My letter to "Him"

I have wrote this blog many times deleted and wrote and deleted again not really sure in how I can express how I've been feeling these past final times together.

I know I haven't always been the best wife you imagined and I'm sorry for that, I know you had such high expectations of this perfected wife you imagined me to be and I'm sorry I couldn't fit those expectations but for me  and I am grateful for you to be as patient as you were with me, all though you watched me struggle and fall apart I have worked hard to better myself and fell apart so many more times with my past.

The beginning of our marriage wasn't exactly pleasant there were many misunderstandings on both of our sides we both worked to try to understand one another we fought together to keep our family together but with all that effort in keeping things together something was missing....  Was it something I did? maybe? was it something you did? Yes most defiantly I will not sit here and say that I didn't have any hand in things failing but I will not take full credit for not making it work I remember as you used to tell me that it takes two hands to clap and if both are pulling the string than one day it will break.... an here we are at our final breaking point the string finally broke but why? 

We've both said many things we shouldn't have said we've both apologized to one another well mostly I apologized but apologies are kind of worthless if the behavior remains the same I know you sacrificed a lot for me and I know I've not said it enough but yes I am more than grateful for the things you've done and sacrificed for me but also I have sacrificed for you...I had your children all though you were not that happy when I was pregnant with them and not very supportive, I was patient with you throughout your student days, I learned a lot in how to handle a Saudi man I never expected it to be as complicated as you made it to be I left my family to be with you in another country but I learned to understand and learned to accept your ways but there was only a few things that I tried to accept but I could not... Your rude attitude,Your racism towards others, Easily angered and look to blame others and not take responsibility, For the fact you made material things your priority and more over your phone and computer..

I know for myself I have had anger issues and may still struggle with them from time to time but I've learned to try to deal with it and If I know I've done something wrong I immediately apologize and try to makeup for it and try to start a new page  to make things better...I know you may not even care to hear my advice and I know you're in the stage of looking for a new spouse from the app you've been searching in hoping you find better but there are somethings that you really need to change and here are those things...

1. Don't make your cell phone or computer your priority if something can wait for your reply and its not an emergency than it can wait and pay attention to your wife because that thing that's waiting for your reply will be there when you're done. 

2. Don't be materialistic  as they say money does not buy love or happiness some ladies are materialistic some like the simple things like a simple message, take her  for a walk at the sea but put your phone away and don't look at it when your with her make her feel she's the only thing important that needs your attention.

3.Compliment her praise her even if its not to your high expectations  appreciate her efforts because she did what she could to try to make you happy don't just compliment her occasionally compliment her often so she feels confident....

4. if its important to her don't criticize her or make her feel there is something wrong with her for liking something you may not. we all have something we care about or feel strongly about or may care about it may not mean anything to you but if it means something to her support her encourage her and most importantly always be positive in your response to not crush her enthusiasm.

5. When she's angry remember women are not men and are sensitive so even if it doesn't seem to be nothing to you apologize and I don't mean by words but by your actions and behavior to not repeat it!!! an if you're the reason for the tension own up to your mistakes no one ever died of swallowing their pride to admit they were wrong! 

6. An never talk highly about another mans wife and make her feel she has to compete to be better value her uniqueness and don't make her feel she isn't good enough...

7.If you must look to another woman *its haram by the way nature or not* don't do it in front of her and hurt her feelings or do it to test her jealousy this is an asshole move and if she gets pissed off don't get angry at her reaction.

8. Learn to be more positive when you get angry learn to handle it in a cool manner don't be always fiery and angry calm down there are more things that are worthy of your anger and small things are not worthy of anything!!!!

9. Treat her how you'd like someone to treat your mother or daughter and sisters!!!!

10. Always make her feel like she's your most important #1 priority!!

11. If you don't understand something don't get angry ask and try to understand what she meant to say, after all we have our own way of expressing things and maybe she has a better way...

12. Even if you've been fighting with her or angry at her never leave her angry or go to bed letting her feel sad..

13. Do not ever make her feel like you're feelings are more superior than hers you maybe the head of the house hold but her feelings matter too.

14.If she ends up having your children, be supportive because pregnant women are already under a lot of change and need support and love and as her body gets stretched out tell her she's beautiful because after having children our bodies don't always look the same and can make us feel not beautiful.


15. When you find out the things that make her happy do them an keep doing them if you want to always keep her smile never stop doing the things that keep her smile...




As I write my advise to you these are the many things that lacked in our marriage the simple things that I really needed from you but never got but was what I really needed an the things that destroyed our marriage.

 I really hope and wish the best for you and hope you find the right woman for you an will give you all the things I was unable to give you and may Allah grant you all the best this life has to offer to you.

I really don't know if this message will anger you if it does that is not my intention I hope that you can accept my advice with an open mind and hope it can help you to be better and anyone else that need the advice.

Yours truly your past life.💜

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Saudi Arabia the country of peace

When most people hear the name Saudi Arabia they would probably automatically connect it to terrorism and as some of you read the title of this blog you're probably thinking Saudi Arabia and peaceful country shouldn't even be in the same sentence, do you ever sit and ask yourself why? is it because what the media has told you or maybe you have a friend who already has ill feelings perhaps they were raised to hate something that they don't know much about, I know I'm guilty of that and I know many others are also, I too once thought Saudi Arabia was bad and the people scared me I didn't like them even though I never met a Saudi person  but why was I hating them? * I have written about my fear of Saudi Arabia in another blog if you care to read it please check it out (http://loveforksa.blogspot.com/2012/10/why-saudi-arabia.html)... 

So now back to the main topic *Saudi Arabia the country of peace! what does Saudi Arabia think about terrorism and how exactly do they and why don't they do anything to speak out against it?? and is it safe for westerners to travel here let alone work here!?

I know many people are thinking how ironic for a blog like this to come out especially with the current attacks in London and now the and now the news making it a huge deal because the apparent terrorist visited Saudi Arabia a few times, please know just because you visit a country it doesn't turn you into a terrorist and to be honest that is what pushed me to write this blog to try to teach and educate the people who have been fed the lies of the media listen to those who've lived here everyone has a different experience and majority have a positive experience living here!!!

First off Saudi Arabia does not support terrorism let alone allow it to happen here! if someone is caught being suspected of terrorism this is a serious crime and is not taken lightly if you're involved with any terrorist groups or linked to any attacks you're punished by execution which means the person is beheaded! lethal? yes but effective! this link talks about the execution of 47 terrorist convicts (http://www.arabnews.com/featured/news/859176 ). Saudi Arabia is a Muslim country Muslims from all over the globe come to Saudi Arabia to visit Makkah and Medina to pray, to ask for forgiveness to ask for better health an for a better and safe world to live in etc. because this is what Islam teaches anyone who commits an attack by killing an innocent person or themselves doesn't represent Islam, Islam is perfect people are not! 

So what does Islam say about killing innocent people? 

"The Holy Qur’an says, “Whosoever killeth a human being for other than manslaughter or corruption in the earth, it shall be as though he had killed all of mankind, and whoso saveth the life of one, it shall be as if he had saved the life of all mankind.” (Al-Mai’dah 5:32).

“The Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) has strongly prohibited killing of innocent people. One of the Hadiths says, “Whoever killed “Muaahadan” (a term used in Islamic state to refer to non-Muslim citizens), will not smell Paradise. And its scent can be smelled from a distance of 40 years (a term in Arabic means “far distance”).” (Narrated by Al-Nasaie)

There are many other Hadiths that urge Muslims not to kill others.

Before engaging in a battle, the Prophet Muhammad  used to instruct his soldiers:
• “Do not kill any child, any woman, or any elderly or sick person, or Unarmed  or the one who surrenders .” (Sunan Abu Dawud)
• “Do not practice treachery or mutilation. Do not uproot or burn palms or cut down fruitful trees. Do not slaughter a sheep or a cow or a camel, except for food.” (Al-Muwatta)
• “If one fights his brother, (he must) avoid striking the face, for God created him in the image of Adam.” (Sahih Bukhari, Sahih Muslim)
• “Do not kill the monks in monasteries, and do not kill those sitting in places of worship.” (Musnad Ahmad Ibn Hanbal)
• “Do not destroy the villages and towns, do not spoil the cultivated fields and gardens, and do not slaughter the cattle.” (Sahih Bukhari; Sunan Abu Dawud)
• “Do not wish for an encounter with the enemy. Pray to God to grant you security, but when you (are forced to) encounter them, exercise patience.” (Sahih Muslim)
• “No one may punish with fire except the Lord of Fire.” (Sunan Abu Dawud)
• “Accustom yourselves to do good if people do good, and do not do wrong even if they commit evil.” (Al-Tirmidhi)” http://www.arabnews.com/node/375112

So why hasn't Saudi Arabia spoken out against the current attacks? We have we speak out against it and we're working hard to try to fight it!  here are some links to prove that yes we indeed speak out against these attacks and will never support such hideous crimes.. http://saudigazette.com.sa/world/saudi-arabia-condemn-terrorist-attacks-in-paris/ , http://www.arabnews.com/node/960431/world, 

http://www.arabnews.com/node/946651/saudi-arabia, http://www.middleeasteye.net/news/arab-and-muslim-leaders-condemn-vile-terrorist-attack-nice-860788171

Saudi Arabia is also fighting terrorism inside the country this is a recent video of a shoot out between police and 2 terrorists...

I think we can agree on one thing, terrorism is like cancer it has no religion and it doesn't care in who you are and what your race or religion you are it's only mission is to destroy you and the only way to defeat cancer or terrorism is to stand together and fight together and put discrimination aside because as long as we keep pointing fingers in who created what then terrorists win, if you ever meet a Saudi student he or she will tell you that we don't accept this behavior because its "HARAM" (forbidden) and not Islam! 

Why does Saudi Arabia send their people to America? well majority of the saudis you'll ever meet in America or any other country outside Saudi Arabia are students or for business with companies and are some of the most kindest generous people you'll ever meet and are very interested in learning about your culture and life style so do please be hospitable and kind cause the students that come there not only come for education but to better their future when they return to Saudi Arabia and none of them want any trouble their normal people like anyone else so do please be kind....

Okay, how safe is Saudi Arabia for westerners to travel to let alone work?? first of all Americans, people from London or Europe are some of the most respected people in Saudi Arabia majority live in some of the best compounds that is only for them no Saudis are allowed to enter because in those compound areas the people that live there are free to do what they want, from ladies driving inside the compound yes you heard right women can drive in the compounds and also in some small cities in Saudi Arabia anyways, women don't have to wear abaya or hijab in these areas if you went into these compounds you would think you're in one of the beaches of California its that luxurious!

One of the homes in one of the compounds, photo taken by Jessica Fay.

Aramco beach photo taken by Jessica Fay.

A lot of companies that hire Americans get paid tickets to go back home at least once a year or more, they get paid medical, schooling for their kids Saudi Arabia is also tax free so you don't pay taxes but don't forget you still have to pay taxes from what ever country you're coming from... American's and Europeans that come here to work  they're some of the highest paid people in the country an the most respected they get double the salary that a Saudi citizen would get even if they had the same qualifications!

on of the beaches inside the compound. *photo taken by Jessica Fay*

So what is there to do for foreigners  that choose to come to work here? well if you like shopping we have a ridiculous amount of shopping centers here for almost anything you can think of. If you're a foodie we have some of the best restaurants here American restaurants too!!! So how do women get around if women can't drive? well that's easy!! if you're sponsored by a company to work here and if you're a woman you'd be provided with a driver who will drive you to where ever you need to go and also we have car services like *Uber, and Careem* to get you to where you need to go and the old taxi services.

So how safe is Saudi Arabia to live in?? Saudi Arabia is one of the safest countries I know you may laugh, but do you know what the number one cause of death is in Saudi Arabia??? I know you probably thought by suicide bombers right? Wrong! and no its not by murder or violence. The number one cause of death in Saudi Arabia is  Coronary Heart Disease, number two being Stroke!  surprised??? 

TOP 50 CAUSES OF DEATH Rate World Rank 1. Coronary Heart Disease 165.67 27 2. Stroke 126.77 47 3. Influenza and Pneumonia 44.89 70 4. Diabetes Mellitus 35.61 65 5. Kidney Disease 32.09 6 6. Road Traffic Accidents 25.33 33 7. Hypertension 22.36 35 8. Lung Disease 14.11 125 9. Inflammatory/Heart 11.00 45 10. Breast Cancer 9.61 148 11. Tuberculosis 8.54 77 12. Liver Disease 7.69 130 13. Colon-Rectum Cancers 7.21 87 14. Skin Disease 7.01 20 15. Lymphomas 6.34 45 16. Prostate Cancer 6.04 148 17. Liver Cancer 5.17 91 18. Endocrine Disorders 5.10 97 19. Lung Cancers 5.09 127 20. Congenital Anomalies 4.99 125 21. Asthma 4.86 83 22. Low Birth Weight 4.44 117 23. Fires 4.31 61 24. Falls 3.16 124 25. Leukemia 3.06 112

TOP 50 CAUSES OF DEATH Rate World Rank 26. Stomach Cancer 3.06 138 27. Diarrhoeal diseases 3.02 97 28. Ovary Cancer 2.68 147 29. Pancreas Cancer 2.60 101 30. Other Injuries 2.56 167 31. Drownings 2.46 106 32. Other Neoplasms 2.41 99 33. Malnutrition 2.33 87 34. Peptic Ulcer Disease 2.17 99 35. Meningitis 1.98 89 36. Birth Trauma 1.69 116 37. Oral Cancer 1.68 138 38. Bladder Cancer 1.64 103 39. Oesophagus Cancer 1.57 119 40. Uterin Cancer 1.49 109 41. Epilepsy 1.31 117 42. Alzheimers/Dementia 1.21 144 43. Cervical Cancer 1.20 168 44. Poisonings 1.18 90 45. Rheumatic Heart Disease 1.15 130 46. Parkinson's Disease 1.13 111 47. Violence 0.94 152 48. Hepatitis B 0.87 64 49. Skin Cancers 0.60 151 50. Dengue 0.56 24

http://www.worldlifeexpectancy.com/country-health-profile/saudi-arabia

So as long as you're in good health you really have nothing to worry about, because Saudi Arabia is known for their harsh punishments and for that reason crime rates are verily low, not say they don't happen they do but they don't rank number 1 of cause of death and if anyone was to attack a foreign person let alone an American not only does the embassy get involved the the police will protect you as if you're a VIP because you're a guest in this country and we take care of our guests because this is what Islam teaches us to take care of our neighbors and to protect...

 So do women have to wear the hijab or niqab??? No they don't I had addressed this in another blog but when I first arrived here to Saudi Arabia the first thing that shocked me is the women who didn't cover but were respectfully dressed....

This being example of women wearing what she likes, yes the ladies face is covered because in Saudi Arabia if you take someones picture without their knowledge you can get in big  trouble so in all aspects i'm protecting my ass and also her identity!

So you may ask yourself why would anyone want to visit Saudi Arabia let alone work there? my question for you is why not!!! what is there to fear? you're at higher risk at getting shot by wearing the wrong color in the wrong neighborhood than you are to get attacked here! in fact firearms are not allowed here, even the police and Military are not allowed to use their firearms unless given authorized to do so so yes Saudi Arabia is safe and probably one of the most hospitable countries you'll ever visit and people you'll ever know... an also coming to a different country will open your mind and views about another culture and religion and life style and if you get bored Bahrain and UAE, Kuwait, and Qatar, Oman are near by to feed your needs of drinking or clubbing eating pork and watching movies in the cinema... 

My conclusion is this Saudi Arabia is safe there is no doubt about that but all I can say don't believe everything you hear in the media the media tells you what they want you to know and most of that time they will feed you what they want to put fear and hate into your minds and heart so when you see something ask the people of the countries and the religions the media is attacking and ask with an open mind and open heart and with the intent of wanting to learn and to understand and always keep in mind "the fingers on your hand are not the same they're all different and nether people"!

I end the blog with this video, I hope I was able to answer some questions and misunderstanding about Saudi Arabia 

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