The Ugly Reality:
All through my life I’ve seen the ugly reality of dividing
of the people, In America within Mexicans and across the Arab world.
Even within my family there has always been a divide ether
you agree with the same political or religious views or you are an outcast for
having your differences; I have always been the diverse one in my family ether
by questioning my faith in why I have to pray to “Jesus” who Christians believe
to have died for their sins or to believe he is the son of God I have asked
before why should I ask someone to forgive my sins when he didn’t create me and
why should he pay for a sin that I had committed In response I was told “to not
to question but just accept it for what it is” also in the bible it is
mentioned that prophet Abraham (Ibrahim) had committed adultery with Hajar and Prophet
King David killed a man to be-wed the wife of Uriah the question was asked why
would God (Allah) send these people to speak the word of God (Allah) and then
would commit the biggest sins that Allah had forbidden these things questions
were never answered in a clear response other than I was what God had said and
I was to accept it for myself I could not accept something that was not clear
and something that logically didn’t make any sense!!!
In my family from my mother’s side are conservative
republicans me on the other hand the free thinker I don’t consider myself a
republican or Democrat nor a Libertarian, If I agree with a republican view I’m
considered a conservative, If I agree with a Democratic view I’m considered pro-choice
or against the 2nd amendment (the Right to bear arms *meaning:
Against firearms) this is not the case! I feel there is a time and place for
each view for instance if my 10 year old daughter was to be raped and became
pregnant the republicans would think that it would be against God’s law to
terminate the pregnancy because the unborn child has rights as a pro-choice
view I don’t like the thought of ending a life but to allow a 10 year old child
to be forced to carry a child after going through a brutal mater of rape is
unsettling and I could never put my child through that and would demand an
abortion! In my families views this is unheard of or there is something wrong
with me for having a different opinion that should be a logical response in
certain case! As for the 2nd amendment the right to bear arms yes I
am supporting for responsible gun owners to have guns but I’m also against the
idea of people being allowed to have firearms that are meant for a war zone I
understand the idea of having a weapon to be able to protect and to defend
themselves but why does one need a weapon that shoots multiple rounds per
second? I do not feel the 2nd amendment should be removed but I do
believe some changes to make people’s lives safer is a definite must but in my
families mind it Is taking one of their rights away many of my family would
fight me on this view without understanding or thinking about the effects that
the current situation of gun control problem that America is facing.
When it comes to race I will be the first to admit yes I do
face a discrimination or racial issue this is a self-matter and of my
upbringing. My father is a Mexican my mother an American right now in my
country in America there is a divide with whites against, Latinos, African Americans,
and Asians, and Arabs gays lesbians etc.; Some Whites think that the Mexicans
that are coming to America are illegal and the ones that come to America are
ether criminals, drug dealers, rapists Then there’s the black community where
many think that they’re criminals, going to rob you or in gangs, where the
Arabs are considered the terrorist community looking to take over America or to
commit Jihad on those who don’t accept Islam, You have the Gay and Lesbian
community where some believe that equal rights for a man to marry a man a woman
to marry a woman and to be able to use the same bathroom if their a transgender…
When I started to learn about Islam I was immediately profiled
by my school as a potential terrorist to the point during the 1st anniversary
of September 11th I was put in a In-school suspension because they
thought me talking to Muslims that I was a potential threat I had many of my
classmates who would fight with me calling me a traitor to the country because
of my sudden interest in Islam and my communicating with Muslims from all
different countries, My first influences to Islam were actually Iranians! I had
spent a lot of time with Iranians trying to learn about their culture. When I
was learning about Islam I had met Muslims of different countries that invited
me into their homes just so I could learn about Islam the first family that I
had welcomed me into their home were Palestinian, I would spend weekends with
them sometimes during the holidays I had Lebanese, Egyptian, Iranians, who were
all very welcoming to me into their homes each family I had stayed with I
adapted into my life living with them I had realized the path I wanted I wanted
the path of Islam.
When I had finally took my shahada (oath to become Muslim
also the 1st pillar of Islam) these families were the first impression
of Islam that I had ever had and was the impression that made me want to become
Muslim, After my reversion to Islam I soon realized in who my true friends were
also my family.
Even though my mother and sisters and a few of my aunts and
cousins talk to me from my mother’s side the rest of my mother’s side of the
family have considered me as a stranger of the family the friends I used to
have considered me as a traitor and no longer talked to me.
Later on I would meet my first Saudi friends this was back
in 2002 that I had started talking to Saudi’s at this time I still didn’t
really like them because of the things that I heard about them on the Media
claiming that they’re were responsible for 9/11 and for a lot of the Muslim
crimes I remember meeting them the first time with a female friend of mine we
had went to their apartment because they were having a gathering the Saudi
males came out in thobe and gootra (Saudi traditional dress) and I was
terrified I thought oh my God they’re going to kill me (I know its funny now
but in reality sad) the time I had spent with them they were welcoming
answering all the questions that I’ve ever wanted to ask to clear
misconceptions about Islam to how Saudis have been betrayed in the media to how
the life in Saudi really was; it was at that point I had realized in how
manipulative the media really was also realizing that I wanted a life in Saudi
Arabia with Saudi people I fell in love with their culture with their
hospitality (keep in mind majority of Arabs are pretty hospitable) but I wanted
a life with Saudis in Saudi Arabia my deep love and respect grew from there and
my learning about Saudi Arabia to Saudis began.
When I had returned back home to live back home I had met an
Iraqi family who until now I will always consider close to my heart because
while my family have shut me out because of my new out-coming of being Muslim they
filled the empty family feeling gap with them I entered my first masjid I would
later on meet other Muslim ladies from Lebanon, Syria, Kuwait, Turkey and
another Iraqi lady who until now is my best friend who I hold dearly to my
heart.
That year I started to attend a university in the University
of Toledo in Ohio to begin my studies as a criminal justice major during my
time in the university I had the opportunity to attend Islamic conference’s
where you could attend Islamic lectures meet other Muslims share your views it
was the best time of my life to be honest I enjoyed it greatly and helped me to
gain the knowledge until this day I have about Islam I would also learn about
the conflict with Israel and Palestine and the other conflicts between other
Arabic nations I would hear stories from Egyptians against Saudis, Sudani
against Egyptian, Saudis against Egyptians and the list of dislike of stories of
each other never ended but the biggest hate was towards Saudi and the gulf
countries (Saudi Arabia, U.A.E., Kuwait, Qatar, Bahrain, Oman) in how much
money they have but never help other Muslims in need.
When I started to become interested in marriage I
specifically wanted to marry from a Saudi when many of my friends knew my love
for Saudi Arabia and Saudi people many had told me that Saudis were bad they
weren’t good, I would hear this from my Turkish, Syrian, Kuwaiti, Egyptian,
friends they would always talk about Saudi Arabia in a bad way in how bad their
rules were and how bad they treat women to how bad their leaders were and
mostly their men were bad!!! The one Kuwaiti woman had told me marry from
Egypt, Palestine, Yemen, Iraqi or Kuwaiti any nationality but Saudi the only
friend who understood my views and accepted me was my best friend my Iraqi
friend ether it was became we had the same views or we wanted the same things
but she was the only one who stood by my side when I had married my Saudi
husband those girls who claimed to be my friends stopped talking to me and
never talked to me again.
While being married to my husband I never expected to be the
Saudi life as it was I knew in the beginning that it maybe conflicting but
never thought about how divided Saudi Arabia was, when I came to Saudi Arabia I
didn’t know much about the family names or the regions (South, East, North, and
West etc.) When people would ask in what region my husband was from when they
heard his last name the response was always the same (OH my God how did you end
up with a Jazani *from South region*) or they’d say “May Allah be with you” where
some would say that many are good.
Something my ex-husband had told me that every tribe from each region
will think and believe that their family and region is the best apart from
everyone else and will always help each other while shutting out other tribes
from other regions and this is a big thing that many of us non Saudi wives
married to Saudis have seen and faced. I have alhumdullilah (thanks to God)
have met my fair share of good Saudi people from each region of the country maybe
it’s because I’m American is the reason I see things the way I do…
I have been divorced for three years now apart from my
ex-husband and or differences I have accepted my fate but now I want to get
married again in the beginning I had only wanted to marry a Saudi why? Because this
was the life I was used to since 2002 until now of 2019 that’s 17 years that I
had dedicated my life to learn about the life, mentality, the Saudi way of life
that I could never pull myself away from it and never will I do so I love Saudi
Arabia and that will be something that will never will be changed no matter how
hard anyone tries.
For the past couple years I’ve gained a new interest as many
who’ve been following me for quite some time know I’ve been solely interested
in Saudis but now the new interest has involved Yemen, Why many ask? As I’ve
told people firstly Yemenis are the first Arab, secondly they play a huge
history role in Saudi Arabia would I be this interested in Yemenis if they didn’t
have a history in Saudi Arabia? (sadly no) with this new interest I have faced
a lot of backlash from Saudis, where right now it is understandable for the
fact there is conflict with the two countries but at the same time it is
downright sad for both sides in how each side see’s each other. You have Saudis who’re against Yemenis being
in the country and think they should go back to their own country to fight
against the Houthi and to build their country and you have the Saudis who’re
kind pure white hearted and would like to see the Yemenis who have been here
for years upon years to be able to live in harmony with each other I do
understand that both have lived with each other and may have a better understanding
in how things are the way there are but I’m speaking from a different
perspective..
In my current life news I have become interested in marrying
a Yemeni man for some of my friends many would prefer for me to marry a Saudi
for the fact that was what I always wanted and never wanted anything but Saudis
but even some of the Saudis I know will tell me to not to marry from the South
region, than you have the south region telling me to not to marry from Riyadh
and others telling me to marry Saudis from the hijaz area (Jeddah, Makkah,
Medina area) then there’s the ones God forbid that I dare to marry a Yemeni
(because of the conflict of what’s going on) but some are supportive to the
idea as long as I’m happy and the person is good is what matters.
These days the bachelor that I want to marry has been
spending at least 4 months of our knowing each other in ways for us to get
married each time he had asked I told him look I can’t marry you because my
status in the country would be at jeopardy he has spent tirelessly looking for
a way for us to be together without it affecting my status in the country he
has told me if there is no way for us to be together without it affecting me
than we will not get married, Many people have consulted us to get married in
Bahrain than theirs ones that have raised the concern that maybe it would be
considered illegal in Saudi Arabia and would face some issues within the
country as well as with the company I’m working with. People have questioned my
awareness of the reality of my choices of marrying a Yemeni some have degraded
the idea considering the fact marrying a Yemeni is a downgrade or low class
questioned if this person is marrying me for his own benefit (American citizenship).
I Have sat down with this person who wants to marry me I’ve discussed that I
would not help him get citizenship if that was what he wanted and I had made it
crystal clear that I refuse to live nowhere else but Saudi Arabia he has the same views he wants to live in
Saudi Arabia and doesn’t have any interest in living in America but why is this
so hard for others to believe that a Yemeni doesn’t have any interest in living
in America or gaining the nationality let alone sincerely wanting to live in
Saudi or to marry me with pure intentions!!!
I have went to court office in Saudi Arabia looking for answers
to confirm that my status in Saudi Arabia wouldn’t be affected if I married a Yemeni
the court judge said my status wouldn’t be affected, the man who had translated
requested for my number so that he could help us get more clear answers I
agreed and gave him my number out of acceptance from my insha’allah (god
willing) future husband.
He had later on called me to discuss the matters to ask some questions about if his family accepting the marriage, where I work, where he works and then he asked about why I had asked about the change of rules of marrying a Saudi if any new rule changes have occurred he assumed that I was interested in marrying a Saudi instead but I explained to him no, I’m on social media and I discuss a lot of issues about Saudi Arabia trying to change the negative views and a lot of people on my social media plat form look to me to any new law changes and explained this was my only interest in wanting to know; He continued after my explanation why I wanted to marry a Yemeni he said you’re American Saudi Arabia and America have a good relationship where Yemen does not why don’t you look to marry from a Saudi?
He had later on called me to discuss the matters to ask some questions about if his family accepting the marriage, where I work, where he works and then he asked about why I had asked about the change of rules of marrying a Saudi if any new rule changes have occurred he assumed that I was interested in marrying a Saudi instead but I explained to him no, I’m on social media and I discuss a lot of issues about Saudi Arabia trying to change the negative views and a lot of people on my social media plat form look to me to any new law changes and explained this was my only interest in wanting to know; He continued after my explanation why I wanted to marry a Yemeni he said you’re American Saudi Arabia and America have a good relationship where Yemen does not why don’t you look to marry from a Saudi?
Actually I was not surprised from the response. When he
continued to degrade the person I was interested in trying to persuade my
choice in marrying a Yemeni because he thinks that my choice would look bad on
me or would affect my future in Saudi Arabia to be honest I really don’t know if it would
affect my future maybe it would maybe it wouldn’t.
So far I have been
given mixed responses some say my status won’t change, some say my status will
change some saying that my work might be affected and when this person who
called me in telling me and my potential spouse that he’d help me and then
trying to derail me to something else this really shook me to the core on who I
can really trust for sincere help or to know who’s truly happy for me and to
help me in doing things in the right way so that me and my future husband can
live comfortably and without worry!!! True sincere friends or for those who
want to help will never try to change your mind they may give you a few
insights in how some people are but they would never try to hurt you in trying
to change your mind I had told this person this man who loves me has spent
months finding ways going to court after court, passport office to other
offices to assure nothing will happen to my status to me that is a sincere man
a real man who wants the best for me and for him a man who isn’t sincere in
marriage wouldn’t even look for a way they’d look for easy excuses and then
mostly leave this man has been by my side through my good sides my bad sides
when I was in the hospital he refused to leave my side and took care of me for
the first time in a long time I felt loved and valued and felt like I actually
mattered.
My conclusion of this big divide that I have faced literally
my entire life and I’m sure that everyone has faced similar situations some point
in their life but where does this divide come from? It comes from the media, it
comes from our upbringing in how our families raise us to the point if we think
differently in society today you have to pick left or right if you go in the
middle you’re on your own we have reached a point in this life where some are
afraid to think in a different way out of worry to offend other people or to
create tension within their family or communities. Thankfully they are some who
are willing to learn about other people and listen to their differences to
listen to the other persons concerns to try to see a way to make a better life
for everyone to live in peace but there is also the ugly reality of those who
just don’t want to change their views because they’ve been raised to think in a
certain way all of their life.
One of the most important things I have ever learned in my
life is to push the boundaries when someone says no ask why? Ask why until you
understand and to take risks when there’s a warning find out why that warning
is there (don’t do something that will cost you your life) but learn the reason
behind every No, Yes, Why, don’t do that, warning I’ve always been the one if
someone says this person is the enemy I want to know why he is the enemy I will
talk to that enemy to see their opinion to have a clear vision from both sides and
then be able to decide which I feel is right.
The only way you can know about something is asking if it
doesn’t make sense than it’s not the truth because the truth makes sense and
doing the right thing should make you feel good or better if it doesn’t make
you feel better than it’s not the right thing I have learned more in my life by taking the
path that many people told me that I couldn’t do it has thrown obstacles but it
made me grow it made me learn about the life I chose it gave me a clear insight
of the things around me that’s going on in the end I’ve been given the ability
to choose what is right for me.
What’s right for me may not be what’s right for someone else but as they say choose the path that scares you the most because it is the path that will help you grow even if it means thinking against how society expects you to think it is better to think against the minority than being the same as everyone else but as long as we keep dividing each other and not listening to each other the divide will always be there in order for a positive change we have to listen to each other and want the best for each other even if it means letting someone live in our country for a better life most importantly supporting one another for the good things that this life has to offer in the end we’re accountable for what we do and God (Allah) will hold each and every one of us responsible for who we’ve harmed with our words, our actions, and behavior and how that person was affected but Allah will also reward those who’re kind, caring, and helping to those who are in sincere without expecting benefit from the other person that they’re helping the only benefit one should be looking forward to is from Allah “ Do to others as you would have them do to you”(Luke 6:31) “ No one of you becomes a true believer until he likes for his brother what he likes for himself”( Hadith: Al- Bukhairi and Muslim).
What’s right for me may not be what’s right for someone else but as they say choose the path that scares you the most because it is the path that will help you grow even if it means thinking against how society expects you to think it is better to think against the minority than being the same as everyone else but as long as we keep dividing each other and not listening to each other the divide will always be there in order for a positive change we have to listen to each other and want the best for each other even if it means letting someone live in our country for a better life most importantly supporting one another for the good things that this life has to offer in the end we’re accountable for what we do and God (Allah) will hold each and every one of us responsible for who we’ve harmed with our words, our actions, and behavior and how that person was affected but Allah will also reward those who’re kind, caring, and helping to those who are in sincere without expecting benefit from the other person that they’re helping the only benefit one should be looking forward to is from Allah “ Do to others as you would have them do to you”(Luke 6:31) “ No one of you becomes a true believer until he likes for his brother what he likes for himself”( Hadith: Al- Bukhairi and Muslim).
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