How I met him
The
question that is always asked, how did you meet your husband? I normally tell
them I met him in school which is the truth but my journey in meeting him is
another story a long story so if you’re interested in reading about my past
relationships and drama then please read on…
First
marriage:
Is my
husband now my first husband? No. He is my 3rd husband! My first husband was an Egyptian who was a
very good man and a religious man masha’allah who was the one who helped me
grow as a Muslim in teaching me how to pray how to recite qur’an. Prior meeting
my first husband I had dated a Saudi man “yes he was the start of my Saudi obsession”
but he was a good man also but we were just not fit to be together but we were
not fit for each other so in the end we ended up ending our relationship so I
thought the easiest way of getting over the Saudi boyfriend was to get married
and at that time I met the Egyptian man and accepted his proposal thinking that
it would make me forget my ex it didn’t I learned a valuable lesson in why
dating is haram!
As time went by in my new marriage with the
Egyptian I still loved the Saudi guy and I felt it was unfair to my husband to
be married to him and still in love with someone else and I really didn’t know
what to do I was young and I remember going to the Imam of the masjid asking
for his advice I remember him telling me “if you divorce your husband for this
man Allah will not make that relationship easy” I ignored his advice and
followed and we ended up divorcing to be honest it was a mistake on my end
because he was a good man the Egyptian man but me I was young and stupid.
Engagement
to Saudi guy:
I ended up
getting engaged to the Saudi guy. You think I would be so happy? I was ecstatic
but the Saudi guy we ended up fighting about everything and he had said he had
done things that made my feelings for him not as strong as it used to but still
loved him but I didn’t know what to do at this point, I remember talking to an
old friend he advised me since Ramadan was coming up he told me for the entire
Ramadan don’t talk to him and ask Allah if it’s meant to be than let it be with
no problem if it’s not than let me forget him, and throughout the Ramadan my
feelings no longer were strong enough to build our relationship so as soon as
Ramadan ended he had called me and said what do you want to do? I told him I
love you and always will but I don’t think it will work out and I wish you all
the best in your life.
Second
marriage:
Finally I
felt ready to find a suitable husband to marry I wanted to marry a Saudi
specifically so I joined a Muslim single site to hopefully find the right man
for me, I had many offers as a second wife which I almost accepted one who
lived in Saudi but felt it wasn’t the right step for me just yet then a man he
had messaged me he said. I’m from Saudi Arabia and I am interested in meeting
you, I accepted his request in meeting him I lived maybe 30 minutes away from
him he had come to my work I met him we talked with each other than later on he
had met my family my mom and sisters and he ended up coming to family events
with me he was nice he may not had been that attractive to others but his
kindness at that time was what I was looking for and he was good to my family
so he had asked me to marry him I accepted I loved him and we got married in
Cleveland Ohio.
As time went by I
started working and he had started applying for green card at this time I never
thought anything of it and was happy to help him get it never questioned his
intentions because I thought he was being honest with me in the end he sat me
down and said “sahar I need to talk to you about something” I said okay what is
it? He told me please I need you to promise me to not to be angry at me I said
okay than what is it he told me that I was born and raised in Saudi Arabia but
I’m not Saudi but my family is from Eritrea, he assured me that it wouldn’t be
any problem for us to come to Saudi Arabia I was upset because he lied to me
later on I thought okay it’s not a problem if we could still go to Saudi.
I had
than started going to school to study in the criminal justice *law
enforcement* he supported me and at this
moment I met a Saudi man he was nice we sat and talked all the time in the
computer lab he was studying the same thing as my husband was so I felt I
comfortable with him and he was also a good listener. As time progressed
between me and my husband at the time I felt alone he didn’t want to spend time
with me and was always out of the home after he had gotten his green card he
had stopped doing anything for me from driving me to school to even answering
my phone calls and I didn’t know what to do and one night he was talking to me
and he had told me he said back home in
Saudi Arabia I had a lot of gay friends and one man he knows he’s married and
he could never go to bed with his wife until he slept with a man I thought okay
whatever until one day he came to one of my work places and I worked with a gay
man and he met my husband when my husband left my friend he asked me “is your
husband gay’’ I said no why? He said because we kind of know each other but I’ll
find out for you and sure enough my gay friend confirmed that my husband was
indeed gay so In the end I married a man who lied about from where he was from
and also I married a gay man I never questioned it and was married to him for 2
years he had painted such a good image to get his green card so he can work
freely in the US.
After
learning all of the things of the man I was married to I tried everything I
could to make things work in the end he wasn’t interested in me to begin with
he had asked me to sign a document to confirm he didn’t marry me for
citizenship I ripped up the paper and said no! since I knew that my marriage wasn’t
going anywhere I decided to ask for a divorce at this time I started talking to
my Saudi friend for advice he said if you’re not happy than you’re not forced
to stay and it takes hands to clap you can’t clap with just one hand so in the
end I ended up divorcing my gay husband and I made the mistake in jumping into
another relationship I was lonely for so long and just got out of a marriage
that was based on betrayal that was the wrong thing to do…
A new beginning
3rd marriage:
Getting
out of a 2 year marriage that was based on betrayal was one of the hardest
things to deal with someone I loved used me my family loved him I loved him in
the end he didn’t! only to get what he wanted as time went by I quickly decided
to get married again which was with the
Saudi man that I talked to all the time in the computer lab he was a good listener
and he paid attention to me I fell for it… I accepted his proposal without giving
myself time to heal from the 2 years of hell so when we did get married it was
not so smooth we fought I was angry a lot of it had to deal with the fact that
I was lied to and used and hurt so much that I was taking it out on my husband
but he didn’t know how to deal with it “due to cultural” and common sense on
his part of understanding! It wasn’t a happy marriage at all to begin with
before marrying him I had many people telling me to not to marry him I prayed
Istakara before marrying him and the signs I now recognize I wish I had seen
them beforehand because so many people
told me not to marry him he asked me to stop things that I loved doing from
going to Islamic conferences he would say “I don’t want my wife going to
another city for 3 days mixing with guys” I told him I’m going to learn about
Islam not sit with guys and were separated guys on one side women on the other
he had also made me quit my jobs and would not help me to drive me to school
which caused me to stop going to finish my criminal justice degree all these
things now I wish I had seen!
I know I
probably didn’t make it easy as we were married but I just wish my husband now
would understand the hurt and betrayal that I had been through to make me feel
the way I did I thought it was my fault to think how I was being maybe it was
maybe it wasn’t but what I was looking for was compassion but in the end I
couldn’t find it. I had quickly gotten pregnant after we gotten married for
most women it’s the happiest moment in their life for me not so much instead I
was blamed for not stopping it and threatened that he would leave me and forget
me and my baby he put so much stress on me that I ended up miscarrying the baby
you would think that he would had shown a little sympathy but no he said it’s
much better this way I was crushed and needed his love instead I got his wrath
of anger…
As time
went by I had gotten pregnant again same thing blamed for not stopping it I ended
up staying with my mom because I couldn’t handle how he was dealing with me I
mean what’s the point of marriage if you’re not going to accept the things that
come with marriage that includes “having babies” and I shouldn’t had been the
one that had to prevent it, Anyways… I ended up having my first son It was a
happy moment for me and my husband he started to change a little but not a huge
change I felt okay maybe it’s because he’s a student and he’s just under a lot
of pressure so I kept letting his behavior towards me slide and I’m not going
to lie I have my moments like any other woman but a woman needs someone who is
going to be soft with her not hard with her like a man this is not how you deal
with your wife and same time he didn’t really pay much attention to me he paid
a lot of attention to his electronics but has not put much effort in
understanding his wife.
My son
had gotten older and at that time my husband started working with a hospital
and I honestly wanted another baby he didn’t but I did and sure enough I ended
up pregnant with my second child same thing blamed for not stopping it. there
has always been a huge lack of support in all of my pregnancies which puts a
lot on a woman who really needs all the support and encouragement she can get to
help her feel good about herself and I never got that I was grateful for the
friends around me at that time to help me to be honest they helped a lot by
visiting me and bringing me food after my recovering delivering my baby but my husband’s
towards me has always been harsh I remember the first time I had gotten
pregnant he said to me “If you have my baby I will make life hard and will be
harsh with you” and he has been the entire time we’ve been married I thought he
would eventually change and same time I loved him he was the father of my children
and he helps provides for the home but for me I was missing something very
important to any woman… “compassion, encouragement, support, Respect, sensitive,
Attention, and love” I’ve never been the type of wife that always demanded
money even though islamicly it is my right I’ve never been this type I’m always
the type that I want the things money can’t buy but are the simplest things to
give…
When we
moved to Saudi Arabia it was the happiest moment in my life honestly I’ve been
trying to come here for so long and finally it was coming to reality and
thought maybe being back home my husband would change and be better, WRONG!!!! It
got much worse there where some minor issues with his work that needed fixed
and I thought once they were all ironed out that he would treat me better his
brother even begged me to be patient with him and I said okay your right I will
be more patient with him but after things were fixed my husband’s harsh
attitude and treatment towards me still remained the same.
It was my first year
in a new country and he expected me to know and how to understand everything when
he never took the time to explain anything to me I was honestly really hoping
for a happy life with him when I came to Saudi Arabia I had all the plans in my
mind to build a happy life and happy family with him but how can I build a
happy life with someone who has such a negative mind and an envious
personality??? Do I love him? No do I hate him?
I hate how he is with me and how he can’t admit to his mistakes even
more when he blames me for all the mistakes in our relationship and he takes no
credit…
I’m not a perfect wife I will never claim to be one but I also will
never deny my mistakes and I will always try to fix them things though have
gotten so bad I don’t know where it will end up, will it end up in divorce? More
than likely… did I try everything? I think I did many tell me to stay for my
kids but to be honest abuse isn’t just physical it’s also verbal and mentally and
I will never get the things I need as a wife from my husband now so sadly it
will more than likely end up in divorce is it what I wanted? Not at all but
what I’m dealing with I never wish it on anyone because trying to destroy someone
to get them to do what you want is not the way to live your life, will I get
married again? I don’t know from my point now? No! and I don’t want to get
married again I just want to live In Saudi Arabia and work to be with my kids
only my kids are the most important thing in my life and their all that matter
and Insha’allah I’ll have a happy ending in a happy loving relationship because
every man and woman deserves to be happy and to be with someone who understand
them and supports them in the end my husband and I we are far from each other our differences causes us to fight and I'm expected to understand his view point but he isn't open to understand mine.
I know
some who may read this and think I thought she’s happy and Saudis are not
acting like this! Firstly not everyone is the same the fingers on your hand are
not the same and nether are all the Saudis just because I got a bad apple doesn’t
mean that I can’t find a Golden apple that will change my life and will make my
life that I deserve no matter what happens in my relationship now my views of Saudis
will never change because I know in my heart there are a lot of good men in
Saudi Arabia and insha’allah I’ll find the right one and if I don’t
Alhumdullilah for everything.
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