Saudi Arabia the country of peace

When most people hear the name Saudi Arabia they would probably automatically connect it to terrorism and as some of you read the title of this blog you're probably thinking Saudi Arabia and peaceful country shouldn't even be in the same sentence, do you ever sit and ask yourself why? is it because what the media has told you or maybe you have a friend who already has ill feelings perhaps they were raised to hate something that they don't know much about, I know I'm guilty of that and I know many others are also, I too once thought Saudi Arabia was bad and the people scared me I didn't like them even though I never met a Saudi person  but why was I hating them? * I have written about my fear of Saudi Arabia in another blog if you care to read it please check it out (http://loveforksa.blogspot.com/2012/10/why-saudi-arabia.html)... 

So now back to the main topic *Saudi Arabia the country of peace! what does Saudi Arabia think about terrorism and how exactly do they and why don't they do anything to speak out against it?? and is it safe for westerners to travel here let alone work here!?

I know many people are thinking how ironic for a blog like this to come out especially with the current attacks in London and now the and now the news making it a huge deal because the apparent terrorist visited Saudi Arabia a few times, please know just because you visit a country it doesn't turn you into a terrorist and to be honest that is what pushed me to write this blog to try to teach and educate the people who have been fed the lies of the media listen to those who've lived here everyone has a different experience and majority have a positive experience living here!!!

First off Saudi Arabia does not support terrorism let alone allow it to happen here! if someone is caught being suspected of terrorism this is a serious crime and is not taken lightly if you're involved with any terrorist groups or linked to any attacks you're punished by execution which means the person is beheaded! lethal? yes but effective! this link talks about the execution of 47 terrorist convicts (http://www.arabnews.com/featured/news/859176 ). Saudi Arabia is a Muslim country Muslims from all over the globe come to Saudi Arabia to visit Makkah and Medina to pray, to ask for forgiveness to ask for better health an for a better and safe world to live in etc. because this is what Islam teaches anyone who commits an attack by killing an innocent person or themselves doesn't represent Islam, Islam is perfect people are not! 

So what does Islam say about killing innocent people? 

"The Holy Qur’an says, “Whosoever killeth a human being for other than manslaughter or corruption in the earth, it shall be as though he had killed all of mankind, and whoso saveth the life of one, it shall be as if he had saved the life of all mankind.” (Al-Mai’dah 5:32).

“The Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) has strongly prohibited killing of innocent people. One of the Hadiths says, “Whoever killed “Muaahadan” (a term used in Islamic state to refer to non-Muslim citizens), will not smell Paradise. And its scent can be smelled from a distance of 40 years (a term in Arabic means “far distance”).” (Narrated by Al-Nasaie)

There are many other Hadiths that urge Muslims not to kill others.

Before engaging in a battle, the Prophet Muhammad  used to instruct his soldiers:
• “Do not kill any child, any woman, or any elderly or sick person, or Unarmed  or the one who surrenders .” (Sunan Abu Dawud)
• “Do not practice treachery or mutilation. Do not uproot or burn palms or cut down fruitful trees. Do not slaughter a sheep or a cow or a camel, except for food.” (Al-Muwatta)
• “If one fights his brother, (he must) avoid striking the face, for God created him in the image of Adam.” (Sahih Bukhari, Sahih Muslim)
• “Do not kill the monks in monasteries, and do not kill those sitting in places of worship.” (Musnad Ahmad Ibn Hanbal)
• “Do not destroy the villages and towns, do not spoil the cultivated fields and gardens, and do not slaughter the cattle.” (Sahih Bukhari; Sunan Abu Dawud)
• “Do not wish for an encounter with the enemy. Pray to God to grant you security, but when you (are forced to) encounter them, exercise patience.” (Sahih Muslim)
• “No one may punish with fire except the Lord of Fire.” (Sunan Abu Dawud)
• “Accustom yourselves to do good if people do good, and do not do wrong even if they commit evil.” (Al-Tirmidhi)” http://www.arabnews.com/node/375112

So why hasn't Saudi Arabia spoken out against the current attacks? We have we speak out against it and we're working hard to try to fight it!  here are some links to prove that yes we indeed speak out against these attacks and will never support such hideous crimes.. http://saudigazette.com.sa/world/saudi-arabia-condemn-terrorist-attacks-in-paris/ , http://www.arabnews.com/node/960431/world, 

http://www.arabnews.com/node/946651/saudi-arabia, http://www.middleeasteye.net/news/arab-and-muslim-leaders-condemn-vile-terrorist-attack-nice-860788171

Saudi Arabia is also fighting terrorism inside the country this is a recent video of a shoot out between police and 2 terrorists...

I think we can agree on one thing, terrorism is like cancer it has no religion and it doesn't care in who you are and what your race or religion you are it's only mission is to destroy you and the only way to defeat cancer or terrorism is to stand together and fight together and put discrimination aside because as long as we keep pointing fingers in who created what then terrorists win, if you ever meet a Saudi student he or she will tell you that we don't accept this behavior because its "HARAM" (forbidden) and not Islam! 

Why does Saudi Arabia send their people to America? well majority of the saudis you'll ever meet in America or any other country outside Saudi Arabia are students or for business with companies and are some of the most kindest generous people you'll ever meet and are very interested in learning about your culture and life style so do please be hospitable and kind cause the students that come there not only come for education but to better their future when they return to Saudi Arabia and none of them want any trouble their normal people like anyone else so do please be kind....

Okay, how safe is Saudi Arabia for westerners to travel to let alone work?? first of all Americans, people from London or Europe are some of the most respected people in Saudi Arabia majority live in some of the best compounds that is only for them no Saudis are allowed to enter because in those compound areas the people that live there are free to do what they want, from ladies driving inside the compound yes you heard right women can drive in the compounds and also in some small cities in Saudi Arabia anyways, women don't have to wear abaya or hijab in these areas if you went into these compounds you would think you're in one of the beaches of California its that luxurious!

One of the homes in one of the compounds, photo taken by Jessica Fay.

Aramco beach photo taken by Jessica Fay.

A lot of companies that hire Americans get paid tickets to go back home at least once a year or more, they get paid medical, schooling for their kids Saudi Arabia is also tax free so you don't pay taxes but don't forget you still have to pay taxes from what ever country you're coming from... American's and Europeans that come here to work  they're some of the highest paid people in the country an the most respected they get double the salary that a Saudi citizen would get even if they had the same qualifications!

on of the beaches inside the compound. *photo taken by Jessica Fay*

So what is there to do for foreigners  that choose to come to work here? well if you like shopping we have a ridiculous amount of shopping centers here for almost anything you can think of. If you're a foodie we have some of the best restaurants here American restaurants too!!! So how do women get around if women can't drive? well that's easy!! if you're sponsored by a company to work here and if you're a woman you'd be provided with a driver who will drive you to where ever you need to go and also we have car services like *Uber, and Careem* to get you to where you need to go and the old taxi services.

So how safe is Saudi Arabia to live in?? Saudi Arabia is one of the safest countries I know you may laugh, but do you know what the number one cause of death is in Saudi Arabia??? I know you probably thought by suicide bombers right? Wrong! and no its not by murder or violence. The number one cause of death in Saudi Arabia is  Coronary Heart Disease, number two being Stroke!  surprised??? 

TOP 50 CAUSES OF DEATH Rate World Rank 1. Coronary Heart Disease 165.67 27 2. Stroke 126.77 47 3. Influenza and Pneumonia 44.89 70 4. Diabetes Mellitus 35.61 65 5. Kidney Disease 32.09 6 6. Road Traffic Accidents 25.33 33 7. Hypertension 22.36 35 8. Lung Disease 14.11 125 9. Inflammatory/Heart 11.00 45 10. Breast Cancer 9.61 148 11. Tuberculosis 8.54 77 12. Liver Disease 7.69 130 13. Colon-Rectum Cancers 7.21 87 14. Skin Disease 7.01 20 15. Lymphomas 6.34 45 16. Prostate Cancer 6.04 148 17. Liver Cancer 5.17 91 18. Endocrine Disorders 5.10 97 19. Lung Cancers 5.09 127 20. Congenital Anomalies 4.99 125 21. Asthma 4.86 83 22. Low Birth Weight 4.44 117 23. Fires 4.31 61 24. Falls 3.16 124 25. Leukemia 3.06 112

TOP 50 CAUSES OF DEATH Rate World Rank 26. Stomach Cancer 3.06 138 27. Diarrhoeal diseases 3.02 97 28. Ovary Cancer 2.68 147 29. Pancreas Cancer 2.60 101 30. Other Injuries 2.56 167 31. Drownings 2.46 106 32. Other Neoplasms 2.41 99 33. Malnutrition 2.33 87 34. Peptic Ulcer Disease 2.17 99 35. Meningitis 1.98 89 36. Birth Trauma 1.69 116 37. Oral Cancer 1.68 138 38. Bladder Cancer 1.64 103 39. Oesophagus Cancer 1.57 119 40. Uterin Cancer 1.49 109 41. Epilepsy 1.31 117 42. Alzheimers/Dementia 1.21 144 43. Cervical Cancer 1.20 168 44. Poisonings 1.18 90 45. Rheumatic Heart Disease 1.15 130 46. Parkinson's Disease 1.13 111 47. Violence 0.94 152 48. Hepatitis B 0.87 64 49. Skin Cancers 0.60 151 50. Dengue 0.56 24

http://www.worldlifeexpectancy.com/country-health-profile/saudi-arabia

So as long as you're in good health you really have nothing to worry about, because Saudi Arabia is known for their harsh punishments and for that reason crime rates are verily low, not say they don't happen they do but they don't rank number 1 of cause of death and if anyone was to attack a foreign person let alone an American not only does the embassy get involved the the police will protect you as if you're a VIP because you're a guest in this country and we take care of our guests because this is what Islam teaches us to take care of our neighbors and to protect...

 So do women have to wear the hijab or niqab??? No they don't I had addressed this in another blog but when I first arrived here to Saudi Arabia the first thing that shocked me is the women who didn't cover but were respectfully dressed....

This being example of women wearing what she likes, yes the ladies face is covered because in Saudi Arabia if you take someones picture without their knowledge you can get in big  trouble so in all aspects i'm protecting my ass and also her identity!

So you may ask yourself why would anyone want to visit Saudi Arabia let alone work there? my question for you is why not!!! what is there to fear? you're at higher risk at getting shot by wearing the wrong color in the wrong neighborhood than you are to get attacked here! in fact firearms are not allowed here, even the police and Military are not allowed to use their firearms unless given authorized to do so so yes Saudi Arabia is safe and probably one of the most hospitable countries you'll ever visit and people you'll ever know... an also coming to a different country will open your mind and views about another culture and religion and life style and if you get bored Bahrain and UAE, Kuwait, and Qatar, Oman are near by to feed your needs of drinking or clubbing eating pork and watching movies in the cinema... 

My conclusion is this Saudi Arabia is safe there is no doubt about that but all I can say don't believe everything you hear in the media the media tells you what they want you to know and most of that time they will feed you what they want to put fear and hate into your minds and heart so when you see something ask the people of the countries and the religions the media is attacking and ask with an open mind and open heart and with the intent of wanting to learn and to understand and always keep in mind "the fingers on your hand are not the same they're all different and nether people"!

I end the blog with this video, I hope I was able to answer some questions and misunderstanding about Saudi Arabia 

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Saudi Arabia through American eyes

What is the life like in Saudi Arabia? That is the question I'm always asked, people are always intrigued to hear the experience from an American who's from a more open country even more when the view comes from a woman....  

Why do I do what I do spend hours on debating and trying to change the views of people? is because there is so many good things about Saudi Arabia and the people that no one gets to hear about and that's my mission is to get those good things out there and heard!

Most of the time with people hear the name "Saudi Arabia" automatically people will relate it to 9/11 or they think of women of having no rights because women aren't allowed to drive or barbaric for its harsh punishments for crimes... As many who know me my views were exactly as those who strongly dislike Saudi Arabia for those who'd like to know how my views changed please check my other blog "Why Saudi Arabia http://loveforksa.blogspot.com/2012/10/why-saudi-arabia.html" Many talked before coming here that I would face a major culture shock upon arrival to be honest I've never had any issues with that the culture shock hit when I returned to America....

Now to the questions how is the life in Saudi Arabia, Is it like you hear on the media? and what made me love it so much to willingly want to live there for the rest of my life?

First of all lets address the driving issue....Is it really an issue? yes and no! depends in how you look at it!  it is an issue if your used to driving, is it religiously wrong for us to drive? no!!! so why are women not allowed to drive yet? firstly take for example when women were not allowed to vote in America and how long it took to get the society to get used to the idea to allow women to vote let alone hold an governmental position, its the same for us here in Saudi Arabia!!! an for anyone who's ever lived here knows how dangerous the driving can be at the same time the traffic laws need to be applied  but within time we will drive Saudi Arabia is changing rapidly.... apparent rumors are claiming that women will be allowed to drive next month, how true is this rumor? only time will tell but insha'allah *God Willing* we will and lets face it is driving what makes a woman independent??? I don't think so!!!

this article is in Arabic so if your not arabic speaking google translate may not be your friend but the article talks about women driving next month or possible soon!
http://www.alanba.com.kw/ar/last/729694/16-03-2017-


So another question I'm always asked women are not free to wear what they want their forced to wear the face veil and to cover their hair! I think one of the things that had surprised me the most when I first arrived in Saudi Arabia is the women who were not wearing hijab at all I thought why were they not wearing hijab this is haram!!! Saudi Arabia hosts many foreigners who are Christians or non who we do not force them to wear hijab or ladies to be forced to wear the face veil *niqab* me for myself I never wear it and most who know me knows i'm a huge makeup lover and I get told a lot that if I go out like that in public i'll be flogged lol but no one cares to be honest if you respect yourself the people will respect you regardless of your faith and where you come from but we are expected to dress in our abayas *long black dress* and most don't mind they do it out of respect of the countries customs and respect to our religion..

so what are the rights for women here in Saudi Arabia? can they hold a  job, can they work? can they go to university can they travel without a male guardian let alone open a bank account without a male guardian! and the answer to all those questions is Yes!!!  I've had the honor of working for a few months with a small company with a Saudi lady who traveled with the company without her husband and also I had the opportunity to do so many think "but you're american so its easier for you" not so much!!! I'm married to a Saudi man so I am treated as a Saudi lady!! an I know of many ladies who hold PhD's and those who prefer the life of taking care of the home  in the end its up the lady in what she wants to do with her life...

What is with the male guardianship is it culture or religion? most find it unfair but those who understand it do not find it unfair at all and secondly its Religion not culture! many find it degrading to a woman or unfair but in reality its not its out of respect for the women to protect her.. "why can't a woman protect her self"? yes she can but who knows maybe there will be a situation she will face and will need her husband or brother or father to help her and a lot of ladies...

Another thing I hear a lot is Saudi Arabia is  a mans world country its no place for a woman and she can't do anything.... this is where I said to myself before coming here "Challenge accepted" and to be honest its not if you're going to use the "driving" as a reason why its a male dominated country than this doesn't fly or you may say are women and men treated equal? I would say yes in some aspect especially if its a crime you do a crime you pay the punishment regardless of your gender. as in Jobs? some may find it unfair that women are not allowed to do some jobs but the way I see it the country looks out for the well being of the women here they want to protect the women is how I look at it instead of find it degrading and to be honest I love that aspect about Saudi Arabia is I feel protected and the country truly cares about us and I feel safe...

I feel safe? really as a woman?!! You may laugh at this but really it is that safe here and as many may think because our laws are harsh and yes they are but it makes you think long and hard before you commit a crime...and Yes it is safe I can go to the sea and walk along the beach shore at 2-3 am and no one will bother you I've had to walk to the pharmacy at 10am to buy medication for my daughter who had an ear infection and no problems at all because if someone harasses a woman in this country people are willing to step in to stop it immediately and its punishable by lashes and fines and jail if you harass a woman let if you rape a woman you can say goodbye to your head because that is an execution-able punishment!

One of the most annoying questions I hear is Saudi Arabia has billions and yet they don't take in any refugees or help anyone in need! see this is where I come in many people tell me you're wasting your time trying to show the good things about Saudi but for me if I'm able to change the view of one person than I've done my job! Now has Saudi Arabia taken in any refugees? I'll post a video below and than you can think for yourself! in my neighborhood I have met 4 families who are syrian refugees and one who was a doctor who performed surgery on my son so yes Saudi Arabia has taken in millions of refugee on top of that giving the countries in need millions upon billions of aide from schooling, to medical, and food...

https://english.alarabiya.net/en/News/middle-east/2016/12/05/Saudi-sets-pace-globally-in-humanitarian-aid-says-envoy.html

Oome people ask me do you miss anything back home? I'd be lying if I said no! I get homesick mostly during the holiday seasons and birthdays but the answer is yes!! I miss my mother and sisters and family everything else not really I don't miss it at all, I have everything I need here. "Do I miss going to the movies" not really I never really enjoyed paying 50 dollars on snacks at the movie theater an to be honest I really hope they never get a cinema in Saudi Arabia its not something necessary, is Saudi Arabia for everyone? no its not because it is a very conservative country but I love it for everything is and for everything it will become...

Lastly what have been my opinions on living here and why do you love it so much? my views of this country are coming from the heart many may say "oh she's brainwashed" but lets face it if you haven't lived here or never plan to live here than you have no right to speak about a country you don't know about other than what the media feeds you!!  Firstly I find Saudi Arabia to be a family oriented country and the life is a very simple life the hospitality of the natives here is beyond over the top at times but the intentions are pure  one of the things I love is how close the communities are here is their so close as if their family and they respect you and accept you and if you love the Saudis they love you and you're one of them as they say and this is something I agree with 100% I honestly don't know what I'd do without my Saudi community family  as a friend mentioned to me yesterday a quote as I explained in how I felt about the community.. 

"انا على ولد عمي وانا وولد عمي على الغريب"

meaning "I'm against my cousin, and me and my cousin against the stranger"

(if the translation is wrong please help me in changing it 😊 ) 

For the most part I feel safe in this country if I don't wear face veil no one questions me or forces me if I choose to not to wear the head scarf I don't have to  if I need to go somewhere I can just request a ride with Uber *I've never drove or ever had desire to drive* so the no driving has never been an issue its been a phobia so Its the reason why I've never had a licence  and most importantly no one judges you here no one cares if your Muslim, or Christian or non Muslim the people respect you I may struggle in speaking Arabic but you know what I get around lol someone speaks English and if they don't I just try my best to speak in broken Arabic or I just call a friend to translate and the life here is so simple the people are kind an the best part is Makkah and Medina are here regardless if they were here or not I'd gladly still want to live here maybe the life is boring to some because mostly people go to the malls or the beach or the park but many of us we can travel outside the country to Bahrain, or Kuwait,Qatar,U.A.E. to meet our needs of entertainment but over all I love the simple life here and just simplicity is the life I love!

"Love the life you live, live the life you love"

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A new beginning

A new beginning

For the past 2 years I’ve been searching for work in Saudi Arabia, you would think that it would be a brainer to score a decent job as an American even if you don’t have a degree but that’s far from the case. Things are changing here the demands in hiring more Saudis is in the rise so decreasing the demand of foreign workers which isn’t a bad thing at all its good I just wish that Saudis would get the same benefits as foreign workers especially the ones who bust their asses going to other countries to study for their hard earned major, it’s not impossible to find a job here if your foreign but some places  if you don’t have a degree or a certain amount of experience the hunt can be challenging along with finding a decent salary to live in the community if you choose to not live in a compound let alone paying for a driver if the company you work for does not provide you with one…  

Many people would think that for me being American it would easy to find a job I’m a native English speaker but here is where it gets harder for me it may have been easier a few years ago but with the demands of hiring natives here it’s not as easy and when many companies think “American” they think “High salary, paid tickets to go back home, Compound living etc” so it’s a struggle. Being married to a Saudi has made things a little easier at the same time has also made things a bit shady as well, Why you say?  Once employers know that you’re married to a Saudi if it’s not a big known company like Alshaya they’ll treat you as a Saudi because you’re married to a Saudi which means you don’t get your benefits as a “foreign employee”.

 I’ve applied for several positions and since everyone has insisted I try teaching I looked at some schools I had one school I went to they said they didn’t go by any particular curriculum and whatever I had in mind they would help me set it up, and said since you’re married to a Saudi we are offering a salary of 2,000sr that’s around “600 American dollars” and no iqama transfer to them. I’ve been trying to get into Alshaya for a long time since their contracted with a lot of companies like Victoria’s secret (which is the one I’m trying to get into) I’ve applied for so many positions and they finally called me I was ecstatic but they wanted me in Kuwait and offered promising benefits and other things which was very tempting but my family are all in Saudi and told her I’d have to decline since it was in Kuwait she mentioned that they were opening a store in Riyadh she seemed to be impressed with my experience and sent my papers to Riyadh and I waited for them to call unfortunately they never called back.

So it was back to the drawing board of job searching I had scored an interview with one company which I will not mention to prevent any problems, I had went to the interview and it was for an Administration assistant position I had no experience but he was very kind and willing to pay for my training or anything that I needed I was a little shy for the fact when I came in for the interview he reached to shake my hand and for me and as all Muslims you’re not supposed to shake the hands or touch someone who is not your guardian so I held my hand down to my side and slightly bowed to him kind of like a Japanese greeting, and he felt a little shocked and said you scare me lol but after talking to him he seemed fine I would had accepted the offer but for the fact he had offered me a “private dinner in Bahrain” I declined his offer and felt my dignity was more important than the job offer and decided to keep on looking for the right job.

The last promising offer I had was as a store manager for “Lush Cosmetics” they were ready to sign a contract with me than they had asked me are you a Saudi citizen? I said no but I am a resident and I am married to a Saudi, the politely apologized and said unfortunately we are looking for Saudi lady for this position but we’ll keep your information on file for future opportunities I was seriously crushed because I know I can do it I have the ability to manage the store and to take care of customers and my employees it was honestly a very depressing moment because I thought I’m not going to find anything and I only have two certificates one for public safety and one for Law enforcement two certificates that have no benefit here unless I decided to become a certified EMT but the classes for that where hard to find.

I’ve spent so much time searching Linkedin.com also bayt.com which are really good places to search for jobs if anyone is looking because I had uploaded my cv’s my experience and had some other calls and offers some where just not meeting up to my expectations and to them I wasn’t fitting as they expected since “I’m not a Saudi”  I just felt like giving up to be honest with all the searching and the interviews and the low salaries I’m like I’m going to be stuck where I’m at but Alhumdullilah finally I found work… does it offer the best salary? Not really but it’s for starter only and I’ve signed a temporarily contract for a few months so I can learn from them and to see if it’s the job I want to stay with and also for them to see if they like my performance and if we both like how things are I will sign a permanent contract.

 I felt finally someone is going to give me a chance and insha’allah I’ll be working as a marketer for (www.goodlivelihood.net) the manager he is very kind and very open minded and the boss I’ll be working with she’s amazing and like a sister and insha’allah I’ll get to travel to different countries for my work such as Thailand, Philippines, Japan hopefully if I can influence them I hope they’ll contract with South Korea but I’m really excited and hope to learn from them and help build their company and hope to build my future to be a better one insha’allah.

For all of those who have helped me in finding work and listening to me vent about my struggles wallah I am beyond grateful to you all I could have not made it this far without the support and encouragement from those who have helped me and who have stood by my side during all of my struggles this is dedicated to all those who have helped me and I hope and pray to Allah that he grants you all the best in this life can give you....

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How I met him

How I met him

The question that is always asked, how did you meet your husband? I normally tell them I met him in school which is the truth but my journey in meeting him is another story a long story so if you’re interested in reading about my past relationships and drama then please read on…

First marriage:

Is my husband now my first husband? No. He is my 3^rd husband!  My first husband was an Egyptian who was a very good man and a religious man masha’allah who was the one who helped me grow as a Muslim in teaching me how to pray how to recite qur’an. Prior meeting my first husband I had dated a Saudi man “yes he was the start of my Saudi obsession” but he was a good man also but we were just not fit to be together but we were not fit for each other so in the end we ended up ending our relationship so I thought the easiest way of getting over the Saudi boyfriend was to get married and at that time I met the Egyptian man and accepted his proposal thinking that it would make me forget my ex it didn’t I learned a valuable lesson in why dating is haram!

 As time went by in my new marriage with the Egyptian I still loved the Saudi guy and I felt it was unfair to my husband to be married to him and still in love with someone else and I really didn’t know what to do I was young and I remember going to the Imam of the masjid asking for his advice I remember him telling me “if you divorce your husband for this man Allah will not make that relationship easy” I ignored his advice and followed and we ended up divorcing to be honest it was a mistake on my end because he was a good man the Egyptian man but me I was young and stupid.

Engagement to Saudi guy:

I ended up getting engaged to the Saudi guy. You think I would be so happy? I was ecstatic but the Saudi guy we ended up fighting about everything and he had said he had done things that made my feelings for him not as strong as it used to but still loved him but I didn’t know what to do at this point, I remember talking to an old friend he advised me since Ramadan was coming up he told me for the entire Ramadan don’t talk to him and ask Allah if it’s meant to be than let it be with no problem if it’s not than let me forget him, and throughout the Ramadan my feelings no longer were strong enough to build our relationship so as soon as Ramadan ended he had called me and said what do you want to do? I told him I love you and always will but I don’t think it will work out and I wish you all the best in your life.

Second marriage:

Finally I felt ready to find a suitable husband to marry I wanted to marry a Saudi specifically so I joined a Muslim single site to hopefully find the right man for me, I had many offers as a second wife which I almost accepted one who lived in Saudi but felt it wasn’t the right step for me just yet then a man he had messaged me he said. I’m from Saudi Arabia and I am interested in meeting you, I accepted his request in meeting him I lived maybe 30 minutes away from him he had come to my work I met him we talked with each other than later on he had met my family my mom and sisters and he ended up coming to family events with me he was nice he may not had been that attractive to others but his kindness at that time was what I was looking for and he was good to my family so he had asked me to marry him I accepted I loved him and we got married in Cleveland Ohio. 

As time went by I started working and he had started applying for green card at this time I never thought anything of it and was happy to help him get it never questioned his intentions because I thought he was being honest with me in the end he sat me down and said “sahar I need to talk to you about something” I said okay what is it? He told me please I need you to promise me to not to be angry at me I said okay than what is it he told me that I was born and raised in Saudi Arabia but I’m not Saudi but my family is from Eritrea, he assured me that it wouldn’t be any problem for us to come to Saudi Arabia I was upset because he lied to me later on I thought okay it’s not a problem if we could still go to Saudi.

I had than started going to school to study in the criminal justice *law enforcement*  he supported me and at this moment I met a Saudi man he was nice we sat and talked all the time in the computer lab he was studying the same thing as my husband was so I felt I comfortable with him and he was also a good listener. As time progressed between me and my husband at the time I felt alone he didn’t want to spend time with me and was always out of the home after he had gotten his green card he had stopped doing anything for me from driving me to school to even answering my phone calls and I didn’t know what to do and one night he was talking to me and he had told me  he said back home in Saudi Arabia I had a lot of gay friends and one man he knows he’s married and he could never go to bed with his wife until he slept with a man I thought okay whatever until one day he came to one of my work places and I worked with a gay man and he met my husband when my husband left my friend he asked me “is your husband gay’’ I said no why? He said because we kind of know each other but I’ll find out for you and sure enough my gay friend confirmed that my husband was indeed gay so In the end I married a man who lied about from where he was from and also I married a gay man I never questioned it and was married to him for 2 years he had painted such a good image to get his green card so he can work freely in the US.

After learning all of the things of the man I was married to I tried everything I could to make things work in the end he wasn’t interested in me to begin with he had asked me to sign a document to confirm he didn’t marry me for citizenship I ripped up the paper and said no! since I knew that my marriage wasn’t going anywhere I decided to ask for a divorce at this time I started talking to my Saudi friend for advice he said if you’re not happy than you’re not forced to stay and it takes hands to clap you can’t clap with just one hand so in the end I ended up divorcing my gay husband and I made the mistake in jumping into another relationship I was lonely for so long and just got out of a marriage that was based on betrayal that was the wrong thing to do…

A new beginning 3^rd marriage:

Getting out of a 2 year marriage that was based on betrayal was one of the hardest things to deal with someone I loved used me my family loved him I loved him in the end he didn’t! only to get what he wanted as time went by I quickly decided to get married again  which was with the Saudi man that I talked to all the time in the computer lab he was a good listener and he paid attention to me I fell for it… I accepted his proposal without giving myself time to heal from the 2 years of hell so when we did get married it was not so smooth we fought I was angry a lot of it had to deal with the fact that I was lied to and used and hurt so much that I was taking it out on my husband but he didn’t know how to deal with it “due to cultural” and common sense on his part of understanding! It wasn’t a happy marriage at all to begin with before marrying him I had many people telling me to not to marry him I prayed Istakara before marrying him and the signs I now recognize I wish I had seen them beforehand  because so many people told me not to marry him he asked me to stop things that I loved doing from going to Islamic conferences he would say “I don’t want my wife going to another city for 3 days mixing with guys” I told him I’m going to learn about Islam not sit with guys and were separated guys on one side women on the other he had also made me quit my jobs and would not help me to drive me to school which caused me to stop going to finish my criminal justice degree all these things now I wish I had seen!

I know I probably didn’t make it easy as we were married but I just wish my husband now would understand the hurt and betrayal that I had been through to make me feel the way I did I thought it was my fault to think how I was being maybe it was maybe it wasn’t but what I was looking for was compassion but in the end I couldn’t find it. I had quickly gotten pregnant after we gotten married for most women it’s the happiest moment in their life for me not so much instead I was blamed for not stopping it and threatened that he would leave me and forget me and my baby he put so much stress on me that I ended up miscarrying the baby you would think that he would had shown a little sympathy but no he said it’s much better this way I was crushed and needed his love instead I got his wrath of anger…

As time went by I had gotten pregnant again same thing blamed for not stopping it I ended up staying with my mom because I couldn’t handle how he was dealing with me I mean what’s the point of marriage if you’re not going to accept the things that come with marriage that includes “having babies” and I shouldn’t had been the one that had to prevent it, Anyways… I ended up having my first son It was a happy moment for me and my husband he started to change a little but not a huge change I felt okay maybe it’s because he’s a student and he’s just under a lot of pressure so I kept letting his behavior towards me slide and I’m not going to lie I have my moments like any other woman but a woman needs someone who is going to be soft with her not hard with her like a man this is not how you deal with your wife and same time he didn’t really pay much attention to me he paid a lot of attention to his electronics but has not put much effort in understanding his wife.  

My son had gotten older and at that time my husband started working with a hospital and I honestly wanted another baby he didn’t but I did and sure enough I ended up pregnant with my second child same thing blamed for not stopping it. there has always been a huge lack of support in all of my pregnancies which puts a lot on a woman who really needs all the support and encouragement she can get to help her feel good about herself and I never got that I was grateful for the friends around me at that time to help me to be honest they helped a lot by visiting me and bringing me food after my recovering delivering my baby but my husband’s towards me has always been harsh I remember the first time I had gotten pregnant he said to me “If you have my baby I will make life hard and will be harsh with you” and he has been the entire time we’ve been married I thought he would eventually change and same time I loved him he was the father of my children and he helps provides for the home but for me I was missing something very important to any woman… “compassion, encouragement, support, Respect, sensitive, Attention, and love” I’ve never been the type of wife that always demanded money even though islamicly it is my right I’ve never been this type I’m always the type that I want the things money can’t buy but are the simplest things to give…

When we moved to Saudi Arabia it was the happiest moment in my life honestly I’ve been trying to come here for so long and finally it was coming to reality and thought maybe being back home my husband would change and be better, WRONG!!!! It got much worse there where some minor issues with his work that needed fixed and I thought once they were all ironed out that he would treat me better his brother even begged me to be patient with him and I said okay your right I will be more patient with him but after things were fixed my husband’s harsh attitude and treatment towards me still remained the same.

 It was my first year in a new country and he expected me to know and how to understand everything when he never took the time to explain anything to me I was honestly really hoping for a happy life with him when I came to Saudi Arabia I had all the plans in my mind to build a happy life and happy family with him but how can I build a happy life with someone who has such a negative mind and an envious personality??? Do I love him? No do I hate him?  I hate how he is with me and how he can’t admit to his mistakes even more when he blames me for all the mistakes in our relationship and he takes no credit… 

I’m not a perfect wife I will never claim to be one but I also will never deny my mistakes and I will always try to fix them things though have gotten so bad I don’t know where it will end up, will it end up in divorce? More than likely… did I try everything? I think I did many tell me to stay for my kids but to be honest abuse isn’t just physical it’s also verbal and mentally and I will never get the things I need as a wife from my husband now so sadly it will more than likely end up in divorce is it what I wanted? Not at all but what I’m dealing with I never wish it on anyone because trying to destroy someone to get them to do what you want is not the way to live your life, will I get married again? I don’t know from my point now? No! and I don’t want to get married again I just want to live In Saudi Arabia and work to be with my kids only my kids are the most important thing in my life and their all that matter and Insha’allah I’ll have a happy ending in a happy loving relationship because every man and woman deserves to be happy and to be with someone who understand them and supports them in the end my husband and I we are far from each other our differences causes us to fight and I'm expected to understand his view point but he isn't open to understand mine.

I know some who may read this and think I thought she’s happy and Saudis are not acting like this! Firstly not everyone is the same the fingers on your hand are not the same and nether are all the Saudis just because I got a bad apple doesn’t mean that I can’t find a Golden apple that will change my life and will make my life that I deserve no matter what happens in my relationship now my views of Saudis will never change because I know in my heart there are a lot of good men in Saudi Arabia and insha’allah I’ll find the right one and if I don’t Alhumdullilah for everything.

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