A new journey in life can be ether positive or negative ether way both teaches you a valuable lesson..
For those who've been following me for the past years has known that I was struggling with marital problems last month of November of 2017 my divorce was finally finalized through the court....
The day before going to the court to receive my divorce papers I was terrified I've heard so many stories that women had to cover their face or they'd be turned away let alone that I was told that no one would speak English I felt a huge fear probably not that big of a fear to many but I really didn't know what to expect. As the day approached I had asked my driver if he could please take me to the court he drove me there and he'd went inside with me I will be always grateful to him because he helped with everything to translating, when it came to talking to the judge my driver had told him that I was scared the judge than said in his broken English "please don't scared" we both laughed a little and he then had told me of my rights after the divorce that if I wanted to seek support from my ex husband that I could do so to receive a payment for each child along with housing payment and money for me he insisted that I should do it I told him in the mean time I would not but maybe in the future that I would, he had than instructed me in the future that If I had decided to get married again that I'd have to have my divorce papers present for the "sheikh" to document everything before I got remarried in the future.
You'd think that the divorce part was the difficult process of my journey to the single life inside of Saudi Arabia, but it was finding living arrangements finding an apartment that was to my standards let alone my price range, I checked near the area I worked in but most of the areas that I checked were in Indian and Pakistani neighborhoods and I wanted to live in the Saudi neighborhoods, Alhumdullilah I did happen to find an apartment a little bit far from my work that wasn't really the issue the main issue was finding someone who'd rent to a single woman let alone an "American woman" they'd instantly think that i'd bring problems to them so out of his "rare kindness" my ex- husband put the apartment under his name then everything waited to fall into place, from buying appliances to home furniture...
I never thought that i'd say it but I've started to hate shopping well not all shopping but shopping for furniture, trying to find the right color of bedroom set to the prices and also paying someone to deliver it to the house and than putting it all together for you ALhumdullilah for the sales in the right moments an even more i'm grateful for the friends that I have that have helped me find the things that I needed to help me start my new life.
Moving into my apartment wasn't so bad, the worst thing was saying goodbye to my children.. Many are wondering "why couldn't you take your kids with you"? it's not that I didn't want to I want to but financially I could not provide for them in the way that they deserve where their father makes enough money that he could, I'll never forget the look in the eyes of my children as I hugged and kissed each one I don't think it really sunk in until they got home and got ready for bed and that Mama wasn't there to tuck them in and hug and kiss them or read them their bedtime story before they went to sleep. It had crushed my heart to know that they cried for me even more when I had called them the next day and to hear my youngest baby who's 3 say to me " I love you mama" it made me smile but made me cry like a baby but this time away from them and them away from me I think will only strengthen our bond I see a big difference each time that I see them they're more cooperative and listen more but this hard struggle has encouraged me to fight and work harder so that they can be with me again...
I've been criticized so much by so many about my decision to divorce, I didn't want to when I came to Saudi Arabia I wanted a long life until death with my ex husband the thought of divorce never crossed my mind even though we've had a lot of issues in the past we're both patient with each other, but the patients had ran out for both of us I think we're both emotionally and physically tying to make things work on top of that I could not handle his rude attitude towards me and him constantly putting me down and bringing me down I tried for 8 years to make it work for the sake of my kids but I got tired of crying for the things he'd say or the things he'd do and the things he didn't do to make me happy, I'm not perfect I made a lot of mistakes also but I've also learned from those mistakes and insha'allah will not repeat them for the future but I'm also teaching my kids that they don't have to just settle for anything even unhappiness in a relationship its bad for the kids to see their parents fighting its more damaging than divorce trust me I've been through it and I'm still traumatized from the things my mother had put up with my father so I speak from my own personal experience that I didn't want my own children to suffer the way that I did.
Is living single easier in Saudi? it depends many will say that it would be much easier for men and they'd be right to some point because they can drive and do a lot more things without having to seek approval or permission, Where a woman here would have to rely on Uber or friends or family to driver her around where Saudi women they just go back to live with their families....
As for myself I like the independent life even though I can't drive yet Insha'allah within a few months Alhumdullilah we'll be able to until then I kind of enjoy being taken care of by the friends I know because I know and they know that I'd help them also in the future if they needed me to. With that being said its kind of nice living the single life I can go to work and go to the mall if I wanted to or to the corniche (SEA) without seeking approval I can stay out late I can visit friends and when I come home no one asks why or they don't yell at you for taking time for yourself and if you want to walk around the house naked and be a little sloppy in your house work its okay no one's their to judge you or make you feel bad about it, but the single life does have its downside especially when you get lonely you want someone to hug you or talk to you and for me my home is quiet I kind of miss the sound of my kids and someone eating my favorite snacks I miss not having someone next to me when I wake up to hug them or kiss them so the single life is like that everywhere though I think but that's the life.
Will I go back to America? eventually! I have a obstacles to get through before I can go, like my Iqama *my resident status* my ex husband is still my sponsor so I still have to be nice otherwise he can cancel my sponsorship but they can't kick me out *hahah* I still have to go to the passport place to fix my status my iqama will change from "wife of Saudi" to "Mother of Citizens" but that will make things a lot easier I think at least according to my resources I'd become my own sponsor so I'd have to issue my own entry exit visa's and pay for everything or I think the Government takes care of the reissuing or money to pay for those things once those things are taken care of I will right about this journey and insha'allah i'd love to help those who're facing similar issues because I know how hard it is to not have much support around you, but once this issue with my Iqama is fixed yes I will return to America to visit its really a long overdue trip that's truly needed...
Is there a new love in my life? Not at this point... 😊 I have high hopes that the right "Saudi man" is out there yes I'm wanting to marry another Saudi that's not the issue facing the obstacles of the marriage permission process is the nauseating part because it's not exactly easy unless you have a pretty good wasta *influence* to help you with the process or to get the approval faster, also theirs some restrictions with the new age the man has to be at least in his 40's and the men who're in the military or governmental such as *police, Military* etc they can't marry foreigners they have to marry Saudi women all though it's not impossible I do have a friend who's married to someone in the military but they had to go directly to the prince to seek approval but insha'allah with all the things changing in Saudi Arabia I really hope this marriage permission thing is one of the things that's changed or removed I love Saudi Arabia and respect all their rules but this rule is the only one that I can't agree with even though I understand why it is the way it is but still you shouldn't prevent people who love each other from marrying its better to marry than to commit haram *Zina* (adultery).
Do I feel happier? Yes and no. why? well its another failed relationship and it makes you think that theirs something wrong with you sometimes especially if it's not your first failed marriage but also it gives you the chance to focus on yourself and to fix what ever issues there is before you decided to get into another relationship, in all sense yes I do feel happier I'll feel much happier once my work life is clear once that is in clear focus I think I'll be much more relaxed but i'm much better than I was but it will take one day at a time to adjust to everything because finally I get to be independent again after 8 years I know that sounds funny especially from a woman who lives in Saudi Arabia but when you can feel comfortable being yourself than that's freedom and I am finally free.
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