I knew that Islam was not what it appeared to be talked about on the T.V. 1 year later after 9.11  on September 12th 2002 I remember it was at night and I was in a chat room on Aol at the time it was called Koran and I remember saying I want to become Muslim but I don’t know what to do. And a woman had messaged me and said if you want to become Muslim I can help you and said I need ur number so that I can call you and have the Iman talk with you and I said ok.  I gave her my number my heart beat so heavily waiting for her call and she called me and said this is the Imam he will talk to you from here and he explained to me the 5 pillars of Islam and what is expected of me to be a Muslim and asked me do you still believe and want to be Muslim, and I said Yes. And he said to repeat after me “Ash hadu lailaha Illallah wa ashadu ana muhamadan rasullilah” and then had me say it again n English “I bear witness that there is no God but God and Muhammad is his messenger” and he then after that had said to me sister you are now Muslim and from here on out you have no sins you are clean as the day you are born and I suggest you to take a shower and sleep! I did as he advised when I had slept I had another dream that night this time I was in front of the same black cube I had dreamed of before and the man i had seen in the dream approached me and smiled to me masha’allah sister welcome after that dream I had woke up and I had felt as if something had lifted from me I felt so different and at peace.

Ever since that day I have studied so hard and read and learned so much on how much dedication and commitment it takes to be a Muslim. Throughout the years I have met so many different people from different countries that have helped me become the person I am today.  Islam saved my life it helped me respect my self, it helped me to respect my mother, it stopped me from drinking so much, it stopped me from so many things that could have easily ruined my life I am so grateful that Allah chose me and guided me to Islam!

Read More

Life in Saudi Arabia

national day here in Saudi Arabia.

It's been a year in 4 months today since I have came to Saudi Arabia, and so much has changed, I know I have been pretty lazy on writing anything on here so I'm sorry for anyone who has been following my blogs.
many questions I always hear from people are these and thought I'd address them.

"which do you like living better in America or Saudi Arabia"
"Has moving to another country been easier to learn arabic"
"how was it giving birth there?"
"what are the things you miss most from America?"
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Firstly I will answer the first question, Where do I like living more in America or Saudi Arabia? well every country is going to have its fair share of problems you can ether nit pick at everything or learn to accept the imperfections of the home you choose to live in. 1. I love Saudi Arabia as you all already know  but for anyone from Saudi Arabia who has traveled outside there country knows how a proper system is and how much more comfortable it is to have an actual fixed system, such as a decent Traffic laws,hospital system, customer service mind you though Saudi Arabia is an 82 year old country that is still developing so I have faith in its potential.

The only complaints I have about Saudi Arabia is this, it's one of the richest countries in the world and yet the roads are poorly made with cheap quality this is the fault of the companies mind you not the government this is one of the many issues here besides the fact that many cities rely on water tanks,gas tanks and some do not have internet access still and the poor hospital service and the cleansing-less of the country the first thought that comes to mind as an American living here is this is the richest country in the world and yet this is how things are here Dubai is a much younger country and very wealthy and look at where they are???
 I know you ask if I think like this then why do I live here? well as I said its a young country and it will get there insha'allah so which do I love to live more?
If Saudi Arabia had the systems like in the western countries then it would be more enjoyable and if America had the religion Saudi Arabia has it would be more enjoyable so there really isn't an easy way to answer and to be frank I love both for how they are ether developed or under developed I came to Saudi Arabia because I love the people and the culture and I can handle and deal past the imperfections I love America because it's my country and my family are there but I also love Saudi Arabia because the people here are the family who will always be there "islamicly speaking"

This is the crazy traffic I'm talking about!!!

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

second question, Has moving here helped improve my Arabic?:

well yes and no! I have gained a few more words here and there I have memorized the numbers in Arabic but I don't get out much here and having 3 kids now it makes it kind of difficult to do much around here, I know it really isn't much of an excuse but it is what it is for me and insha'allah I will learn.

 All though I don't know much Arabic here your forced to learn which can be ether a good thing or the "culture shock" some warned me about, to be honest I'm still waiting for the culture shock to set in I think the only struggle in this country is not knowing how to communicate well, even though I do not speak arabic something I have realized is when people speak here they use a lot of hand gestures and that helps a lot when I am listening to someone talk to me.

like for example this picture of this hand gesture, it can have a couple of meanings to it one meaning, "wait" or it can mean as a friend told me "your gonna get it" or "your dead" well not literally dead but your gonna get your bum whooped lol.

I feel like it's going to take me a life time to learn Arabic many people such as my  neighbors who are good people always want me to come and join the for coffee or tea but I always feel shy because I don't speak arabic and feel it will be awkward but I guess the only way to break this barrier and to learn is to join the people I love so much! Insha'allah soon I'll be taking classes so I can learn to speak better Insha'allah.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Third question, How was giving birth here?: well for those who do not know me or have been following me yes I have given birth to a little boy who we called Sulaiman very healthy alhumdullilah and he's growing so quickly masha'allah, anyways the birth story :) as many of you have been waiting...

I was honestly really terrified of delivering here because I have heard so many horror stories like for example the husband not being allowed in the delivery room with me, another is from a friend who was delivering her first baby and asked for an epidural and was given the wrong anesthetic an was given something that paralyzed her for a ceserian section learning this terrified me, so I made it my goal that I would have a drug free labor and that my husband "Will" be in the room with me!!!  my husband works in the hospital so it was kind of easy of getting what I wanted as many know here in Saudi Arabia in order to get something that can be sometimes impossible is you have to have a "wasta" to get around here meaning "influence or someone who can pull strings for you".

 My arrival at the hospital was very different  compared how it would be in America in America you go directly to the maternity ward and they just take you into delivery as your information is already gathered prior to being admitted, here they take vitals and take finger prints  like they would normally do after you deliver your baby and  ask the basic questions the pain from 1-10 me thinking lady i'm in labor the pain is 100 just get me into delivery as I'm crying in pain in the lobby and people are looking like is she going to die? lol an as I get to the doors of delivery I stopped them from wheeling me in and I said " I want my husband to come with me I wont go if he cant" they assured me he would be in there with me but had to get me prepared first.

well  I went into the hospital around 2am by time I got back to delivery room I was dilated to 5cm when they then broke my water with my constant crying the nurses kept insisting me to get an epidural for the pain, I got so mad at them that I literally threw the throw up container on the floor because they kept telling me to get it, anyways after being checked for my dilation and after my water being broken the doctor left the room and I felt the urge to push I went from 5cm to fully dilated in seconds and surprised the nurse who delivered me it was only 2 pushes and my little boy was born at 4am healthy alhumdullilah at 6lbs 3oz.delivery was no big deal the biggest issue was the thought of having to share a room with someone else, alhumdullilah that my husband working in the hospital he was able to get me a room to myself that I didn't have to share with anyone which was the best thing ever because I honestly couldn't imagine sharing a room let a lone the bathroom or shower and having to wait for who ever it is to finish from the bathroom, was it a nice room? not the best but it was comfortable so thank God for everything....
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
The last question, what things do I miss most from home?:
what are some of the things I miss? well mostly my family I miss them a lot I miss not being able to call when ever I want and visit them when I want that is the biggest thing I miss, and then there are the things that many people complain and take for granted once they don't have them well some do  but not everyone....

something I miss a lot is the snow....

like one thing I miss the snow so much a few days after I left to come to Saudi Arabia it snowed everywhere I was so disappointed I was hopping for at least to be snowed in at the airport, when I visited America in October it snowed a few days after I came back to Saudi Arabia from my visit and to be honest I'm pretty jealous of America's winter this year  lol I would have been so thrilled to have all the snow they had this year but then again I didn't have to deal with it so maybe it would be different if I had to be there for it all.
 Another thing I miss is the rain the number of times I have seen rain here are literally a countable many times probably about 4 times have I seen it rain and not much but when it rains it floods pretty bad because of the lack of the proper drainage and sewage system here the last thing I miss here is of course all of the fast food and restaurants in America but you know slowly Saudi Arabia has started getting some of my favorite restaurants such as "Ihop" I was so excited the first thing I wanted to order was something that had "Ham,bacon, and sausage" its been such a long time to have all 3 in one plate and it was pretty enjoyable even though the bacon was a bit chewy lol...

I also miss all the couponing I used to do I always loved trying to find a good deal to dropping prices or to getting stuff for free here its kind of hard to order stuff and have it sent to your house since there is no address system here yet insha'allah they do this soon it would be really nice to be able to order a pizza or Chinese and have it delivered to your door :)

how it looks after an hour of rain..

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
So those are the answers I am asked frequently and thought i'd take the time to answer them, I'm moving to another city next week called "Al-khobar" which is 4 hours away from the capital "Riyadh" and closer to another country called "Bahrain" which I kind of look forward to I hear they have cinemas there and there are a lot of Americans and westerners there so it would be nice to visit insha'allah I will also be closer to a dear from who lives in Riyadh who I haven't seen in 6 years so it will be nice to catch up on everything.
We have so much to do once we move that's one of the things I hate about moving is 1 the packing and we are flying instead of driving this time so hopefully it will be an easy transition because we will be looking for a preschool for my oldest and I'm kind of ready for that but at the same time Im going to miss him a lot as much as he drives me crazy throughout the day,but over all I am really enjoying my life here in Saudi Arabia Alhumdullilah a lot of heartaches and struggles but that's the way life is always full of ups and downs but best thing is to keep faith in Allah which is something I try very hard to do.
Alhumdullilah for everything I really love life here!

I'm in love with the beautiful architecture here ...

Read More

A new beginning

It's been a long time since  I have written a current blog I apologize to any of my friends and followers who have been patiently waiting, so much has happened that life just became life and to busy to write a single letter....

Since my last blog I wrote about my first experience of Ramadan since from then on out and even before hand has been a long struggle of heartache and drama. I found out I was pregnant a few days Ramadan had started for those who have known me know that my relationship hasn't been a very rosy start here in Saudi Arabia due a lot of lack of communication and understanding from one another, to the point it caused us to literally come to the point of separation from all the fighting I felt resistant towards my husband I couldn't stand him and couldn't wait to get away from him we fell so far apart from one another I had went back to America an plan to just stay there and never return everything fell apart so bad that I had stopped literally praying.

I did how ever return to America it was the most bitter sweet moment I can ever hold on to that I wish I could just always rewind and go back to when I feel lonely, leaving Saudi Arabia was hard because 1.I had to leave my children and that was extremely tough on me many may criticize the fact that I left to America leaving my kids behind  because of all the problems but you know what they don't know what was going on so what they think and feel doesn't phase me a bit everything became such a blur in my life that I felt I could no longer think my head was so clouded with all the mess that it just became such a toxic environment that I needed the break from my kids and my marriage so I could just finally think and just relax. Leaving the airport in Saudi Arabia was hard the last moments with my kids I remember walking to leave to get my passport stamped to exit saudi Arabia and I can hear my son Sultan saying "Mama, don't leave me here" broke my heart I could not help but fight the tears but let them flow as I got onto the airplane but all in the end the space I had was the medicine that I needed....

The 14 hour flight back home was worth every second and hour just to see my mom and wrap my hands around her and to hold and smell her to tell her how much I loved and missed her I held her so tight that I can still feel her warmth. that was just the icing on the cake the most beautiful moment is that nether of my sisters knew that I was coming home so when arriving home my baby sister who I am very much close to she came to the side of the car to get her daughter she didn't know I was in the back the expression on her face will always be implanted in my memory and heart I held her and she held me so tight crying like best friends have been torn apart for years. I stayed with my family for a good long month which was really the medicine that I really needed from all the heartache from Saudi we had so much fun together.

 My sisters an family we spent as much time together as we could a month goes by so quickly. My sister and I we enjoyed a sister day in Toledo Ohio which is where I used to live when living before it was nice to be back home and around people you knew we had a nice lunch and shopping spree at the mall I used to work at. My mom an I we got to tour one of the candy factories in my home town called "spanglers" they're known for there lolipops called "dum dum pops, and candy canes" and many other candies that I didn't know that they made, it was nice to be able to see a piece of history from where you come from from all the years I lived in my hometown you could always smell the sweet smell of the lolipops being cooked throughout the town I still have a nice supply of candy canes :) thanks mom! lol. before leaving home we all had a final dinner together at a restaurant called Buffalo wild wings I think its called that was fun not so much the part where they told everyone it was my birthday I had a bunch of people circling my table and realizing what was going on I think I ducked my head so low to the table I think it was almost under the table from embarrassment lol but it was a lot of fun I enjoyed every moment of it then my 2 sisters and I we went to go watch a movie called "bad grandpa" note: don't watch it the name speaks for its-self its bad lol!!! but the sister bonding time was really nice especially the night before I had to leave America to return to Saudi Arabia...

leaving America and my family and only keeping the memories we made while staying home was such a bitter sweet moment and at the same time enjoyable while we sat together waiting for me to depart.... arriving at the airport was a nice little ride, learning about the overweight charges of my bags I think I still left part of my stomach back home with the shock of the price, they wanted 400.00 for over weight fees  I looked at my mom in disbelief and sadness in the end I ended up taking out a bunch of stuff from my bags and left it back home to be sent back to me in Saudi Arabia so in the end it worked out I only had to pay 100.00 extra for the second back I already knew it was going to be a long flight back home I had to catch 2 other planes prior to the one I was getting on and then get on another one later the night I arrived to Saudi Arabia and then another the next night. while waiting for me to leave my sisters and I enjoyed taking multiple pictures of each other an enjoying the last moments we had together it was such a painful heartbreaking moment when It came to the time of leaving I miss them all so much I hugged everyone but hugged my baby sister last it was like dying and saying goodbye I love and miss her so much well all of my family I miss them more then they'll ever know....

Coming back to Saudi Arabia was a happy and kind of an uncertain journey of what to expect, I still didn't know if I wanted to continue my relationship in my marriage I knew I wanted to be with my kids I missed them so much but sometimes I wondered if maybe my kids would be better without me since I have so many episodes of anger,and depression an many times I don't know how to deal with it an they pay the price of not having there mommy taking care of them the way they deserve I feel bad and still do and think many times I'm just an awful mother... seeing my kids after a month was a very enjoyable moment I had missed them so much and was so excited to see there faces light up when they seen all the stuff I brought back for them from America.

Read More

First Ramadan in the Kingdom of Saudi Arabia

Salam Alykum its been a long time since I have last posted a blog and thought it would be a good idea to start back up especially with Ramdan just around the corner well actually tomorrow!  most of my Muslim life I have spent Ramadan and Eid in America so being in a Muslim country I think should be an rather interesting experience....

I'm for one very excited for Ramadan for the past few years I have been unable to fast due to my very young children who I have nursed or birthed in the previous years and had prevented me to do so so I'm happy to finally to be able to insha'allah to participate, I also just found out I'm pregnant so that will also make it interesting too I know I can do it insha'allah.

I am excited but at the same time I'm kind of not really scared but more nervous because its my first Ramadan in any Muslim country, I had went shopping for groceries yesterday and masha'allah it reminded me of black Friday or thanksgiving eve people where everywhere no shopping carts so the first shopping cart available you pounce on it I mean literally lol! and good luck getting through the isles it was like the driving from the streets had finally reached the stores it was really congested, I seen people with 3 to 4 shopping cars filled with food,cleaning supplies,sweets etc preparing for the up coming Ramadan as I look I'm thinking masha'allah I wish I could be an creative cook to know what to do with half the stuff they had, I really need some hard core cooking lessons so I know what to cook besides Kabsa O.o..

As I'm trying to work my way through the isles and many things from the shelves are empty even the spice shelves where pretty much empty I was lucky enough to find the few spices that I actually needed still need many other things but alhumdullilah got what was needed.  should I even mention the check out?there where literally lines all the way around the store waiting to check out and come to prayer time the cashiers leave to go pray and then return to continue ringing out and if your not paying attention someone is bound to steal your spot in line Alhumdullialh we got out alive and with what we needed but that wasn't the end of the journey in the store we still had to get through the very congested mall and then carefully watch out for the crazy drivers looking and fighting for a parking space as we go to our car you have people literally waiting next to you to take your cart hey they'll even help you even unload your cart lol, as we leave the roads are awful I'm not talking about the driving the lines there are lines to buy live lamb to be sacrificed.

All over the experience in the stores some would not enjoy it but I found it rather not sure if inspiring is the right word I'm looking for but it put you in the mood for Ramadan the people are smiling laughing literally the good vibes of a very beneficial month to bring us all closer to Allah, even the T.V. commercials are very tastefully done to remind you of the beneifits and to make dua'a to Allah and that Ramadan is a very important month for many Muslims .

For myself I have been struggling with many family problems I know I could change at any time and not have to wait for Ramadan but its a cleansing that is truly needed for my heart and I know for many others I really hope that everyone has a very safe and happy Ramadan I will insha'allah keep posted through out the Ramadan or at the end to talk about the experience here I am really looking forward to it may Allah accept every ones dua'a and fasting and bring us closer to Allah <3

Read More

Allah is good to me!

I was a little lost for words on how I should begin this blog, I wasn't sure if I should start with my first visit to Makkah or talk about my new adventures here in the KSA (Kingdom of Saudi Arabia)...

It has been 3 months since I have arrived in Saudi Arabia I am always asked have you experienced any culture shock yet? my response..."not really" the first culture shock I had was walking down the stairs from the airplane instead of walking through a tunnel into the airport. Anyone that knows me personally know's that its been a life long dream to come here before coming here I used to have dreams of being here I never wanted to wake up because I was always happy I always took it as a personal message from Allah saying you will come here and you will be happy. Now that I'm here I know its a reality but at the same time I'm afraid its a dream and I don't want to wake up ever I would be beyond devastated to have to leave here. I have said before that Saudi Arabia may not be the place for others to live but for me, and for my family it is where we belong until Allah decides otherwise...

I keep asking myself what I have done to keep receiving the things I have before I became Muslim and as I spent time with Muslim families and I said to myself and at the time as a Christian I asked God please I want to live this life style as a Muslim and a year later after becoming friends with Muslims and learning slowly about Islam I became Muslim 9.12.2002. after a few years I had some personal struggles with my Eman and I remember seeing "sheikh Meshary Rashid Al-afasy" on an old friends t.v. it was a nasheed channel and I remember asking Allah one day I want to pray behind this man and with in a couple years later I got to see him and pray behind him.

for those who don't know who sheikh Al-afasy is please check him out he has a magnificent voice masha'allah.. http://www.youtube.com/feed/UCmMcOjsVehVlEOteyrhjI2Q

 I became acquainted with Saudi people as I learned about there culture,traditions,lifestyle I literally became mesmerized and I one made it my personal mission to find and marry a good Saudi "Muslim" man and to live there lifestyle. and alhumdullilah on 08.08.2008 I married the man that would be my best friend the father of my beautiful children  but Allah sent him to see my wish and dreams to come into reality. Was it an easy process to adjusting to the Saudi lifestyle? No!  a lot of arguments and clashes due to language and understanding in our language but I think with in the time it has and will get better.... little did I know with in these 4 years would I finally make my trip to Saudi Arabia on 12.6.2012 we departed from America it was kind of bitter sweet for me because America is the home I have ever known but at the same time there was nothing there for me worth staying for and I needed to go to my real home "Saudi Arabia"...

my visa for entry to the Kingdom of Saudi Arabia...

With it being 3 months since I have been here it has been a long stressful process or "Journey" I should say when arriving here my husband was supposed to go to a hospital where he was supposed to get his job the paper process took such a long time, anyone that knows how things work here in Saudi Arabia knows how difficult they can make it to get things done here unless you have a "wasta" and Influence aka as someone who can pull strings to make things work faster!  yesterday 2.9.2013 I finally made it to Makkah we where supposed to do Ummrah but we where unable to do so with the fact of kids and many people it would have made it very difficult so we went to go pray Asr and Maghrib I was so excited to go anyone that knows my story before becoming Muslim knows how personal it is anyone that comes to Makkah to do Ummrah or Hajj has there own personal reason as for me it was just as personal.  as we arrived and parked the car Alhumdullilah we where able to find a space close by with in walking distance, my words of advice before coming here " GO TO THE BATHROOM BEFORE COMING'' because you will have to literally push each other out of the way to get to the bathroom that is overly crowded...  

in front of masjid Al-haram

After being partially traumatized with the bathroom experience my husband and I made our way inside masjid Al-haram as my husband is explaining something to me I see something in a far distance, it was black and had gold writing on it I felt as if I was literally a bug that was attracted to a bright light "wallah" I could not take my eyes off from it I had to come closer as I came closer it was the most beautiful sight I have ever seen before more beautiful then a waterfall and more beautiful then the most beautiful person in the world I was so  mesmerized at how beautiful the Kabba was I wanted to cry and started to cry but I couldn't cry I wanted to talk but I couldn't talk for the first time ever I had so many emotions going at once I did not know what to express other then stare in amazement at how many billions of Muslims come here each year and everyday to be closer to Allah and ask him to forgive there sins and to ask him for help and his mercy...

Kabbah and people doing ummrah.

As my husband and I searched for a place to pray asr that we missed as we drove to Makkah we also had to search for  a place to sit and wait for the Maghrib prayer as I'm siting I'm making dua'a to ask Allah to help me and my family to be closer and for me to gain more patience for all Muslims to be guided to the right path I asked that Allah please make the process for my husband to become easy so we can start living our life, as I'm making du'a I see people around me making dua'a crying asking and pleading for Allah it was truly the most touching  thing I have ever seen in my life I felt to myself if I could die I want Allah to take me here and now where I'm finally at peace I never wanted to leave this place but I had to leave to go get my kids the images of the Kabba and Makkah and all the people will always be implanted in my heart.  the next morning my husband received a phone call letting us know that his paperwork went through and he finally got his license to work I felt to myself "Subhan'allah"  with every struggle there is relief and allah answered our prayers and dua'a and I can not help but think that Allah is good to me everything that I have wished and dreamed he has given to me, but I didn't get these things easily but through trials and struggles I really do feel the meaning that Allah tests the ones he loves and I could not be more then grateful for the many blessings that he has given me and will have later on, I just hope and pray that my "Muslim" brothers and sisters will have the same happiness....

"Verily, along with every hardship is relief, (94:5) 

Verily, along with hardship is relief (i.e. there is one hardship with two reliefs, so one hardship cannot overcome two reliefs) (94:6)"

"فَإِنَّ مَعَ ٱلۡعُسۡرِ يُسۡرًا (٥) إِنَّ مَعَ ٱلۡعُسۡرِ يُسۡرً۬ا (٦) فَإِذَا فَرَغۡتَ فَٱنصَبۡ (٧)"

Read More

Family weekend event

First of all can I say what a weekend! it has been a very busy and very productive weekend and week. This week was the week of my sister in law's wedding and there where so many preparations before hand that I am literally exhausted, a week before my sister in laws wedding I had spent a week in Jeddah which is 8 or 9 hours away from the city I'm staying in "Abha"  and stayed with my older sister in law that lives there and spent several days in looking for a dress for my sister in laws wedding,  alhumdullilah I found the perfect dress for the perfect price 350 riyal which is "93.00 in American money..

 My gorgeous dress

after the long journey back to Abha from Jeddah we had so much preparations to make I had to scramble to have my dress altered, find gold shoes for my daughter to match her dress and a thobe (white saudi dress for males) made for my son to wear at the wedding and as most men they like to wait until the last minute to gather everything around, on top of the all the finishing touches I was able to have some fun memorable moments with my sister in laws and mother in law... we had a lady come to do henna for all of us I had both of my arms done and my other sister in law did as well and the bride had a full bridal henna was very beautiful masha'allah even my 20 month old daughter she had henna done it was rather funny because during the drying process the henna artist thought it to be a good idea to wrap every ones drying henna with tissue paper and plastic wrap, so all of us accept my one sister in law had henna done it was really funny because we all where sitting and had are arms like in robot mode so that we wouldn't mess anything up it was pretty hysterical to me anyways but it was a good time and the price was not bad 100 riyal for both arms which is around 26 american dollars and my daughters henna "FREE" 

My henna and my baby girl's henna

The following day was a day that I was ready to get over with which was my sister in laws wedding, the wedding hall was very beautiful with a big long catwalk like stage and a special place for the bride and groom to sit at the end of the cat walk,it was honestly a really stunning wedding nothing like the American weddings accept the wedding favors, dancing, and family gathering together and the delicious food. How ever the dancing is rather different if you have been to a  saudi wedding then you know what I'm talking about  if not its not the typical jumping around dancing like we do in America its more like belly dance shimmy shimmy shoulder shaking kind of dance but really entertaining and fun the singer that comes and sings we can "Degaga" I guess is the best way to spell it who comes and sings at the weddings and celebrations she was ok but rather loud but then again the dancing hall was kind of small or maybe it was just me lol...

where the bride and groom sat at the end of the catwalk....

I rather really enjoyed myself this is my second wedding I have been to but this wedding was the main ceremony there 2 ceremonies the first one is where the bride and groom sign a contract agreeing to the marriage and making it official after that the groom is allowed to see his bridge without her hijab abaya (Muslim women clothing) but still not allowed to be alone with each other until the final ceremony which is what I have went to it was rather bitter sweet because I am very fond of my sister in laws I love them very much and was sadden that she would not be coming home with us that night but at the same time I was rather happy for her and wish nothing but the best, but in the end I have the happy memories we all spent together prior to her beautiful wedding, her grand entrance into the wedding hall was absolutely beautiful as she entered sparklers where lit up and as her groom came into the room confetti was thrown around him  and then he sat with his bride along with the bride and groom's family.... 

one of the centerpieces 

The one thing that makes the weddings different here in Saudi Arabia is that there is no mixing between the guys and girls so for me it was kind of hard because not everyone speaks english except a few people who I am happily became friends with I hope that I can learn arabic from these family members and I can teach them English which I think will be what will happen before I become fluent in Arabic lol but I'm rather enjoying myself here and feel very welcomed with all the family and I love them very much and I feel very blessed Alhumdullilah to be apart of the family! <3

Read More